


We Three

by Nimbus_Cloud



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:58:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nimbus_Cloud/pseuds/Nimbus_Cloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes we love.  Sometimes we lose.  Sometimes we find the strength to love again.  Sometimes that strength allows us to love again the one we've lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May I sit here?

“May I sit here?” 

A simple, polite question was how they had met.  The year was 841, and the Scouting Legion was out on its 27th Expedition outside the walls.  It was the second night, casualties had already exceeded 15%, and grim soldiers lay in makeshift tents, praying that they could sleep a dreamless sleep and not be plagued by recurring visions of their friends and comrades dying.  On the outskirts of the camp, a few small fires were littered about, solitary soldiers sitting through the night’s watch. 

Erwin Smith, a young soldier who could just recently count his time in the legion by years, approaches the woman he was to replace for watch of the west flank. 

“Your watch doesn’t start for another hour.”  comes her quiet reply. 

She considers him briefly through grime-covered goggles as he considers her.  Her hair falls in messy auburn waves and tangles around her head, but there is a discernible bump in the fibers, like a crinkle in a paper, as evidence that she normally wore a ponytail.  His golden hair falls just barely into his eyes, but she can see the evidence that he normally kept it combed to the sides. 

“I couldn’t sleep.  But I’m happy to take the watch early if you’d like to rest.” 

And she does look like she needs it.  Her eyes are red around the edges, slightly puffy from crying (nothing to be ashamed of in their line of work), and further weighed down by dark half circles beneath them.  But she blinks away her exhaustion—she was used to it by now—and looks him up and down silently before turning her eyes back to the horizon of the landscape. 

“You can sit down.” 

She doesn’t move from her spot, so he sits across the fire from her, pulling his cloak tighter around him as he settles into the dewy grass.  Her eyes are fixed away from him, her mouth drawn into a tight line. 

“My name is Erwin Smith.”  he offers. 

“Hanji Zoe.”  her stiff reply. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Miss Hanji.” 

She turns her head slowly, her eyebrows furrowed as her chestnut eyes meet his sky blue ones.  He isn’t quite sure how to read her expression.  Was she cross with him or confused or… disappointed?                                                                                                       

“You’re from inside Wall Sina, aren’t you?” 

“Did my accent give it away?” 

“No, your manners.” 

“My manners?  Are they not enough?”  He had thought he had done his best to be polite thus far. 

“More that you have them at all, really.” 

“Oh…  Haha… Well, habits are hard to break, even when away from home.” 

“How long have you been wearing those wings on your back, Erwin?” 

His fingers pull on a stray thread. 

“A little over a year now.” 

“Good.” 

“Good?”

“Stay alive through this expedition and you’ll live a while yet.” 

He tucks the end of the green string into a slightly worn seam at the edge of his cloak as her words echo in his ears.  He had been told once that his chances of survival increased exponentially with every mission from which he came back alive.  It was always a sobering thought, and not one he cares to dwell on at the present moment. 

“How long—“

“Just over two years.”  Her voice carried the weight of those years.  In two years, how many comrades had she lost?  A dozen?  Likely more.    

“That must make you quite strong.” 

She grimaces at the last word, as if she doesn’t want to be reminded of her own survival.  Erwin bites his lip when he sees her expression change, inhaling sharply and pursing his lips.  In lieu of a retraction, he opts for silence instead, looking out at the landscape again. 

It _is_ a beautiful sight to see the rolling hills beneath a sky full of stars.  The land stretched far and wide in every direction around them.  Were there no titans, they could have ridden for weeks and not hit a single barrier to block their path.  Here, out in the open, even with the danger, they were truly free.  This is how people are meant to live, he thinks. 

“They say in the era before the titans that humans used to sail boats on vast expanses of water called the sea, and that they would use the stars for navigation.” 

Despite herself, she finds her eyes drifting upwards, countless little flickering lights dancing to greet her gaze.  Once, as a child, she thought she would try to count them all.  But when she ran out of fingers and toes, she had succumbed that it was impossible.  There were too many.  No matter where she went, there would always be too many.  But she had liked it that way.  It had given her something to strive for. 

As a thought experiment, she compares the child she had been to the woman she is now and her face falls.  Nightmares had replaced dreams, present concerns had replaced hopes for the future, and rage had replaced most everything else.  When was the last time she had thought about more than just her grief and her festering hatred for the titans?  When had she last looked up at the night sky to acknowledge that stars twinkled above her?  Her eyes briefly glance at Erwin Smith.  
  
 _When will you stop seeing the beauty of this world around you?_

The fire crackles, filling the silence between them. 

_…Hopefully not for a while yet._

She shifts, moving to stand and allow Erwin to take his turn at the watch.  He turns toward her as she walks away from him, his eyes falling on her sunken shoulders and slow gait.   
  
“It was nice to meet you, Miss Hanji.” 

A crunch of grass, then silence as her steady footsteps cease. 

“Erwin, was it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Bunk 15 in the C Barracks.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“That’s where I sleep back at headquarters.  If you can make it back from this expedition alive, come see me.” 

_At that time, I’ll make the effort to remember you past this night._

“…to keep you company?”  He is trying to remain delicate, though he has his suspicions about her meaning. 

“To have comfort sex after risking our lives for humanity.”  She, however, isn’t.  Not at all.

Erwin couldn’t remember if he had ever been propositioned so crudely in all his life.  He thinks to himself that he held himself to higher standards than that. 

_I can’t possibly._

But then Jakob was snatched up by an abnormal in a low-visibility area.  Erwin heard his dying screams as his body was crushed between rows of pearly whites.  He had turned away from the cries for help, gripping his reins so tight his palms bled.  The Legion had to press on.  

And then Ryan was caught in a titan’s grip when he maneuvered toward the wrong direction at the wrong time.  There was a moment in which Erwin realized that he had never known the sound of human bones being pulverized.  His stomach did a double-take as his ears tried to shut themselves off.  Unfortunately, such knowledge couldn’t ever be unlearned.    

Upon return, where was Eric?  Molly?  Phillip?  

And then he finds himself standing in front of the door to Bunk 15, in C Barracks.  How long he has stood there staring at the door handle was anyone’s guess… whittling away the time by replaying his comrades’ death every time he blinked. 

_I can’t possibly… get through this alone._

The door finally opens after some time and dead pools of blue meet tired orbs of bronze.  He sees the bird’s nest mess of hair on her head, her disheveled, untucked shirt, and thinks unabashedly, 

 _She’s alive._  

He blinks.  She’s still there.  And that is enough. 

Before he can stop himself or realize what he’s doing, his hands are on her, his lips crashing into hers over and over, rough and insistent.  Her thin fingers tangle in his hair, her glasses bumping against his nose as she reciprocates his desperate need to touch another warm body. 

Shadows flicker across the room as he pushes her up against the wall beside the table where a solitary candle burns, his calloused hands running up her shirt.  His finger tips can feel the wefts left in her skin by her harness, even a few scars from accidents he didn’t want to think about.  Her body told a tale of survival, and Erwin is reading it with wonder and amazement behind every touch.

Her breath comes in short, ragged gasps, and he loves hearing it against his ear or feeling it fluttering over his neck.  Every moan she gives, he swallows, savoring the reverberations from her voice in his throat.  

She pulls and tugs at his belts, his shirt, his pants… Everything needs to go, all at once, and she can’t decide precisely on the order.  When at last her hands are able to trace along his bare chest through an opening in his shirt, she smiles in appreciation at the strength she can feel beneath her fingertips.  The fantastic thing about being in the military was that she had only the finest specimens available for her pleasure.  And she took her perks wherever she could find them.  She gives a leery grin before biting down on his shoulder, and Erwin gasps, not expecting to find that he could spring to attention from something like that.  Had he always had a kink for biting and not known it, or is it just the heat of the current moment?  Maybe it’s just her. 

When she grinds her hips against him, it’s all the impetus he needs to grab her around her small waist and fling her onto the bed.  Manners and proper decorum be damned; he wanted her, and he wanted her now.  In a flurry of fabric and leather, their clothes and harnesses are discarded, falling to the floor with muffled clangs.  Her warm fluids coating his fingers tell him that she wants him too.  He pushes one finger into her wet, inviting warmth, and she squirms down against him, wiggling her hips so that she can take him in further. 

When his tongue brushes against a nipple, she arches her back with a keening cry, clawing at his shoulders and moaning all too loudly.  He gently pushes in a second finger, knowing it will do nothing to quiet her cries.  And as expected, she rewards his efforts with a stuttering moan, leaving marks on his back and shoulders with her blunt nails.  But it is rather unexpected when she suddenly pushes him off of her, shoving his back into the mattress and straddling him beneath her legs. 

Their eyes meet briefly, but they don’t see each other.  She is looking through him, focusing only on his warmth and the momentary pleasure his body can give hers.  He had barely opened his mouth to ask if she’s ready when she’s pushing herself onto him, making him swallow his words as her body swallows his length. 

His fingers are leaving bruises on her hips as she rocks up and down, but that only makes her more feverish.  She loves the discomfort caused by his tight grip; she welcomes the marks and bruises.  Slick, wet sounds fill the air to the accompaniment of Hanji’s delighted moans and Erwin’s soft gasps.  And when it seems as if she can endure no more ecstasy, he pulls her roughly down to him, kissing her hungrily as he lifts their hips and pound into her.  She comes with a choked scream, her fingers clenched in the sheets next to his shoulders where she had also left marks.  He comes shortly after, withdrawing as best he can from her warmth and splattering his cum between their bodies. 

Hanji collapses onto the bed beside him, comfortably exhausted and feeling the warm afterglow of an evening well spent.  Exhausted panting with a few light chuckles and giggles are the only things to fill the air between them for several moments.  It’s hard not to be in a better mood after some fantastic sex.  But Erwin grows unsure whether or not it would be proper to reach out and hold her.  He wants to.  But it is extremely likely that she isn’t looking for anything more than just a solitary night’s affection. 

“I—I’m…” 

The shame creeps up on him now that the deed is done and his mind is cleared from the haze of desire that had seized him.  He had never considered himself that sort of man.  But he is absolutely more than willing to take responsibility. 

“I’m sorry I—“ 

“Shut up.”  comes her muffled reply.  She’s lying on her stomach, facedown into her pillow.  The soft cushion swallows a pleased sigh before she slowly turns her head toward him. 

“I forced myself in a moment of—" 

“You didn’t force anything.  Or did you forget the part where I invited you here?  Or when I pushed you down onto this bed and rode you like my horse?”  

Erwin isn’t the type to blush but he’s certain his ears are burning.  Yes, that might have been what they had just done, but he didn’t really require an explicit verbal recap. 

“Then I didn’t… inconvenience you?” 

She raises her eyebrows as if she actually has to consider the question for a moment.  

“Oh… actually, yeah.  Right before I let you in, I was about to go and take a shit.” 

There’s a moment of incredulous silence before Erwin lets out a guffawing laugh.  Hanji is, of course, being completely serious, but she isn’t immune to his laughter.  She permits a small grin to spread to the side of her lips before she pulls herself up out of bed and searches for a few things to throw on.  It wouldn’t do to walk the hallways of the barracks stark naked, even if the bathroom is only ten paces away. 

“You’re… unlike any woman I’ve ever been with.”  He confesses as he watches her dress.  He’s more than a little disappointed to see her soft curves disappear under the fabric of her uniform.    

“I don’t know what the standards are for women inside Wall Sina—“ she grunts as she pulls up her pants, buckling and zipping them closed.  “—but here in the scouting legion, things are going to work a bit differently.  You’ve been with us a year already, haven’t you learned that?” 

“No I… I had a more restrained routine until now.” 

“So you were a prude.” 

“It’s my way of showing respect.” 

Her hands falter ever so slightly as she buttons up her shirt, her brows furrowing. 

“No… I don’t mean that I don’t respect you.”  Foot in mouth, Erwin.  Remove it.  These are absolutely the most appropriate things to say after sex.  “I just—it’s never been this bad for me.  I lost five friends on this expedition.  And I didn’t know how to—I _do_ respect you.” 

She walks back towards the bed, and Erwin braces himself for a well-deserved slap.  He flinches as she places a knowing kiss on his forehead instead. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.  We all do what we need to get by… and situations change.” 

When her weight leaves the mattress again, Erwin feels a coldness creep over him in her absence. 

“How do you stay alive?  How do you stay sane?” 

She stops at the door, turning to look upon him with the same face she had worn outside the wall. 

“I drown myself in rage and sorrow and hatred.”  Comes her solemn reply, and then she is gone. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The problem with drowning is… well, the drowning bit.  Rage and hatred are paralytics, and while they seem to have worked well enough so far for Hanji, Erwin isn’t sure that he wants to adapt the same method for his own survival.  Certainly not for his own improvement.  She’s a fine enough soldier but—

“You smell like sex.”  a voice creeps from behind his left ear. 

“Mike, is that really necessary?”  Erwin sighs as he turns to look up at his stupidly tall classmate. 

“So who was it?”  Another sniff, then a half smile.  “Another soldier, huh?” 

“One of these days, you’ll put that nose to better use.”

“I already do.”  Their steps fall in sync as they walk.  “When we were out on expedition, I could smell when the titans were coming.  Kept my squadron going in the right direction on the left flank.  Well, it also helps when your squadron leader listens to your advice.” 

“You managed to avoid the titans by smelling them?”  Erwin’s tone is slightly incredulous.  Strangely enough, Mike has one of the more useful skills a soldier of the scouting legion can possess.  He is undeniably a strange man.  Ridiculously tall, with a strange habit of smelling people, an unnerving custom of coming up from behind people unexpectedly… but useless he is not.    

“An early warning system would be tactically advantageous for the entire legion…” Erwin begins to mumble to himself. 

Mike lets him think for a few moments in silence.  Erwin’s mind is quick to come up with good strategy and ways to solve problems.  He isn’t just a good soldier; he’s clever with a tactically sound mind.  He had proven himself as much during their training years.  Given the right people who might listen, Mike is sure that Erwin could be promoted up the chain quite quickly.  But even so, there are still more pressing matters to discuss. 

“You still haven’t answered my question.” 

“Hm?” 

“Who was it?” 

“…Hanji Zoe.” the reluctant reply.  Not reluctant because of who it had been, to be clear.    

“I’ve heard that name.”  He scratches at his chin before taking another whiff of Erwin’s musk to help jog his memory.  “The general consensus among soldiers is that she’s aloof and stand-offish.  How did you even come across her?” 

“I took over her watch one night.  We… talked.” 

“And then you ended up in her bed.” 

“There’s no shame in it, Mike.”

“I didn’t say there was.” 

“Good.” 

“…”

“…”

“So are you planning on ending up in her bed again?” 

“Mike—“

“You smell like a monogamous man.”’

“That’s not something you can ‘smell’ about someone.” 

“You’d be surprised.” 

“Well… maybe.  If she’ll still have me.  And if we’re both still…”

“—interested?” Mike offers.

“—alive.”  Erwin murmurs a somber answer. 

A sniff. 

“What are you smelling now?” 

“My cue to leave.” 

And with a swift turn of his heel, he begins walking immediately in the opposite direction, just as Erwin turns a corner.  And from around that corner comes a pair of glasses attached to a woman.  The very woman who had been the topic of their conversation. 

“Miss Hanji!” 

“Just Hanji is fine.” 

Honestly, he’s stiffer than the hardwood boards they’re walking on, she thinks. 

“H-Hanji then.  How are you this afternoon?” 

Yep.  Any stiffer, and she’d have to fuck him again.  Not that she would mind that. 

“You’re not used to one-night stands, are you?” 

A few steps take her straight past him, and she claps him casually on the shoulder as she goes. 

“You don’t have to force yourself.  I don’t mind if you never speak to me—“

“I’m not forcing myself.” 

A strong hand wraps itself around her wrist, and she is stopped abruptly.  She makes a mental note that polite and timid are not the same thing, and that Erwin has a rather firm grip for someone who instinctively calls her “Miss.” 

“You’re right, I’m not used to one-night stands.”  He gives a small smile so charming she wants to declare it illegal.  “So if you’ll still have me, I—I’d like to see you again.” 

Hanji’s lips purse into a thin line, and her eyebrows furrow. 

“Next time we go out beyond the wall, I could die.  You could die.  All it takes is one mistake or just a little piss of bad luck.  You shouldn’t get too attached.” 

Her hesitation is met with a laugh that sounded almost… kind.  Stop it, she wants to say.

“You’re right.  I’ll endeavor not to.  And I certainly won’t hold it against you for doing the same.  But for my part, as long as we’re both alive… I’m not likely to go to anyone else.” 

If she’s meant to feel flattered by his devotion, she isn’t.  Mostly, she feels sorry that he got stuck with a choice like her.  Virgins did always like to get attached to their firsts.  Assuming he was a virgin.  Though when she thinks about it, the way he had held her had spoken much to the contrary.  But if he wasn’t a virgin, then that makes him a romantic, and that is considerably worse.  She pulls her arm free and turns her back to him. 

“…do what you like.”  


	2. Pass me by

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People change. Relationships change. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.

In the following weeks before the next expedition, Erwin is true to his word.  He seeks her out exclusively, even knowing that she had never promised to do the same in return.  The poor sod had been raised as a gentleman.  And Hanji… Hanji had been raised as filth. 

Somewhere behind Wall Sina, Erwin has a family, a home, and a warm bed to return to.  It was only out of wide-eyed idealism spawned from forbidden literature that he joined the scouting legion.  By contrast, Hanji had been the daughter of a broken marriage.  Her father had left their family before she could even memorize his face.  She could remember his drunken outbursts and the disgusting smell of his alcohol-soaked breath better than she could remember the color his eyes.  After he had left, her mother had had little choice but to resort to prostitution to raise her young daughter. 

So Hanji had joined the military as soon as she was able.  It was a brilliant escape, and the money was good.  Good enough to provide her mother a new lifestyle.  But before she could even graduate from training, before she could boast that she had been in the top ten of her training squadron, her mother had died of syphilis. 

“I’m sorry.  Truly.”

She isn’t sure why she told Erwin.  The knitty gritty details of Hanji Zoe’s life were known to no one before him.  No one had ever thought to ask, and she isn’t sure that she would have divulged even if they had.  But then again, Erwin is the only man with whom she had slept with more than three times.  Usually the others died soon after that.  Or they got tired of her after the first time and died right after anyway.  The specifics aren’t too important.  They left.  That’s the only detail worth noting. 

But now with Erwin… Erwin Smith… how many times had it been? 

“What is this, the tenth time?”  she asks as her fingers trace along his collarbone, their naked bodies nestled against one another under the thin covers of his cot.  His hand is combing absentmindedly through her hair, his fingers getting caught in the snags and tangles. 

“I haven’t been keeping count.” 

“I’m not used to having to use two hands for this sort of thing.”

“If you ask me, I think you made very good use of your hands for this sort of thing.” 

“…I’m rubbing off on you, aren’t I?” 

“I’ll have you know that you’re not the only crude-speaking soldier in the Legion.  There are plenty of other nefarious influences intent on making me unlearn my inner-wall ways.” 

“Mm…”  she buries her face in the crook of his neck, breathing deeply.

She is getting very used to the idea of Erwin always being around, which is a dangerous line of thinking.  But it’s sadly inevitable (such was the human condition), and no matter how much she wants to deny it, it’s comforting.  More than that, she can feel that his constant presence in her life had been good for her.  The nightmares had stopped, for one.      

Before she even realizes it, six expeditions and two years pass.  And they are still alive by the year 844.  They aren’t just foot soldiers anymore; they are veterans.  And even though she knows she shouldn’t, she begins to expect Erwin (and Mike) to stay alive.  Day by day, she grows a little less bitter, a little less angry.  She even grows slightly more talkative within her own squadron, who welcome the change.  When she walks the halls, people no longer whisper and point; now they greet her, and she, in turn, acknowledges their existence.  The hazy fog of rage is slowly lifting. 

It is in this state of clarity that a thought occurs to Hanji as she kicks off the head of a titan she has just beheaded. 

_It’s light!_

And that’s impossible.  It’s so impossibly light.  The titan’s head is bigger than she is.  While she can boast the strength of a soldier, she knows with certainty she’s not strong enough to punt a titan’s head across the grass like a ball. 

Her mind shifts.  The circuitry of her thoughts rewires itself, surging to life with new, unanswered questions.   The titans aren’t meant to be hated.  They’re meant to be studied.  Suddenly, she’s that wide-eyed little girl again looking up at the stars, wanting to count them and know their secrets.  Behind the hatred, there had always been questions, hadn’t there?  They are the questions that everyone thinks about but no one asks aloud.  They are the answers that need to be sought out but no one knows how to go about getting them. 

 _We need to capture them._   She thinks as one form of madness replaces the former in her mind.  _We need to experiment on them.  They’re the only ones who can give us the answers to the questions we’ve had for decades.  If humanity is meant to fight back, we need to know more._

On the way back, her thoughts are swimming with hypotheses and possible experiments and ways to appeal to the higher-ups for funding.  The first thing they need to do is develop the technology that would enable them to capture and restrain—

“Hrraaaaghhh!!” 

Of course, she still has to pay attention to her surroundings until they are safely back inside the wall.  Just ahead of her, a soldier had been snatched off of his horse by a 7m class.  His visibility had been limited by a patch of trees just to their right, and his reflexes hadn’t been quite fast enough to evade the sudden hand that reached out for him. 

Hanji draws her blades and hooks her grapples into the titan’s shoulder, launching herself off of her horse.  In the split seconds she has before impact, her mind races, fueled by adrenaline. 

_If I go straight for the titan’s wrist to free the soldier, I risk the titan turning to bite me out of the air.  But if I go straight for its neck, it’s possible it could take a plentiful bite out of the soldier first.  Okay… Time to be a little more unconventional._

Swinging around, she drives her blades into its eyes, great blobs of blood splattering onto her face and uniform.  The liquid hisses where it lands, the steam burning against her skin.  Pressing down on the handle triggers, she abandons the blades in its eyes, click new ones into place, then swings herself down from its face, slashing at its wrist tendons so that it drops the poor man.  Almost lazily, the titan touches its face with its uninjured hand, seemingly nonplussed by the sharp blades skewered into its eyeballs. 

Whistling for her horse, she practically throws the young man onto it before jumping into the saddle herself and riding away from the injured creature. 

“Th-thank you!  Thank you so much, miss Hanji!” 

“What’s your name, soldier?” 

“Moblit, maam!” 

“Call for your horse, Moblit.  Alhazen can’t carry us both for long.” 

Turning to see his rider-less horse dashing ahead, he brings his fingers to his lips, whistling it over.  Once the two are running neck and neck, Hanji keeping careful control of her own steed’s pace and direction, Moblit leaps back over onto his own mare.  Nervous sweat beads his face and his teeth are chattering, but his body knows at least to press onward and not remain frozen in terror.  And that’s more than Hanji can say for many young soldiers. 

“Is this your first expedition, Moblit?” 

“Y-yes maam.”  His hands grip his reins tight, his expression drawn tightly.

“Just making it back from your first mission is an accomplishment.”

“But I—“

“Just now I gave you orders, and you followed them.  You’re pressing onward now despite what just happened.  That’s something to your credit.  And if you can take something away from this to keep fighting, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

The pounding of hooves fill the silence between them for several minutes as they ride before Moblit turns to her, his eyes blinking back tears. 

“I will repay this favor, miss Hanji, I swear it!” 

Her mouth curls into a grin before she whips her reins and rides on ahead of him. 

 

“I’ll be counting on you, Moblit!”  she calls back to him with a wave.

   

* * *

 

“Where’s Erwin?” 

“Where’s Nanaba?” 

“Nanaba?  You mean that new recruit you’ve been pining after?” 

“I haven’t been pining.” 

“And I haven’t been shagging your best friend.  Where is he anyway?” 

“I saw him walking with the commander just a little while ago.” 

“Thanks, Mike.  Oh, and your girlfriend is back that way with the others from the rear right flank.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, well, your pheromones say otherwise.” 

“Speaking of smells,” he grabs her arm before she can run off.  “You smell different.”  He looks her up and down, taking in long, considering sniffs with his lips drawn into an inward pout.  “What happened to you out there?”  

Her eyes twinkle behind grimy goggles. 

“A revelation.” 

Wisely, Mike lets go of her before she can elaborate, and she bounces off in the direction he has led her.  If it’s that important, he’s sure he’ll hear about it later.  But as he sees her run off with a cheeriness he has never before seen, there is no denying he’s glad to see the sudden change in her.  It’s common to see soldiers break and crumble after the last straw hit their backs.  It is another thing entirely to see someone come back from that point of despair, with a stronger mind and a more resolute heart.  Whatever her revelation is, it’s put the first genuine smile Mike has ever seen on her face.

 _That must have been what she was like before she became a soldier_.

“Mike!” 

And then a sweet voice calls out to him, pulling him out of his thoughts (how dare he think about another woman) and into the present where a beautiful, flaxen-haired soldier jogs  towards him. 

“Nanaba!” 

He pulls zir into a gentle embrace, albeit a quick one, before clearing his throat and scratching at his moustache.  People are starting to call him the strongest soldier in the legion, but that doesn’t stop him from fidgeting like an adolescent boy in front of his definite not-crush. 

“How do I smell?”  ze asks with a snarky eyebrow raise. 

Okay, so maybe a definite crush. 

“You smell safe.”

And like perfection.  But mostly safe. 

“You really needed your nose to confirm what your eyes already told you?” 

“I believe you were the one to ask me just now.” 

Ze gives him the smallest of smiles with slightly averted eyes before fiddling with a pebble with the toe of zir boot. 

“I wish I could say the same for some of my comrades.” 

“The first expedition is the hardest one.  There’s a lot to be said for coming back from your first one alive.” 

“Is that easy to say as the strongest soldier?” 

He doesn’t like being called that.  He doesn’t know when it was that people started paying attention to things like kill counts, but apparently his is the highest, whatever that’s worth.  But even the most experienced soldiers can make a mistake or get caught in something unpredictable. 

“…no.  Condolences are never easy.  But I can say without hesitation that… I’m glad you’re safe.” 

“Just me?” 

“No, not just you.  But especially you.” 

Zir eyes suddenly find the ground extremely fascinating, and ze moves to stand beside him, interlacing their fingers together gently. 

“I’m especially glad you’re safe too.” ze murmurs. 

 

Mike inhales a sharp breath.  There is the scent of something extremely dangerous in the air as he has done what every soldier in the scouting legion is warned not to do.  But he can’t exactly still his beating heart. 

* * *

  

“Erwin!” 

“Hanji…” 

His shoulders are slumped, dark circles around his eyes, and his neatly combed hair is a ruffled mess.  His body screams of loss, and Hanji’s heart pangs at the sight of him.  Her excitement from a moment before instantly dissipates, and coldness seeps into her bones instead. 

“Erwin…” 

He takes her hand, gripping tight and pulling her along to his bunk, which is closest. 

She follows without a word.  She knows what he needs at that moment, and she is happy to give it as she had selfishly asked it of him many times in the past.  So when the door closes behind her and his hands are rough and needy on her body, his lips seeking the hot skin of her neck, she holds him tight and lets him lead. 

Normally, his touches are full of tenderness and affection, but at the moment they’re rough and insistent, bruising her skin in a way she doesn’t like and causing more than mild discomfort.  He muffles his sobs behind hungry kisses on her neck, collarbones, pulling her shirt open with such force she can feel the seams threatening to rip apart.

“Erwin…” she whispers gently, her hands resting on either side of his face. 

He bites down on the nape of her neck, eliciting a hiss of protest from her lips.  He’s hurting her now.  Even in their neediest moments, her inner-wall-raised hunk rarely allowed himself to lose control.  But now…

“Erwin…” she says a bit more forcefully, her hands now on his chest and pushing him ever so slightly away. 

But she can’t meet his eyes.  His hands grasp the fabric of her shirt, ripping it open and sending buttons scattering to the floor. 

No.  This isn’t the normal desperation that grips a soldier after a near-death experience, leading him to seek out another human body for warmth and comfort.  This is much more serious, and she can’t let him continue.  She doesn’t want this, and on some level, she knows he doesn’t want it either. 

“Erwin!  Stop!” 

She grabs his wrists, wrenching his grip off of her before seizing his face between her hands and forcing him to meet her gaze.  Her fingers feel the wetness of his tears before she can see them in the corners of his eyes. 

“Z-Zoe…” his cracking voice meekly whispers her given name. 

Swallowing hard, she presses his face to her chest, holding him in as tight an embrace as she can manage without suffocating him.  It takes a moment, then his body shakes once, twice… innumerably in her arms.  Warm tears soak the space between them as Erwin’s muffled sobs echo in the room. 

Hanji rubs slow circles into his back, resting her chin atop his head.

Eventually his sobs quieted.  When his grip around her loosens and she feels a sizable volume of air allowed to reenter her lungs, she kisses the top of his head gently. 

“I’m sorry.”  he whispers against her skin. 

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

As much as he appreciated the feeling of her warm skin pressed against him, a wave of exhaustion hits him, and all he wants is to lay down.  He pulls away from her, skulking to his bed.  Letting his body fall onto the mattress with a thump, he closes his tired eyes, bringing an arm up to cover his face.  He feels the edge of the mattress dip slightly under his knees as Hanji sits down, her back to him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”  she asks quietly. 

“Not yet.”

“Ok.” 

“Tell me what you were going to tell me.” 

“What?”

“When you found me.  You were going to tell me something before I—“ 

“Oh.  …it can wait.” 

“No, tell me now.  I want to know.” 

“…” 

It seems insensitive.  Unfair, even.  But there is no denying that she is very excited to share what she’s discovered.

“Out there, an abnormal came at me.  And it was pretty fast; it nearly got me.  I told the others to ride on, that I’d take care of it.  I cut off its head, making sure to cut through the back of the neck precisely, and then I kicked it across the field.” 

She looks at him expectantly, her eyes shining and her lips quivering.  Has he ever seen such a manic look in her eye?  Certainly not one like this, which isn’t at all fueled by hatred or grief. 

“I kicked it, Erwin.  Across the field.” 

“…and?”

Her hands shoot out to take one of his.  Her voice grows higher, louder, there is even a faint blush creeping across her cheeks as she begins to speak more rapidly. 

“They’re _light_ , Erwin.  Their bodies are so impossibly light!  How is it that they can be the size that they are and still weigh less than we do?  Why do they evaporate near instantaneously after we defeat them?  Why not leave behind corpses?”

“I don’t—know?” 

“Precisely.  You don’t know.  And I don’t know.  And… shouldn’t we know?  Humanity can’t make progress without learning more about them.  Know thy enemy.  Knowledge is power.  Erwin,”  here she punctuated her words with a strong, almost desperate grip on his shoulder, her eyes boring into his.  “We have to study them.”

“Hanji—“

“We have to capture them, run experiments, analyze them—this, _this_ is what we should be doing!” 

He can hardly believe what he’s seeing in her.  In the course of one expedition, she had transformed into a different creature entirely.  In two years he had barely seen her smile, let alone laugh or get excited or frantic or… giddy.  But right now, she was being downright giddy… about titans, whom she had sworn to hate!  Was such rapid change even possible within the realms of human psychology? 

“You’ve… changed.” 

_What happened to your anger, your hate?  What did you do with the defenses you had spent years building to guard your heart against the grief and sorrow?_

Hanji clamps her mouth shut when she sees how Erwin is looking at her.  She draws her hands away as if Erwin’s skin burned her to the touch like the titans’.  Her fingers grip instead the sheets on his bed, curling into tight fists as she lowers her eyes, taking care to control her voice now as she speaks. 

“Yeah...  I did.  But we have to change.  Evolution, survival… we’ll get wiped out if we don’t change and adapt and use our heads.” 

She swallows hard, her body trembling with newfound excitement at the possibilities and the prospect of progress.  All these years, she and the rest of the scouting legion and the whole of humanity have been lacking this sort of forward momentum. 

“I was wrong.  Rage and sorrow and hatred held me back.  I can’t—humanity can’t make progress this way.  I’m done being angry.  I’ll push down my sorrow, and I’ll throw away my hate.  Because I won’t find the answers to my questions that way.” 

His gentle touch on her hands, calloused fingers rubbing over her skin, supporting and kind, is the verdict she’s been hoping for. 

“You’re absolutely right.” 

To obtain progress, they had to change.  Her words resonate with him more than she knew. 

“I need funding,” she continues.  “I need approval from the brass to develop the technology we need in order to capture them.  I need a team, I need a lab, I need books, research…  Erwin, will you help me?”

“I’ll do everything I can.” 

“They’re not going to listen to just one soldier, but if you and Mike could—“

“They’re making me a squad leader.” 

Silence hit them both like a trainee unable to coordinate his 3D Gear. 

“...”

Hanji finds she has nothing to say.  For over a year, she has been repeatedly refusing offers to be made into a ranking officer.  She doesn’t want the responsibility of other soldiers’ lives in her hands.  She knows she would care for them, and she knows they will die.  Even though she is a veteran soldier, even though the young soldiers already treat her like an authority figure, she wants to believe that if she’s never officially an officer, she will never cross the line into feeling responsible for their passing.  She could never order her soldiers to die.  She wouldn’t. 

“They’re… making you.”  she repeats, her tone disapproving. 

“There’s no one else.”

“Over a year they’ve tried to ‘make’ me a squad leader.  Was it so easy with you?” 

“I don’t have much choice here when—“

“Of course you have a choice.  This isn’t you being forced; this is you _choosing_ to take up rank!  You’re choosing to be an officer—“

“Yes.” 

His expression is hard, his voice cold and stern and entirely different from the young soldier who had politely asked her if he could sit beside her during a night’s watch. 

“Because humanity needs people to take charge in the fight against the titans.”

“Could you order your men to die?  Could you learn their names, their faces, their hopes and dreams, and then throw them aside?  Like pigs to the slaughter?  Because that’s what you’ll have to do.” 

“We’ll get wiped out if we don’t change and adapt.”  he spits her words coolly back at her, his grim face unchanged.  “That’s what you just told me.” 

“I didn’t mean like this.” 

“There are different ways to adapt.  Can you say that the change I’ll have to make is wrong when compared to the change you’ve just made?  Both are necessary for the sake of humanity’s future.” 

 

 

Her heart is breaking from the truth of his words.  The young man she has come to know is becoming a monster.  Because he has to.  Just as she’s beginning to reclaim her humanity, he is making the decision to discard his.  And she can't stop him.  And he can’t stop her. 

* * *

  

“Erwin, I can’t believe you!” 

The sound of her slap echoes in the open air even among the ambient noises of soldiers shuffling by, horses stomping the ground and champing at their bits. 

Mike and Nanaba grab Hanji in an instant, holding her back as she tries to lash out at the man in front of her.  Nanaba shoots cold glares at soldiers stopping to stare in confusion at the commotion. 

“Hanji, enough!”  Mike is holding her right arm in a tight grip, trying to keep her grounded in place. 

“Hanji, please!”  Nanaba is on her other side, slightly gentler hands on her shoulder, keeping her back. 

“I did what I had to, what I was ordered to do.” 

“You sent them to die!” 

“And they, in turn, saved dozens of other soldiers with their sacrifice!” 

They had just returned from a short scouting mission, a simple test run in which the commander gave Erwin power to test his idea of a long-range scouting formation.  Once they were shortly out past the wall, three small squadrons with recently developed flare guns were sent out ahead in a triangular formation as a vanguard, surrounding the bulk of the legion. 

For the most part, the mission was successful.  The left and right vanguards both managed to provide several messages of incoming titans, allowing the rest of the legion to change direction as they charged.  They were given strict orders not to engage if at all possible, and to send up red signal flares whenever they spotted a titan.  When the red flares were sighted, the central formation would send up a green flare signifying a change in direction.  If for some reason their squadron was compromised, they were to send back a single rider to report the situation. 

Within an hour, the right vanguard squad had been killed, a single, battered soldier riding to report the emergence of an abnormal titan they couldn’t handle.   And a couple of hours after that, when titans emerged on their left flank, they knew the left squadron had been wiped out as well, and a blue flare to signal retreat was given. 

The formation wasn’t perfect, Erwin had thought.  It would be good in the future to have a signal available for abnormal-type sightings, and emergencies at least.  It would also be good to spread out the entire formation instead of just sending out three vanguard squadrons.  Yes, he had sent out three squadrons knowing that they were not likely to make it back from this particular mission alive.  But in turn, his idea had just allowed the scouting legion to return from a mission (granted, a short one) with less than 20% casualties. 

“The blood of the vanguard squadrons is on my hands.  But as an officer, I made a call.  My soldiers followed my orders.  That’s all there is to it.” 

Then he turns on his heel and withdraws, leaving Hanji with only the image of his wings burning in her eyes. 

“Hanji… you have to admit, it worked.”  Mike lets his grip relax when he feels her shoulders slump. 

“This is the fewest amount of soldiers the legion has lost in years in a single expedition.”  Nanaba adds, lowering zir hands. 

“We all knew what we were getting into.  We all took this path knowing that we could end up losing our lives at any moment.  Those soldiers understood it too.” 

Hanji’s eyes look from Mike’s to Nanaba’s, and she knows that they speak reason and sense.  The facts are laid out before her eyes and they don’t lie.  At the expense of the few, many had been allowed to return, and she knows that Erwin’s long-range scouting formation, once perfected, will be a vital tool in extending the lives of soldiers in the legion.  But it’s the way he had looked at her, spoken to her… the way that he had given those commands without a moment’s hesitation.

“I know we offered up our lives.  I swore it too, but… But Erwin’s losing so much more than that right now.” 

She falls into Nanaba’s arms, clutching tight as her body shakes with sobs, though no tears fall.  Mike lays a gentle hand on her back, his other resting on the small of Nanaba’s back. 

“That’s why he needs us; it’s why he needs you.  We have to remind him to not go too far.” 

Her tired eyes meet Mike’s consoling hazel ones and she sniffs, her sobs slowly quieting.  She didn’t want to be needed that way.  Their lives as soldiers is difficult enough.  But if Erwin thought she was going to become a complacent yes-man just because they weren’t equal rank… Biting her lip, she stomps off after him, but not before giving both Mike and Nanaba a kiss on the cheek each in gratitude. 

“Thanks for holding me back.  And thank you for _not_ holding me back right this second.” 

“Go get him.”  Nanaba encourages with a small smile. 

Her footsteps move with purpose, disguising the doubt that swirls in her mind as she storms off to Erwin’s room.  If he becomes a tactical monster that increased survival rates in the Legion, it would be for the greater good.  But it wouldn’t be good for her.  And it wouldn’t be good for him. 

She finds him sitting at the foot of his bed, his back hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, holding his face in his hands.  To think him unaffected had been a misjudgment on her part.  Closing the door softly behind her, she approaches slowly, giving him the opportunity to throw her out if by chance he didn’t want her company.  She reaches out with a tentative hand, rubbing slow circles on his back, a sigh escaping her lips. 

“I’m sorry.”  she whispers.  Not just for the slap, but for so many other things that she doesn’t know how to articulate.    

When Erwin lifts his head to look at her, she can hardly believe the change she sees in his face.  A single expedition as a squad leader has aged him considerably, his eyes cold and dark, wrinkles snaking around his lips.  She cradles his face gently with her long, thin fingers, and places a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

He reaches up with one hand, laying his calloused fingertips over the tops of her hands on his face and closes his eyes.  The touch of her fingers is cold on his skin, but Hanji’s always had cold hands. 

_Do I push her away or do I pull her close?_

He recalls the names of the soldiers who fell in the vanguard squadrons. 

“Pierre Berger.” 

 _No.  Don’t do this to yourself._  

Since he hasn’t refused her company yet, Hanji takes the initiative, kneeling down to kiss his cheek. 

“Robert Steiner.” 

Her lips fall onto his other cheek. 

“Lisa Iliev.” 

She claims his lips next, silencing him.  No.  No more.  No more names. 

He gives in to her touch, his strong arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her to sit in his lap, their lips and tongues clashing.  Their kisses are fevered and desperate.  He wants to surrender his control, give in to the beast inside of him, because a beast he must become in order to do his duty.  But Hanji is pulling at his humanity, clawing desperately to keep him within reach.  Just for tonight, tonight for perhaps the last time… he gives in. 

His hands slide up the sides of her body, gently pushing the lapels of the jacket apart, and she rolls her shoulders to help him remove her jacket.  Her fingers move from his face to her buckles, while he untucks and unbuttons her shirt, lips kissing at her pulse and sucking lightly. 

Soft sighs escape Hanji’s lips, but she’s lacking her usual fire.  Her gestures show resignation, not passion; her eyes look to the ceiling as her clothes fall around her.  His hands are warm on her cold skin, but it’s only the surface warmth she feels.  When he pulls her down onto the bed and hovers over her, she’s reminded of the first time they laid together.  There was no affection, only needy touches and a raw desire for release.  Anyone would have done.  Just like now.  Anyone would do. 

He looks at her, but he doesn’t see her.  He sees a remaining fragment of the man he was, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t resent her at least a little for that.  She looks at him, but she sees only the brute he must become, only remnants of a quickly dying ideal.  She knows it’s selfish to think so, but it hurts her.   

Erwin’s clothes are removed in a hurried frenzy.  She spreads her legs for him, foreplay be damned.  She’s just wet enough for him to slide in without pain, but it’s not exactly comfortable, and she’s not sure how much of it could be called pleasure. 

He pauses, noting her discomfort.  Tenderly, he demands the attention of her lips with his own, while his fingers reach down to rub and press against her clit, finally eliciting soft moans from her throat.  His hands gradually coax more wetness from her body along with more signs of pleasure.  He wants her to smile for him; it was odd to see her not laughing and giggling and enjoying herself.  The most he can get for now, however, is a rock from her hips, signaling she’s ready. 

So he braces his hands on the mattress as her legs wrap around him, her hips lifting upward and he pulls in and out of her to the tune of her melodic cries.  Every thrust feels like an apology, but her responding moans are not forgiveness.  Their combined release comes quickly, and it’s almost disappointing. 

She expects the wetness she feels on her stomach, beads of semen dripping down her sides onto the bed sheets.  But she didn’t expect the drops of moisture falling onto her face.  She looks up and sees his features marred by tears and heartbreak.  Behind every soldier’s proud countenance was a boy playing pretend.  Holding his quivering body in her arms, she bit back her own tears.  And when a respite finally settles, she whispers,

“Will you stay a squad leader?” 

“Yes.” 

“You know what I think, don’t you?” 

“I do.”  He begins to kiss along her collarbone. 

“I think we should stop this.”  She whispers feverishly in his ear. 

“I agree.”  His lips find their way to her neck, her jaw…

“No more…” she murmurs, her breath catching in her throat, her fingers seizing handfuls of his hair.

“No more.” he concedes, his thumb grazing over a nipple. 

Repeatedly they whisper to each other the end, but their bodies keep touching, their lips keep meeting, and they keep going until dawn.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gender neutral Nanaba from the narrator's perspective.  
> Levi's coming in soon, I promise.  
> And no. No, I can't let anyone be just happy. Maybe for a few paragraphs. But not much more than that.


	3. Who's this douchebag?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were all used to people leaving. Expected it, even. But when Erwin brings into their lives a new unhappy face, it's not exactly a welcome change. At least, not at first.

In 845, humanity is pushed back behind Wall Rose as Wall Maria falls to the unexpected onslaught of the colossal and armored titans.  After having served dutifully for three years as commander, Clyde Omissus resigns his post as commander of the scouting legion for his own psychological health.  He is given citizenship and property behind Wall Sina, honorably discharged, and the command then falls to the then squad leader, Erwin Smith.  

On his first day in his new office as commander, he bestows the rank of squad leader to Mike Zakarius, Nanaba, and a reluctant Hanji Zoe.  In her begrudging acceptance of her new rank, Hanji is given all of the appropriate funding she needed to develop tools with which to capture and restrain titans, along with books, prior research, access to all forbidden literature, and a small research team in addition to her existing squadron, though there was considerable overlap on that point.  

She takes his gestures even with the strings attached.  It was the only way she was going to be able to research the titans like she wanted to.  She tries to convince herself this is the only reason, and that there is no sentimental rubbish about staying close to the Commander lest he get out of hand.  Soon, she is drowning in her research, leaving barely any time for food or sleep, much less a certain man named Erwin Smith.  He has given her the opportunities she wanted, and she’s going to make damn good use of her time.  For the good of humanity… but it was also good for her to have some distance. 

She’s not surprised when Moblit is the only one to volunteer for her special titan research squadron at first.  Nor is she surprised when Erwin leaves her be to let her science consume her.  No one is surprised when Mike and Nanaba step up to their new responsibilities as veteran soldiers and as officers in the Legion.  And when, after days and weeks of scouring through forbidden literature and prior research, she finds nothing particularly enlightening about the origins of the titans, there is not a hint of shock. 

But when she finds herself standing in front of a short, disgruntled punk from the underground of the inner wall, Erwin standing almost smugly behind his newfound stray, she’s positively stupefied. 

“Who—?” 

“His name is Levi.  He’s going to be a soldier starting from today.” 

“I can speak for myself, old man.” 

Mike shoots Hanji a look (in which they both silently agree to the peculiarity of the situation) before stepping forward, sniffing the air around the dark-haired runt before straightening up and giving Erwin a scrutinizing look. 

“He’s not an early graduate.” 

“What the hell, did you just… smell me?”  Levi shoots disgusted glares at Mike, backing away slightly before his eyes find Hanji’s, who is still looking at him as if he were a mutant creature with three heads and nine arms. 

“I found him in the underground inside Wall Sina.” 

“He’s a criminal.”  Mike’s moustache seemed to positively bristle. 

“He’s been pardoned.” 

“Don’t talk around me like I’m not in the room.”  Hanji notes that the shrimp gets irritable quite easily.  Many short people were of similar temper. 

“Our next expedition outside the wall is in a month’s time.  In that time, the two of you are to teach and mentor him.” 

“Erwin, it takes more than a month to master using 3D maneuver gear.”  Mike’s protests are quick. 

“You’ll find that he’s quite proficient in it already.”  Erwin replies to the accompaniment of an arrogant scoff from Levi.  “What he needs is training on how to kill titans.” 

Another scoff. 

“On top of which, he needs to learn how to read and write.  Hanji, if you could.”  His tone is authoritative, but it still softens ever so slightly as her name passes through his lips. 

Levi quirks an eyebrow at the change in tone, and immediately after finds himself scrutinizing the woman who stands flabbergasted before him.  She doesn’t seem like anything special… but he has to remember that she is a squad leader in the scouting legion, and he has to give credit at least where credit is due. 

She barely gives _him_ any consideration, however, her eyes fixed on the commander, her lips pursed in a confused, but undeniably irritated frown. 

“Tch, if you don’t want to teach me, you can just say so.” 

That got her attention.  She turns a slow, long look his way, her eyes flashing behind her glasses. 

“Erwin, I need to talk to you.”  she said at last, though her eyes were still fixed on Levi, eyes blazing with subdued confrontation. 

A sigh escaped before he could stop it, and he gives a nod of his head to Mike, who takes the cue to turn straight on his heel, pausing only at the door to indicate that Levi should follow. 

“Might as well get started now, what do you say?”

“Whatever.”  Levi shoots one last look at the two remaining in the office before following Mike out of the door, walking after him with his arms crossed.  When they were definitely out of earshot, he ventures,  “What the hell was that about?” 

“Just a squad leader asking for an audience with the commander.”

“I’m not stupid, you know.” 

“Good.  You’ll be a fast learner.” 

Inside the office, Erwin had seated himself behind his desk, a small stack of papers situated in front of him. 

“Erwin, what are you doing?”  her voice is exasperated and more than a little perplexed.

“If you’ve nothing else to say to me, I was going to do my paperwork.  There’s a lot of bureaucracy to be taken care of in my position.” 

“Who is he?  Why would you bring him here?” 

“He has the potential to be a great soldier.” 

“So you’re picking up street rats because we can’t meet our recruitment quotas?  Don’t give me your ‘commander’ bullshit.  Tell me what’s going on.”  she’s losing her patience now, and if he didn’t start giving her straight answers, she was going to rip that stupid bolo tie straight off his neck and strangle him with it. 

“You’ll see him in action soon enough, so you’ll know, but… he’s a prodigy.  I’ve never seen someone move in 3D gear like he does.” 

“Stolen 3D gear, sold on the black market to criminal gangs.  You brought us a glorified mafia grunt.” 

“We can refine him.  He can become an incredible force for the Scouting Legion, humanity’s strongest soldier.  He can become a beacon of hope.” 

“…politics.”  comes her quiet reply. 

“We can’t pretend like we’re immune or exempt from them.  Citizens and politicians are constantly wondering why their taxes fund our expeditions when all we’ve done so far is provide our men to the titans like cannon fodder.” 

“That’s your plan.” 

“Our mission has changed.  With the fall of Wall Maria, it’s our chance to redeem ourselves to the public.  If we can secure a supply line back to the breach in Shiganshina… if we could retake what we’ve lost for the benefit of mankind… we can earn the public’s respect.  Yes, money is a motivator, but we owe it to the lives already lost to do whatever we can to keep going, even if it means our pride.”  His tone is harsh, his fists clenched above the desk. 

“So you want me to play personal tutor to help groom your prize pet?”  she hisses.  As if she didn’t have more important things to do with her time! 

“Yes.  Yes, Hanji, that is your job.  Mentor him, train him, be a good influence and model for him… in place of me.” 

She sucks in a breath.  That isn’t fair.  Nearing five years together, he knows all too well how to pull on her heartstrings.  She just never believed he would use them against her like he is now. 

“…all right.” 

 

* * *

 

“He… dr-ah… dropped.  He dropped… his… his…” 

“Shoe.”  Hanji finishes for him. 

“What?” 

“He dropped his shoe.  You know, the things you wear on your feet?” 

“I know what shoes are, why the hell is it spelled with an ‘e’ at the end?”

“It’s—“

“Two days ago, you told me the ‘ooh’ sound is spelled with two ‘o’s.  Since then, that sound has been spelled with _oo, ue, ew_ , and now _oe_.” 

“There’s also _ough_.  Like with the word ‘through.’” 

“What the actual fuck.” 

She had to be kidding.  This all had to be an elaborate joke.  Either spelling was invented by a bunch of dickwads who just wanted to fuck everyone over then rub salt into their metaphorical assholes, or Hanji and Erwin were just messing with him for shits and giggles.  What need did he have for literacy?  He had been brought in to be a soldier, and he could do that part just fine. 

He slams his head down on the book like a petulant child, glaring at her sidways from across the table. 

“Look, I didn’t make these rules to torture you.”

“But you are.” 

Her eyebrow twitches in irritation.  “I have better things I could be doing too, you know.  If you’re just going to be ungrateful—“

“Don’t pretend like you’re being generous here, you’re teaching me because Erwin told you to teach me.” 

“Puny punk.”

“You wanna go, shit-for-eyes?” 

She slams her fist on the table, startling Levi slightly, her eyes obscured behind the glare of her glasses.  Without another word (which Levi found to be a notably different change of pace from her usual nonstop blabbering), she stands from the table, making Levi wince from the scraping sound her chair makes against the floor.  Stomping out, she nearly runs straight into Moblit, who was walking in carrying cups of tea for the two of them. 

“Sq-squad leader?!” 

By a feat of amazing talent, he manages to save the tea, but Hanji’s already gone.  It was rare to see Hanji so riled up, but knowing what he knew about the changes in her personality over the years, Moblit always finds it more of a comfort when she lashes out as opposed to when she retreats in silence instead. 

“Oi.” 

“Y-yes?” 

Moblit still finds himself struggling on a proper way to deal with the special recruit the Commander has brought in.  Everything about the short malcontent makes him uneasy.  Not having gone through the mandatory three years of training, Levi is lacking in all proper military decorum, and carries himself like a commanding officer.  More than anything, Moblit doesn't want to leave Hanji alone with him.  He had heard rumors about Levi being a former thug of the inner wall underground. 

“You’ve known her longer.  What’s her deal?”  Levi blurts, and an eyebrow twitches on Moblit’s expression.  But if he’s going to be completely honest, he’s mostly getting sick of this newcomer’s disrespect toward Miss Hanji. 

“That's… that question is a bit broad, isn’t it?”  Unfortunately, he has no idea how to sound intimidating or dismissive, and he always ends up sounding more nervous than he would like. 

The tea makes its way safely onto the table lest another outburst send it flying to the ground.  There are children’s books littering the table, one of them open about halfway through with red marks and scribbles all over the pages.

“You’re on books?” 

“Barely.”  Levi blows on his tea, clicking his tongue in irritation at the literature in front of him. 

“You’re going quite quickly through Miss Hanji’s curriculum then.  She didn’t expect you to be able to handle books until tomorrow or the day after.” 

There’s an immediate flash of irritation that she could underestimate him in any way, but…

“Curriculum?”  he repeats.

“It’s like a lesson plan.  They day you were brought here, she stayed up all night making one.”  If he can’t intimidate him, then he could maybe at least guilt him a little. 

“…” 

Oh, no witty comeback?  Only a thoughtful silence?  Time to press his advantage.

“She _is_ impressed by your progress.  Nearly every night she’s had to alter and update her lesson plans for the next day to factor for your momentum, carefully considering your strengths and weaknesses too.” 

“Which is precisely why you should be more appreciative of her efforts.”  

Both men startle at the sound of a rich baritone voice coming from the doorway.  Moblit immediately jumps to attention, his hand over his heart, eyes wide.

“C-Commander!” 

“At ease, Moblit.”  Erwin smiles and gives a wave of his hand, crossing the room in two broad strides and laying a strong hand on Moblit’s shoulder.  “I’d like to have a word with Levi.” 

“Y-yes sir!”

“Oh, and Moblit?”  Erwin calls to him just as he’s about to exit. 

“Commander?” 

“Thank you for always looking after Hanji.” 

There’s that soft tone again, Levi notes.  And once Moblit is out of earshot,

“Is it possible that you’d answer me honestly if I ask you about your relationship to that strange woman?”

“Her name is Hanji Zoe.  And she’s a trusted subordinate and friend.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Don’t give her a hard time, she really is putting a lot of effort into you.” 

“Because you told her to.”

“No.”  Levi is taken aback by how harshly it’s spoken.  “Because she’s kind.” 

He sighs and puts a hand to his forehead.  Yeah, all right, they were all doing a very good job of making him feel the guilt.  Clearly it was time for him to stop being a brat and go apologize to the shitty—Hanji. 

“Yeah, I know…” he grumbles. 

He was an orphan and a thug, and he had gone his entire life without ever having a single person dote on him or spend as much time and effort as Hanji has on him for the past several days.  Maybe at one point in his life he could have appreciated it, but it’s surprisingly overbearing at his current time of life. 

“I’ll go find her, all right?” 

Erwin stands aside to let Levi though, calling after him one final time.

“She’ll be good for you.” 

His words give Levi pause, and he turns a glaring side eye upwards. 

“Speaking from personal experience, old man?” 

“Don’t mess this up, Levi.” 

Levi snorts and rolls his eyes.  Erwin was _definitely_ speaking from personal experience, whether he’d admit it directly or not.  Assuming he lives long enough, he’s sure he’ll find out at some point.  He walks on, waving a hand behind him. 

He eventually finds her in her lab, buried behind mounds and piles of books, reading on the floor with a half-empty cup of tea beside her lap (no doubt brought by Moblit).  Her eyes never leave the page, even when he enters the room without knocking, and walks up to her. 

“Hey.”  He’s very much resisting the urge to kick her gently to get her attention.  Not that he knows anything about manners, but aren’t people supposed to at least acknowledge when another person enters the room? 

“Parthenogenesis.” 

“…what?” 

“It happens naturally in various plant species, also among many insects.” 

“What the hell is—“

“It’s a form of reproduction not requiring male gametes.  An unfertilized egg will literally just develop into a new individual.  It’s basically cloning.” 

If this is her way of flirting, it’s the saddest, piss-poor excuse Levi’s ever encountered in all his life.  Though, if she’s trying to weird him out and scare him off, she’s doing a slightly better job.  Only he doesn’t scare easily.  

“That is, of course, just one method of asexual reproduction.  There are a few others, mostly done by plants, like fission and budding.”

“Look—“

“Fragmentation is one of the most interesting, in my opinion.  You can see it in worms and these creatures called sea stars, which I’ve never seen but—“

“Hey, I came here to—“

“I know why you’re here.”   The book clamps shut with a soft thump in her lap. 

It should have been easy.  He was just supposed to come out and say he’s sorry, but now that she’s sitting there, expectantly waiting for him to say it, he’s getting flustered and irritated again.  If she knows he’s going to apologize, does he even have to say it anymore? 

“Piles of research.”  She whispers, breaking the silence.  Though that’s nothing new, if the silence was going to be broken by anyone, it would be her.  “Thousands and thousands of pages of forbidden literature, hundreds of thousands… millions!  I can’t even comprehend that number, if I’m going to be honest.  Millions of words, written by dozens of people, from over a hundred years ago… all about the world outside.” 

“…” If he’s supposed to speak, he doesn’t know what she wants him to say.

“I want to see it.  I didn't join the Legion wanting to see it, but now I do, and the titans are in our way.  So I have to do everything I can to learn more about them, understand them, because knowledge is how we defeat them.” 

Her hands gripping the book in her lap are shaking.  If he thought she was a weirdo before, that was nothing compared to how she was coming off right now.  She looks like a junkie begging for another hit; only she’s lucid and making way more sense than she should. 

“Okay.  So that’s your work.”  He settles on the floor across from her, taking a book off the pile and glancing at the cover.  And for the first time, curiosity hits him.  What’s on the cover?  What’s the book about?  What does it have to say about that world outside they’re all burning to see? 

“You know, I’d have been much more interested in books like these instead of books for rug crawlers about an asshat named Jack.” 

“Well when you graduate from rug crawler to the average height of a human female, maybe you can tackle more interesting books.”

“How about I tackle you instead?” 

“Is that a promise?”  Her laugh resonates through him unexpectedly, and suddenly, he’s trying and failing to quell the blood rushing to his ears.  So it turns out, she _can_ actually flirt. 

She lets her giggles subside, but in the absence of continued banter from Levi, she sucks in her lips and swallows. 

“Sorry.  It slipped.”  She waves her hand dismissively and licks her lips, and Levi wants her not to do that anymore.  “But look, you are making great headway.  It’s not like I have to teach you Common like it’s a second language, it’s just reading and spelling.  And that’s really not—“

“I’m sorry.”  There.  He said it.  Maybe not at the best time, but he said it. 

“I know.  You didn’t have to say it.” 

“Look, I had to say it for my sake too, ok?”  he snaps. 

“All right, ok.”  She shifts her weight slightly on the floor.  “For the record, you’re forgiven.” 

“I’m not good at this.”  he confesses and the reasons are unknown to even him.  In the span of one conversation, he had gone from thinking of her as an overbearing nuisance to confessing his social shortcomings.    

“When in doubt, make a shitty joke.”

“What?”

“We’re not all uptight prudes or anything.  I mean, ok, there are ranks.  You’re gonna have to learn to respect and follow some of the ways we do things around here.  But it’s not like any of us are expecting you to change your entire personality to be here or do your job.” 

Well great.  Now she’s not just making sense, she’s being charming.  He’s tempted to reach out and pinch that stupid smile right off her grimy face.  Except then he’d get her grime on his hands. 

“So I don’t have to pull any punches?” 

“Figuratively, no.  Literally though, I’d prefer you be gentle with me.”  she smirks.  “Sorry.  It slipped again.” 

“I don’t mind.”  he blurts. 

“What?” 

“I don’t mind,” he repeats a little more forcefully.  “When you slip.” 

“…oh.” 

 

* * *

 

 

She didn’t think she’d have to do this again.  By the goddesses of the walls that she refused to believe in, she really didn’t think she’d have to do this again.  But she does.  She slams open the door to Erwin’s office, stomping across his office in long strides before she reaches across his desk to take his stupid bolo tie in her hand and pull him towards her.  His face is that cold calm she’s grown to loathe seeing on his face, and hers is a righteous fury. 

“So you heard.” 

“It’s his first fucking mission, Erwin.”  she hisses between her teeth. 

“He’s a capable soldier.” 

“Then let him be a soldier first before you throw him a rank!” 

“I was always going to make him a lance corporal, whether it’s now or later doesn't make much difference.”  he grabs her wrist tightly, so tight she winces, but she’s not willing to give in. 

“Your first mission as a squad leader, do you remember that?  How you were after that, how you came to me?” 

“He’s from the criminal underground.  He’ll be able to handle it better than most.” 

“That doesn’t mean he’ll handle it well.  No one would be able to handle that well unless they were completely heartless, which he’s not.”  she argues through a breaking voice, her grip faltering. 

Erwin disentangles himself from her grasp, standing from his desk and turning his back to her, his eyes staring resolutely forward out the window.  She’s once again left with only the picture of his back, the wings of freedom blazing on his back and carrying him further and further away from her. 

“Are you so far out of my reach now, Erwin?”  she whispers, small droplets falling hopelessly from her face onto the desk and pooling behind her glasses. 

The monster recedes at the sound of her tears.  He bites his lip and the ache of it reminds him that pain always lingers waiting to strike.  Especially when he causes it in those beloved to him.  The commander regresses.  For her, he can be Erwin Smith, the man.  Not always, not all the time… but in moments of apology, he can be that for her. 

She’s surprised to feel his gentle touch on her shoulders, pulling her towards him with strong, supportive arms.  A heavy, gasping sigh escapes her as the floodgates burst.  The months had flown by with her blatant ignorance to their passing.  Somewhere, in that time, she should have ended it.  She should have closed those doors for her own sanity, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it and neither could he.  But now is the breaking point.  Months without feeling the comfort of his arms around her while she buried herself in her research, trying to forget how much she cares for the great big brute…  And now with her weight resting in the security of his firm embrace, she knows it’s the last time. 

“I’ve made my decision.” 

There’s a sound rustling in her ears she tries to ignore. 

“I have to do what’s necessary.” 

It grows clearer as it grows faint.

“Look out for Levi; take care of him.  Take care of each other.” 

She closes her eyes to the fading sound of flapping wings.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had already written this bit when the Prologue chapter for Levi's backstory came out. So yeah, I know Mike was probably with Erwin when they found Levi, but then I was too lazy to go back and change what I had written so... 
> 
> And along those lines, I had never really planned on writing in a scene for how Erwin and Levi meet and how Levi is convinced to join. Mostly because there are plenty of other fics out there that explore this idea in pretty great detail, but also because of this new side-manga that we're going to get. I didn't want to bother coming up with headcanons to have them be ripped apart.
> 
> Passive aggressive Moblit is my favorite Moblit. 
> 
> And what I really need to say is that I really do appreciate every comment, every kudos. Feedback is fuel to a writer's soul, and those of you who take the time to say anything at all are extremely sweet people. Your supporting praise is accepted, however undeserved. <3


	4. Selfishness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens. Some of it is sad, some of it is happy, some sexy... and I'm really bad at chapter summaries.

The return of the scouting legion from an expedition is never celebrated.  They are always beaten, tired, worn to rags and missing more than half of the troops with which they had left.  Sometimes they return to hushed jeers and whispered mockery, as citizens ridicule their existence and their funding.  More often, they return to the sounds of wailing family members who can’t find their loved ones among the crowd of soldiers, who beg for a body, or even a sliver of news.  

Was my son useful?  Where is my daughter?  Who was there to see my husband die?  Please, give my brother back to me.  Will I see papa again? 

But never in all their years have they returned to silence.  They are all, every last one, crushed by the guilt of their existence, knowing that humanity as a collective has sent out over 250 thousand soldiers in a military campaign doomed to failure. 

Erwin Smith’s first campaign as commander of the scouting legion is the biggest expedition humanity has ever sent out against the titans.  But there is no fanfare, for no one can celebrate the loss of so many human lives.  Ironically, there is neither condemnation, for no one can deny that there was not enough food and there were too many mouths to feed.  There is nothing.  Barely even the recognition that the deed was done.

And for those who came back alive, there is only silence and shame. 

For Levi, there is blood.  In his nightmares, he’s drowning in the blood of the men and women sent to the slaughter.  It stains his hands, fills his airways, it’s _filthy_ , he’s so filthy…

The first night of their return, he spent hours in the shower scrubbing, washing, soaking, and scrubbing again until his skin was raw and torn.  Hanji had forcibly pulled him out, letting him cling to her for hours until both their tears were spent.  

They spend days together if only because they can’t spend their nights alone.  Levi spends several hours everyday soaking and washing, standing beneath the spray of warm water, unable to see anything but filth wash down the drain.  Sometimes Hanji joins him and they hold each other’s naked bodies without speaking.  The reality of their situation has never been so real, but neither still has been the tenderness and comfort provided by another human touch. 

When it’s too quiet, he asks for her to read to him.  He likes the sound of her voice.  If she reads to him, he can eventually fall asleep.  And as long as she’s with him, the nightmares are bearable because she’s there when he wakes up. 

After losing count of the days, he kisses her.  For days they’ve bathed together, slept together in the same bed, but some arbitrary line was never crossed.  He’s crossing it now. 

“You just kissed me.”  she states.  Levi rolls his eyes.

“The woman of science strikes again.”  The humor is back.  Good.  “Now tell me if I’m allowed to do it again.” 

She pauses, considering his request.    
  
“Is it Erwin?” 

“You’ve been paying attention.”  

“I’m not stupid.  And you two are like an open book.” 

“We… we have a history.”  She was stating the obvious again. 

“I respect that.  I respect Erwin, and I’m very fond of you.” 

“Don’t tell me that.” 

“What?  That I’m fond of you?”  

“Yes.  Exactly.  Stop it.” 

“So, you don’t want me to apologize, you don’t even let me say ‘thank you’ half the time, and now I’m not even allowed to tell you how much I ca—“

“Because I know!  Ok?!” she snaps.  “Saying it doesn’t make it more true, it just jinxes it.” 

She scrambles to escape the bed but he grabs her arm, holding her tight so that she can’t run away.  

“Ok, fine.  So you know.  You’re always so damn perceptive, _you_ know.  I don’t.  Tell me so that I know what I can do from here.” 

“Just… shut up and kiss me.”  It comes out angrier than she means it to.  But really, did he have to ask so many questions?  

“I’m not Erwin.” 

“I know that!”  she shouts.  “You think I wouldn’t be able to notice the 28cm height difference?” 

“Stop running away from this.  What am I getting involved in here between you two?  I have a right to know, damn it!” 

She stops struggling in his grip.  Relationships are complicated, she remembers.  That was her reason, all those years ago, why she never stayed with one person for too long.  Never let them say they cared.  Never stayed the night.  And then Erwin with his charm and his romanticism and his… persistent survival had come along, and she acquiesced.  She let him in and he helped her heal.  And as soon as his job was done, he broke himself.  But he wouldn’t let her help him back, he still won’t, but she’s still vaguely trying. 

“He gave you to me…” she whispers.  She knew all along, but she never said.  “So that I could have someone to cling to while he went further and further away.” 

“He gave you to me too,” Levi lays a gentle hand on her cheek, resting his forehead on hers.  “So that I could have someone kind watch over me to make sure I didn’t become like him.” 

“Levi I—I don’t want to say it, but you should now know how I feel about you.”  she can feel him laughing at her internally. 

“Now I do, shithead.” 

“But you should also know my feelings for Erwin.”  

“That much I’ve known since the first time I had you two in the same room together.” 

“Then you know how selfish this shithead is.” 

“Yeah.”  he kisses her nose. 

“I want both of you.  Is that possible?  Is that fair?” 

She leans forward, wrapping her arms around Levi’s waist and resting her head in the crook of his neck.  She can’t look him in the eyes right now. 

“I wish you could have known him when we first met years ago.” A nostalgic smile plays on her lips.  “You would’ve hated him.  He was ten times more charming with a naïve smile and… optimism in his eyes.”  

Levi snorts as he brings a hand up to run through her hair.  “Smarmy bastard, I can barely handle him as he is.” 

She laughs into him, her breath tickling his skin.  “Did he charm you into joining us?” 

“Something like that.” 

“He _is_ a rather handsome bastard.” 

“Is it—should you be talking about another man in this situation?”  Not that he’s at all jealous… but he did kiss her not too long ago.  

“Should you be agreeing with me about his charm and charisma?”  He bites his lip.  She makes him do that a lot. 

“Sorry.”  she kisses his neck in apology. 

“I don’t mind.”  he says, his skin tingling where her lips had touched him. 

“Hm?” 

“I don’t mind… that you want us both.” 

“…oh.”  It’s rare that he can render her speechless. 

“So long as you don’t mind that right now I want just you.” 

Be still her beating heart, the little runt could be as charming as Erwin when he wanted to be.  When she feels his fingers on her chin, gently pulling her face upwards for a kiss, she relents.  It’s a soft, almost introductory kiss.  Similar to the one he gave her earlier, but lingering a little longer.  When he pulls away, she smiles and whispers, 

“You’ve just kissed me again.” she repeats because repetition makes for habit and she would love for this to become habit. 

He rolls his eyes.  This is a déjà vu he would rather not have… until she rests both her hands on either side of his face and pulls herself up to him, leaning her body against his.  This he’d be willing to have over and over again until the end of time. 

“Do it again.” 

So he does.

“Again.” 

And he does so.  He kisses her lips, her ears, her neck, until her whispered words become soft moans and delicate cries. 

His fingers trace lightly down her neck, over her collarbones, her shoulders… she shivers lightly as he traces her most recent battle scar—a deep ragged gash from falling off her horse onto a jagged rock on the terrain.  He kisses it, his lips soft on her hardening skin. 

“Mm…” she hums lightly, her blunt nails scraping along his back, making him hiss. 

She pushes him down onto the mattress, and slowly pulls her shirt over her head, tossing it carelessly aside before lying down sideways beside him.  It amuses her that her feet extend below his, and she wiggles her toes on the bottoms of his feet, vaguely wondering if humanity’s strongest feet are ticklish.  They’re not, but they sure as hell don’t appreciate being teased.  He lightly kicks her feet away with his own before pressing his thigh between her legs, and she moans in response, pressing her bare chest into his side. 

He claims her lips, nibbling slightly on her bottom lip as he brings his calloused fingers to the pinking flesh around her nipples. His thumb runs over one, and a giggle bubbles in her throat, and he can feel it on his tongue, skittering down low in his chest.  It sends a shiver down his spine, and he can feel the anticipation rumbling low in his stomach. 

“Turn around,” he whispers. 

Her eyes squint as she smiles wide.  “Why~?” 

“Just do it, you turd.” 

“You’re not going to surprise me by sticking—“

“Oh for fuck’s—never mind.” 

But she wiggles herself around so that her back is to him, hiding her grin from him behind a mess of auburn hair. 

“Ok,” she says softly.  “I’ll trust you.” 

His breath hitches in his throat at her words, and he thinks he must be a sadistic bastard, because he wants to fuck her silly right then.  But he reminds himself there’s no need to rush, and both of them are still worn and convalescent. 

She brings an arm up to cradle his head against her neck behind her, and he traces its length from her fingertips to her elbows, along her toned triceps, tickling over the hairs under her arm—she giggles—ghosting over the skin of her abdomen before it slides into her underwear.  Her thighs pinch together on reflex, but his fingertips feel her wetness.  His hand lingers, resting on her soft pubic hairs, and he kisses the small of her neck. 

“Can I touch you?”  he asks. 

She rolls her hips back into him, sighing, “Yes…” 

His fingers rub against her swollen clit and she gasps and moans, squirming against him.  It shouldn’t surprise him that she would be a vocal person in bed.  She’s usually so boisterous and excitable, of course she would bring the same amount of passion and energy to sex.  And she doesn’t disappoint.  She’s quite sensitive to every touch, and not at all abashed about being loud and expressing her approval to things she likes.  A stuttering moan tells him that she likes it a lot when he plays with her breasts and clit simultaneously.  A husky groan tells him she likes it very much when he curls his fingers inside of her.  Several scratches on his arm tell him that she is very… _very_ fond of biting.  And a sudden grip pulling on his wrist tells him that she’s nearly over the edge. 

“W-wait… hah…” 

“You can come,” he whispers against her ear, licking the lobe teasingly.  “We have plenty of time to do it again…” 

His fingers pull in and out of her more frantically and she writhes in his arms. 

“—and again…”

Her gasps turn into keening cries when his thumb finds her clit, rubbing against it.

“—and again…”

Her body lurches as an early orgasm takes her.  It’s been months since she had even given herself pleasure, and the throes hit her hard.  He keeps his hand pressed against her, moving inside her, keeping her on that high for as long as he can.  

When she finally settles, all loose muscles and satisfied grins, she turns back to him, kissing him gently as a mischievous twinkle enters her eye. 

“My turn.” she breathes, and the lust in her eyes is palpable in his throat. 

She trails light kisses along his strong jaw, down his neck, chest… she pauses to bite at a nipple, making him jump.  He tangles his hand in her hair in warning, but she’s moving on already, trailing kisses down the light line of hair leading from his navel to his— 

“Hnngh…” a choked groan escapes his lips as her tongue finds its way to the tip of his length, swirling around it and tasting the small beads of fluid already leaking out. 

Beneath her roaming hands, she can feel his abs tighten and tense, his breath already hitching, the fingers in her hair tighten and tug.  She can even feel him curling his toes at the foot of the bed.  Oh, he’s very sensitive indeed.  And she’s barely getting started. 

He knows it’s a bad idea, it’s such a bad idea, but he can’t help himself.  Lifting his head, he looks down just as her flushed pink lips suck in the tip of his length.  If just the sight of that wasn't enough to make him come, the way she looked up at him sure as hell was.  His hips involuntarily thrust into her mouth, his heart convulsing in his chest and helpless cries dancing in his throat. 

“Sh-shit…" 

He can feel her smirk—she’s fucking smirking—around his cock, and then her fingers are pressing into his hips, holding them down and steady as she slowly takes him into her mouth as far as she can, until he can feel himself brushing against the back of her throat.  

“Haa… fuuuck…” 

He’s much more vocal than Erwin, Hanji thinks.  She rather likes it, too.  It’s thrilling to think she has this much of an effect on him.  And ever the paragon of scientific inquiry, she must test how much noise she can extract from him.  A low hum in her throat vibrating against him makes him moan long and loud.  He can be quite the tenor with the right persuasion.  She experiments with her tongue, sliding it along it, around it, and his entire body is as rigid as the organ in her mouth; she can see the small beads of sweat dotting his forehead, his mouth hanging open uselessly as he curses and swears, panting shamelessly. 

“Z-Zoe…” he whines. 

Good boy, she thinks.  She could almost never get a reaction like that out of Erwin. 

Moving her mouth up and down rapidly, she lets him reach his peak at last, and he comes with a visceral cry, pulling hard on her hair and pulling her off of him just as he comes.  A small trail of white splashes onto her cheek, though most of it ends up on Levi’s abdomen and the sheets. 

He’s panting hard beneath her, his tired eyes looking at her in a daze.  She licks the corner of her mouth where a small amount of Levi’s—

“That’s filthy, don’t—“

She smiles and slowly curls her tongue inward, carrying in the small amount of white fluid, and his ears turn a bright shade of crimson. 

“Mm…” she hums, laughing when his face turns away from her, grabbing for a tissue. 

“Wipe your stupid face, you shitty—“

“I like it.” 

He practically flings the tissue at her, which doesn’t work all that well given how flimsy tissues are. 

“You have shitty taste.” 

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Levi!” she laughs as she runs the tissue across her face.  She’s about to nuzzle beside him for some post-coital cuddling, but he’s getting up and leaving the bed.  “Where are you going?”

“To clean up, where else?”

“Oh, leave it for a little while!” she whines, but he is unyielding on the subject.

“You can join me in the bath, or you can stay put.  But I am not going to lie around covered in my own—“

“—man juice?”  she offers. 

“To think you were so sexy just a moment ago.”  he scoffs.  

“So you found me sexy then?” 

He decides not to dignify that question with an answer, leaving her a mass of giggles on the sheets before she eventually follows after him.  At least he can claim that much as a small triumph. 

 

* * *

 

In the days after the failed campaign to retake Wall Maria, Erwin had spent much of his time in his office, absentmindedly staring off into space.  He was finding his resilience was fast fading, and for the first time since he had been named commander, he found himself reaching out for comfort.  Hanji’s comfort.  But when he had gone to her room, she wasn’t there.  Nor was she in her lab, nor any of her usual places.  He eventually learned from Mike that she had been spending her time in Levi’s quarters, and that nobody had seen hide nor hair from either of them in days. 

It was a bittersweet feeling, knowing that she had moved on.  He had, of course, arranged for it all to happen this way, but now that it had, he was surprised at how lonely he could feel.  

“I need to talk to you.”  came a stern voice from his doorway, catching even Erwin by surprise. 

“Levi…” 

“You didn’t really think that campaign was going to amount to anything, did you?” 

“Not in the least.”  a solemn expression overtakes his features. 

“So why agree to it?”

“The king commanded it.  There was no one else qualified to lead it, and in return, I secured a hefty amount of funding for us and for future expeditions.”  

“…”  Levi considers him carefully, remembering what Hanji had said to him about keeping Erwin in check.  _Question him, make him rethink his decisions at least a little.  If he goes through with it despite your doubts, there’s usually a good reason or things just can’t be helped.  But never let him turn you into a statistic_.  _He owes you that much_. 

“I’m happy for you.”  Erwin can guess why Levi’s really here. 

“You’re an idiot, aren’t you?" 

“That’s not how you speak to your commanding officer.” 

“It is when I’ve just fucked his girlfriend.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend anymore.  Sometimes I'm not sure she ever was, given her dislike of labeling relationships.” 

“And that’s what makes you an idiot.” 

Erwin laughs almost bitterly, evaluating his new lance corporal.  

“I did well putting you in Hanji’s care.” 

“What about you?” 

Levi walks right up to where Erwin is sitting, laying his strong hand on Erwin’s cheek and forcing him to look straight at him. 

“Levi?” 

“I’m not going to beat around the bush about this like you and Hanji.  You pulled me out of the gutter and brought me here.  You told me about the politics involved, about making me humanity’s strongest.  I know you think you’re using me, but don't’ forget I agreed to it.  I’ll take that title, I’ll accept the rank you gave me.  They give me purpose, Erwin— _you_ gave me that purpose.” 

“Is that a confession, Levi?”  he won’t say it, but it warms his heart to hear how much Levi cares about his emotional well-being.  No doubt, he’s been influenced greatly by Hanji. 

“Take it however you want.  But you should know that I care about what’s going on in your head… and that she still cares about you.” 

“She shouldn’t.”  Erwin can’t help but think that she’s kind, so kind…

“But she does.”

“…I care about her too.” 

“And me?”  Hanji’s rubbed off on him in more ways than one.  She’s made him selfish too. 

Erwin’s not quite sure exactly what agreement Hanji and Levi have come to in their time together, but it stirs up a dangerous feeling inside him he can’t quite explain. 

“…and you,” he answers hesitantly.  

It’s true there were many reasons why he had pulled Levi in the legion.  Many reasons. 

“Then don’t distance yourself from us like an idiot.” 

Levi leans down to kiss Erwin’s forehead gently, surprising even the mighty commander of the scouting legion, the hope of humanity. 

“That’s from the both of us.” 

But when Levi turns to leave, a strong hand grips his wrist and he turns back around to see the man, not the commander.  A breaking man, alone, and desperate for company.

“Stay.”  he pleads.  

It’s the most honest expression Levi has ever seen on Erwin’s face.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized quite soberingly that the essential execution of a third of the populace must have taken place early under Erwin's watch as commander, because who else would be qualified to lead that campaign? And then with the timing of Levi's entrance into the Legion... yeah. Depressing headcanons galore. Here is where his OCD about cleanliness is developed. 
> 
> Am I shamelessly referencing another Levihan fic I wrote a while back? Maybe. The theme for Levihan is "again." 
> 
> I tried really hard to contrast Hanji's first time with Levi from her first time with Erwin. Even though this is eventually going to be OT3, her relationship with Levi is fairly different from her relationship with Erwin, and I wanted to illustrate that difference very plainly. 
> 
> I need to take large chunks of the next chapter to work on Erwin and Levi's relationship away from Hanji since that's been lacking all this time, but I also feel the end of this fic is very near. To be quite honest, this went on for much longer than I originally intended anyway. I had aimed for 5,000 words and I've ended up with triple that already.
> 
> As always, I'm really really grateful for everyone's comments and feedback, and I promise the only reason I don't really respond to them is because my only response is to flail about like an idiot.


	5. Two's Company, and Three's just more fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone is a little shit and Erwin gives up on all of them.

“You smell different.” 

“You really should learn to greet people with something other than how they smell.”  Erwin sighs, rubbing his temple with one hand.  It may not have been his wisest decision to go to Mike for advice, but Mike is also one of the only people whom he can consider a friend.  And he’s not going to go to his immediate subordinate for questions on life and love lest he scar the poor man.  

“There’s a blend of scents here…”  

“How’s it going with Nanaba?”  If Mike isn’t going to indulge his wish for a linear flow of conversation, Erwin will happily return the favor. 

“Everything’s fine.” 

Ooh, that reply was quick.  Defensive, almost.  Erwin raises an eyebrow. 

“That good?” 

“Preferable to your current state of celibacy, sure.” 

“…”  Erwin concedes immediate defeat.  He can never match the torrential onslaught of snark that his officers ooze out of every fiber of their beings.  Curse his inner-wall upbringing. 

“Though I can see you’re rethinking your vows.” 

“I can actually just think these things through on my own if you’re just—“

“Happy to help.  Since you so rarely ask.”  Mike smiles, and it’s only half teasing.

“Have you and Nanaba ever—“ 

“Yes.”  

“I didn’t finish the question.” 

“I don’t recommend it, though.  Yeah, they do take a rather long while to get off completely, but the chafing isn’t worth keeping the belts on in bed.” 

“That—wasn’t… going to be my question.”  Erwin is trying—and failing—to fight off the image of his best friend bare-skinned wearing nothing but his harness. 

“So some other kink then?” 

“For someone who wants to help, you’re making this very difficult.” 

Mike puts up his hands in defeat, even pinching his nose as if this were a perfectly normal gesture of good faith. 

“Ok, Erwin.  What moves the almighty commander of the scouting legion to come to me for lessons in love?”

“…" 

He might have been able to muster the confidence to ask about his feelings.  Maybe.  Though none of them will ever know now since Hanji has made her entrance, carrying an armful of papers and a near-psychotic gleam in her eye. 

“It’s… complete!!” 

Mike wisely moves out of her path before putting out an arm into which she shoves his stack of papers, sending more than a few flying in the air. 

“We’ve just had our test run with the titan-capturing cannons.  They work brilliantly!  The cables are so strong, we can’t cut them with even our blades, and the hooks are strong enough to bring down a tree!” 

“Hanji, you didn’t—“ 

“One tree, Erwin.  One tree for the sake of humanity!”

“Where was this tree?”  Mike can’t help but be curious, considering they were quite close to some of the more aristocratic areas near Wall Sina. 

“In a courtyard of stone.” 

“Hanji!”

“Lord Montgomery made an inappropriate pass at me at that stupid ball you dragged me to.  Anyway, that’s beside the point.  The point is, we have the machines ready to capture our first titan!” 

Erwin’s sigh is filled with only the slightest hint of exasperation.  Having to explain his officer’s using military technology to get schoolboy revenge on a nobleman seems a paltry thing compared to seeing her excitement and her smile.  

“I’ll make arrangements for our next expedition.” 

“Great!”  she punctuates her statement with a slam of her hands on his desk before turning swiftly around to leave.

“Hanji,” his strong voice stops her.  “I’d like to speak with you.” 

There’s a sniff from Mike’s direction before he puts down the armful of notes onto a corner of Erwin’s desk and walks swiftly out the door.  That was most undoubtedly the scent of Erwin reneging on his previous vows of abstinence.  He closes the door behind him, walking off with an amused hum. 

Inside the office, Hanji turns slowly to face him, her manner resembling a child about to be scolded.  Which was fair, she thought.  She did, after all, ruin the front yard of a nobleman who gave rather charitably to the Legion. 

“I know what you’re going to say…” she begins, drawing circles on the ground with the toe of her boot. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Her eyes shot up.  Okay, no.  She didn’t know what he was going to say. 

“For…?”  she’s almost afraid to ask. 

He looks at her, swallowing hard.  Hanji’s expression changes from confusion to something unreadable as she realizes that she is seeing a sliver of the man she used to know in front of her.  Right now, he was addressing her as Zoe, not as his subordinate and strategist. 

“I’ve hurt you a lot in the past couple of years with my decisions.” 

She’s bad at apologies.  And she seemed to be on the receiving end of them a lot lately.  She bites her lip before finding the ground all too interesting again, swallowing a choked reply.  What was she supposed to say?  _Yes, you did, and in compensation, you gave me a great new fuckbuddy?  Thanks for that, by the way; I’m having a great time?_

“I’m—“ 

She walks around his desk, taking his head in her arms and holding him tight to her chest, if only in part to shut him up.  _You great big idiot.  You don’t have to tell me you need me._

His arms eventually snake their way around his waist and the feeling of it chokes her inside though his grip is far from tight. 

_It’s not fair what you do to me, Erwin.  Pick me up, toss me aside, cry in my arms, then push me away.  But then… it’s not fair what you do to yourself when you do that to me.  But as long as I’m alive, I’ll be here for you to fall back on if you need me.  And I do want you to need me._

She can’t say it.  She can’t say any of it.  So she runs her fingers through his hair instead, murmuring softly about mundane things.  Her research, the potential of titan research, the color of her shit the previous night… 

Erwin closes his eyes at the gentle sound of her voice, lulling him into a calm he hasn’t felt in years.  He knows, of course, that this doesn’t fix the things he had ruined.  They can never go back to how they were.  But he thinks, in a small way, that there is hope for them to move forward.  And for now, at least, he is gifted with a small measure of peace. 

 

* * *

 

A few days later, as Erwin is making the preparations for the next expedition, he is interrupted by the sound of rushing footsteps fast approaching before two out-of-breath squad leaders burst into his office.  Mike and Nanaba are standing, panic-stricken in his doorway, and Erwin’s heart sinks to the pit of his stomach. 

_No.  They couldn’t have broken through Wall Rose?!_

“Erwin, come quick!”  Mike gasps. 

“It’s an emergency!” Nanaba pants. 

Erwin stands immediately, opening his mouth to ask for details about the situation, but the two have dashed off again, trusting him to follow.  He rushes after them, barely able to keep pace, they were running so frantically.  He is led from the offices down to the grounds, around to the barracks, towards— _oh god_.  Had something happened to Hanji? 

When they get to her room, Erwin is immediately greeted by the sight of her, lying pale-faced on her bed, a cold cloth on her forehead, with an attentive Levi sitting beside her on the mattress.  Moblit was calmly setting down a basin of cold water with several clean washcloths.  At the sound of Erwin’s hurried entrance, all eyes turned to look at him. 

“Can you not sound like an invading titan when there’s a sick person trying to get some rest?”  Levi’s voice hits him first while Erwin’s mind is still trying to process the scene. 

Confused, slightly disoriented, and questioning how worried he should be—he was initially, of course, _extremely_ worried that the worst had happened (given Mike and Nanaba’s behavior), that humanity would be pushed back yet again with a second titan attack on Wall Rose… and thank goodness it wasn’t that, and there’s definitely relief for that, but—but Hanji is ill and that’s an entirely different concern because in all their years together he had never once seen her get sick to anything.  Not food poisoning, not the sniffles, she didn’t possess a single allergy that anyone knew of, and her standards of hygiene were far below sub-par, and they were only growing worse as she delved further and further into her science.  How could she be sick?

A snigger came from behind him, followed by another, a snort, a chortle, and then Mike and Nanaba devolved into raucous laughter, clutching each other while gasping for air.  

Moblit quickly sucked in his lips, biting them shut from the inside while Levi turned his head, hiding his smirk though there is a small shake of his shoulders. 

Erwin turns narrowed eyes to the two light-haired squadron leaders behind him.  He is almost positive that this was entirely Mike’s idea, though it’s possible Levi had a significant hand to play in it as well.  He doesn’t even care for an explanation, really.  The four of them can scrub the stables spotless tonight; he’ll take that as his consolation prize, and he’s about to issue the command when a small laugh interspersed with coughs reaches his ears.  They all fall courteously still as Hanji slowly opens her eyes, smiling weakly at Erwin in the doorway.  

“They got you good, didn’t they?” 

Her voice is weak and hoarse like wisps in the air you couldn’t hang on to, and Erwin no longer cares whose idea it was.  Moblit stands aside as the commander walks across the room in large, swift strides to Hanji’s bed, taking one of her small hands in both of his and kissing the top of it. 

Quietly, Mike, Nanaba, and Moblit excuse themselves from the room, closing the door gently behind them as they dart off, still smiling fondly and happy to escape before a proper punishment is exacted for their mischievous deeds.  No doubt there would be some baffled young soldiers who had seen their superior officers dashing madly across the courtyard between the barracks and the main offices. 

“We’re not gonna pay for that later, are we?”  Moblit tentatively asks his two superior officers.  

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”  Mike replies nonchalantly. 

This did nothing to ease Moblit’s concerns, though even in his worry about being stuck scrubbing the stables, he’s still mostly concerned about Miss Hanji’s health.  He, like Erwin, had never seen her get sick over anything, and he had seen her handle some rather questionable substances in her lab sometimes.  Or taste things she really shouldn’t have been putting in her mouth to begin with.  He can only imagine how much more stressful his job will become once she has titans to play with.  But thankfully, he’s not the only member in her research squadron anymore.  

“You’re very devoted to her, aren’t you?”  Nanaba’s voice drifts into Moblit’s ear. 

“Oh!  Um… y-yes.  She saved my life.  During our first expedition.”  

Sometimes it was hard for Moblit to remember that he and Nanaba were in the same graduating class.  Compared to the fidgeting bundle of nerves he is, ze always carries zirself much more maturely.  It was no surprise that ze became a squad leader so quickly.  But ze is also remarkably down to earth, Moblit thinks, which is rather to his liking. 

“Well that explains a lot.”  Mike chimes in.  “You don’t seem the type who wants to research titans just to research titans.  I always wondered how Hanji nabbed you.” 

“It’s true, when I first volunteered to be her research assistant, I had no interest in titans.  I simply wanted to repay my debt.  But, it’s impossible to not gain at least a little interest in the subject when you’re with her all the time.  And now I have more than just a passing interest in the work we do.” 

Nanaba giggles.  “You’re so honest, Moblit.”

“Careful, I see a twinkling in your eye.  She’s rubbing off on you.” 

Moblit thinks this an odd remark, for if it’s meant to be an insult, he certainly doesn’t think it so.  But speaking of his starry-eyed squad leader…

“Do you think she’ll be all right?” 

“With those two looking after her, she’ll be fine.”  Nanaba reassures him with a smile. 

“Have faith in your squad leader, Moblit.  Even at a slight disadvantage, she’s still more than enough for the two of them to handle.”  Mike is laughing as he scratches lightly at his moustache with his index finger. 

 

* * *

 

“Hanji, what’s wrong?” 

She lets out a tired sigh before cupping Erwin’s cheek with one hand, her thumb trailing across his chiseled cheekbone. 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.  I’ll be fine after some rest.” 

“—is what she says, but I thought you should know that she probably needs a doctor.”  Levi pipes in, his glare only half as menacing as usual as he brushes a strand of hair out of her face.  

“I do not, Lev—“ she managed before a violent, congested cough racked her lungs. 

“And there’s your proof.”  Levi finishes for her before grabbing her glass of water from her bedside table, holding it out to her in a silent demand for her to drink and damn well drink a lot. 

“I can arrange for Dr. Voigt to come in the morning.  Do you have a fever?” 

“No.” 

“Yes.  As if you would know, you shithead.”  Levi’s idea of affection is rather adorable, Erwin thinks, where adorable came in the form of an angry hedgehog prickling you repeatedly with its quills before nuzzling up to you in apology.  

“Dr. Voigt _will_ see you in the morning.  No—no arguing.”  He lays a gentle hand on the warm skin of her cheek, leaning as close as Levi would allow before whispering, “Shhh… now sleep.  Rest, Zoe.”  

It doesn’t escape Levi’s notice, that subtle, whisper of her given name. 

“Will you two be here when I wake up?”  she asks, even as her eyelids flutter shut. 

“Like titans outside the wall.”  Levi reassures her, and in minutes, her breaths are coming in slow, even intervals beneath the sheets. 

They sit for a few minutes in silence, watching Hanji’s countenance as if daring her to even squint with discomfort.  Erwin breaks the silence first. 

“It was your idea to call me here, wasn’t it?” 

“Shouldn't a commander know when his officers are sick?” 

“Yes.  But you didn’t call me here as a commander.” 

“If you’re expecting me to feel guilty—“

“No.  I’m thanking you.” 

Levi’s fingers ghost over Erwin’s on the bed, and when Erwin turns his palm upwards, Levi takes that as permission to lace their fingers together. 

“Have you ever seen her sick before?”  Levi whispers, his voice catching in his throat. 

“No, never.”  Levi’s level of concern surprises Erwin.  “But she’s strong, and I’m sure it’s not anything serious.” 

“That’s what they said before she died.”  Levi replies quietly, his grip on Erwin’s hand growing tighter. 

Erwin can only guess whom Levi means.  His mother?  A sister?  A friend?  Growing up in the slums of the underground didn’t promise any small modicum of healthcare for its residents.  While Erwin was growing up with personal tutors and a dedicated butler to service his every need, beneath his feet in the underground inside Wall Sina, Levi had been struggling his way through the criminal life, always looking behind his back, with nary a soul he could call family. 

“We have doctors.  She’ll be taken care of.” 

“Ok.”  Levi’s reply is resolute.  “Thanks for coming.” 

“Well I didn’t have much choice in that matter, the way Mike and Nanaba came crashing into my office—“ 

“Their idea, that one.” 

“—but I would have come anyway.”  

Levi leans back against Erwin’s chest, taking immense comfort in the strong muscles supporting him. 

“Good.  I need you here.” 

“I thought you called me here for Hanji.” 

“Well, she’s asleep so now you’re here for me.” 

Erwin chuckles lightly.  “I see.” 

Perhaps it was because Hanji had rubbed off on Levi more than he knew.  Or maybe he had always been this demanding and had just grown comfortable expressing it.  It doesn't really matter.  Erwin kisses the top of the head of black hair.  This gesture prompts Levi to tilt his head back, his eyes glimmering ever so slightly and requesting a proper kiss. 

It’s been ages since Erwin’s even thought about kissing a man.  But Levi’s being so very tempting.  Vaguely he wonders the appropriateness of their behavior since they were still sitting in the bed of an ill partner… but her breathing is even and deep, and Erwin thinks, _Oh, to hell with it_.  

Their lips meet with a hesitant touch.  Levi nudges Erwin’s lips apart so that he can suck and nibble on his lower lip, encouraging Erwin to do the same to his.  Obediently, he does so, while trying to ignore just what that feeling was doing to him in the pit of his gut.  They part gently, lips swollen and breathing a little more heavily.  

“How am I doing so far?”  Erwin whispers, trying to keep his breath even. 

“You’re getting there.” 

“I hope you’re not comparing me to Hanji.  She’s a biter." 

“So am I.” 

“That doesn’t bode well for me.” 

“No, not especially.” 

Turning around so that he’s facing Erwin now, Levi leans in close, his breath tickling Erwin’s neck just before a hungry kiss devastates the skin just above his pulse.  Savage, Erwin thinks.  True to his background.  Even more bestial than Hanji, and she had been a rude awakening for Erwin many years prior.  Well, perhaps not rude so much as wild. 

Something stirs in Erwin.  Something he hasn’t felt since the day he was promoted to squad leader.  Since the day he started slipping away.  His hands move on their own, one grabs a fistful of Levi’s hair, yanking his head back roughly to a gasping hiss.  He gives a moment’s pause, eyeing Levi carefully.  Would he resist? 

Defiant eyes look back at him, Levi’s grip clawing into him where they are.  Do your worst, they seem to say.  I can take it. 

What did Levi know of Erwin’s past?  What did he know of Erwin’s present other than the image of the cold commander?  Can one compare a dog to a snake without any knowledge of what a dog is? 

Erwin leans in and bites down on Levi’s neck.  He can feel the hardness of the muscles under the skin as they contract, his tongue can feel the roughness of the skin that covers them; Levi’s not Zoe.  But that thought is a comfort given who he is now and what he’s become.  Levi will accept Erwin’s present self without knowledge of the past and how far he’s fallen.  He can be a monster here.  He can give in to his most carnal instincts and selfishly take the release he needs. 

“You’re a right bastard,” Levi whispers before a moan escapes him.  Erwin’s free hand has found his ass and is squeezing it with a strength Hanji’s thin fingers can’t quite manage. 

“That’s not how you speak to your commanding officer.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“I think you’d prefer it the other way around.” 

Levi’s response is to grind his hips forward and Erwin groans in appreciation.  It’s a tad suspicious how good he is at that.

“Just how many men have you spread your legs for?” 

“Not just men,” came a croaky whisper behind them, and they turn to see Hanji smirking slightly from under her covers. 

They give her shared guilty expressions, and Levi dismounts Erwin to resume his previous post by her side, laying a gentle hand on her cheek. 

“Sorry we woke you.  How are you feeling?”

“Not better, but thank you both for adding sexual frustration to the list of symptoms.” 

“Well we—“

“You.” Erwin corrects. 

“As much as I would love to join or at least watch…” 

Erwin shifts.  He’s definitely not at all turned on by either of those ideas. 

“…you two should probably move elsewhere. 

“I’m not leaving you.” Levi takes her hand in his for emphasis. 

“That bulge in your pants says otherwise, lance corporal.”  She coughs.  “Just go get Moblit or—“

“No.” 

Erwin lets out a laugh under his breath. 

“Levi.  Are you… jealous of Moblit?” 

“Do you feel like keeping your little commander intact?” Levi snarls. 

“It’s not little, you know.” Hanji laughs, her voice raspy, her throat sore, but she just can’t help but add in information where it’s relevant.  Especially if it puts those fantastic expressions on Levi’s face. 

“Oh, for the love of—“

She takes his hand in hers, holding out her other one for Erwin, which he takes with only the slightest hesitation.  She looks from one to the other, then back again, and her fingers squeeze tight. 

 _Thank you both,_ she wants to say.  For being alive, for sticking around…  In their line of work, staying alive is the greatest favor you can do for your comrades and friends.  But these are all the things she will never say.  Not aloud.  Not now.  Instead, she runs her thumb over their rough, battle-worn knuckles and says,

“What should I name my first titan?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra points to anyone who caught the Tolkien reference.


	6. Ask me Nicely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi is a needy, whiny man-child when there's nobody around to pay attention to him.

“Squad leader!!” 

Moblit swoops in, tackling his superior officer around the middle just as a giant hand sweeps over their heads, a delayed slipstream of air rustling through their hair.  Less than a moment later, Levi’s whirls in, slicing off the arm just above the elbow.  The severed appendage flies off in a spray of steaming titan blood, landing a little ways away with a light thud and hiss of steam.  Hanji’s eyes fly to the smoldering limb, glowing and manic. 

“Wow!  Wah-ha-ha-ow!  That was brilliant!” 

“No, it fucking wasn’t!”  Levi snarls, landing beside her and issuing orders immediately to the soldiers standing around.  “Don’t just stand there pissing your pants, get that arm restrained!” 

Booming pops resound in their ears as cannons launch out several more steel stakes, shrill snaps pierce the air as the cables whip around and pull taut.  Just as a grotesque lump of muscle and bone is reforming where the old arm had been, it’s pinned down, tied down, and soldiers are rushing about to refill the cannons as quickly as they can in case of the worst possible scenario.  It’s the first titan the scouting legion has ever captured.  No one was expecting for things to go completely smoothly; but no one was also expecting for Hanji to be as reckless as she has been. 

“I told you it was reckless to leave an arm free!” 

“But how was I supposed to shake its hand?”  she pouts as she adjusts her gear; it had gotten a little jostled from when Moblit tackled her to the ground. 

“You don’t shake hands with a fucking titan; that’s how!” 

“Okay, so conversation first, then.”  She pats his shoulder nonchalantly as she walks past him, standing dangerously close to the giant’s pearly whites. 

“Squad—“  Moblit begins but Levi cuts him off.

“You’re standing too close, shithead.” 

“Oh for goodness’ sake!  I won’t be able to get any research done with the two of you hovering over me!  Levi, go clean something!” 

His eyes give a quick glance to Moblit, standing there with his nervous grimace and looking like he’s about to eat dirt if someone doesn’t fetch him some smelling salts.  

“What about—“

“Moblit’s my assistant, he stays, of course!”  

“What?!”  The short undercut of his hair is bristling.  

“Moblit’s a worrywart, but Levi, you’re overbearing.  I will literally get nothing done if you’re here.”

“That’s bullshi—“ 

“And I outrank you, soldier.” 

“…”  he narrows his eyes at her while she places her hands smugly on her hips. 

“Or do you want to set a shining example of disobedience here in front of these squadrons?" 

With all the maturity of a pre-pubescent child, Levi stomps off, shooting one final menacing glare in the direction of Moblit before storming his way through the quarters towards his office.  She could get eaten by her stupid titan for all he cared, and if he were especially lucky, Moblit would get eaten too. 

If Erwin weren’t busy with bureaucratic drivel, Levi would have gone to him next to complain, but as it were, their esteemed commander is quite busy, in fact, as capturing a titan is an unprecedented event.  The funding for the latest expedition had trickled in reluctantly, thanks in no small part to a lot of boot-licking and manipulative wiles from Erwin, Mike, _and_ Hanji, who had gussied themselves up and attended every social function inside Wall Sina they could stomach.  Eventually, they managed to wrestle together the funds they needed as condescending aristocrats donated more out of pity than support—no one truly believed capturing a titan could be possible.  But they had all been wrong for underestimating them.  When the Legion returned, carting a captured 7m class through the city of Trost, the public response was overwhelmingly positive.  For the first time in their entire history, they were greeted near unanimously as heroes; as representatives of a hopeful future for humanity.  And now Erwin is ready to squeeze every possible cent he can out of those that previously doubted them. 

Unfortunately, this left Levi with very little to do.  While Hanji would be busy for days with her new pet, and Erwin would be trapped inside of his office or otherwise attending useless meetings with the brass, Levi would be… cleaning. 

Well that’s all right, too, Levi thinks.  The entirety of headquarters is filthy. 

On the first day, Hanji attempts communication for several hours with her new titan.  She comes close to injury or death forty-seven times, by Moblit’s report.  When she fails to communicate, she holds a naming ceremony out of boredom.  Tantalus, she names him.  Several soldiers lose their dinner when she explains the origin of the name as the story of a man who cut up his son, boiled him, then served him as a banquet to the gods.  She’s fond of embellishing the minute details. 

In his office, Erwin writes several letters to be sent out to news publications inside all of the major cities inside Wall Sina, detailing the successful capture, retention, and study of a 7m class titan.  He is careful to mention the tremendous progress the scouting legion has made in just the past year since the fall of Wall Maria.  He does not fail to leave out the necessity and the potential of the scouting legion to retake the land that humanity has lost, and the ever-advancing progress of a successful supply line back to the breach in Shiganshina.  He is just as careful in failing to mention that casualties remain high on every expedition, as do the financial costs. 

Levi, meanwhile, scrubs clean the mess hall, the kitchens, and his office to within an inch of his sanity. 

On the second day, after a first night of sleeping for a generous two hours, Hanji is testing the physiology of her captured titan.  She’s having a blast cutting him up, dissecting him, poking, prodding, stabbing, slicing, maiming—the soldiers learn that squad leader Hanji is more terrifying than any titan when in the right mood.  She’s screaming in agony for every injury she deals to Tantalus, claiming sympathy while everyone around her calls it lunacy. 

Erwin writes letters of appreciation to every aristocratic donor, thanking them for the support they’ve given and for the support they will no doubt continue to give.  After all, the public no doubt well understands that the bravery of the scouting legion is only given opportunity by the generous noblemen inside Wall Sina, who wisely understand the importance of the scouting legion to humanity’s future.  Granting them funding honors the sacrifices already made for the sake of progress while ensuring that future progress can continue to be made. 

The stables are spotless, the soldiers’ uniforms are pristine white, and Levi’s fingers smell of bleach and horse shit simultaneously, and it’s driving him up the fucking wall.  

On the third day, Hanji is testing Tantalus’ activity levels based on hours of sunlight and/or darkness.  Tents are set up around him and lanterns are brought so that she can sit with him in the dark and see how long it takes for him to pass out, if he passes out.  If he doesn’t, he’s an abnormal, and that would make her happier than she can say.  Moblit sits just outside the tent curtains, ears listening intently for any sound of danger or risk.  He’s not allowed in; Hanji fears Tantalus is shy and would be made nervous by Moblit’s general agitation. 

Erwin leaves Mike in general command since Hanji is otherwise preoccupied, and rides out to meet with the high commander at Stohess.  He has reports to file, petitions to submit… possibly families to visit.  He’ll be gone for a few days at the very least, and he leaves behind an already sulking Levi, who would still rather be stuck at base than have to bow and curtsy to the pompadours in the innermost wall. 

So after Erwin rides out, Levi cleans out his office, then Erwin’s office, then makes a vague attempt at Hanji’s office where “a vague attempt” involved opening the door to it, being repulsed by the smell of it, then taking five showers to ensure the stench hadn’t contaminated him somehow. 

On the fourth day, Hanji is locked up in her laboratory, mixing up various chemicals no human should ever have to handle.  Having failed to extract any workable tissue from Tantalus—it all burned up near immediately after being separated from its body—she thinks she must bring the laboratory to him instead. 

It’s her first time inside in four days, and Levi is hopeful to catch her at least once off guard so that he could shove her grimy face under some running water before stealing a kiss.  Unfortunately, she’s glued to her workstation and Moblit is subsequently glued to her.  He thinks to bring her some dinner, maybe convince her to take a small break; he would even stomach listening to her ramble about her research progress.  But when he finds Moblit leaving the kitchens with a tray of dinner, coffee, and even a small platter of fucking cookies just as Levi’s entering, he’s instead stuck holding open the door for Moblit to bounce on his merry way back to _his_ Hanji.  If he had been able to process that a bit faster, Levi might have tripped him—accidentally, of course—before sneaking out a tray with even more cookies to bring to Hanji, because the accident was his fault, and he should take responsibility.  As it is, he finds the mead in one of the supply cupboards and drowns himself in it while lying in Hanji’s bed and reading her collection of favorite books.  He’s not a fast reader, but the alcohol isn’t exactly helping him. 

On the fifth day, Levi wakes up in the late afternoon with titans rampaging through the inside of his head.  He has a book semi-plastered to his face and an unmistakable trail of dried saliva running out of his mouth.  If only the cure for a hangover were additional swigs of alcohol, but alas, even the mead is gone, fled from responsibility.  

“…fuck.”  

Erwin isn’t quite yet due to return, and Levi is not about to spend another day cleaning everyone else’s shit before spending another night alone.  Titans be damned, humanity’s future be damned, he is going to get a certain pair of grimy glasses in his bed tonight. 

He waits outside of Hanji’s lab, a hawk circling its dirt-covered rodent prey.  When Moblit returns with Hanji’s dinner, Levi moves to stand in front of the door. 

“Good evening, corporal.”  It’s not hard to guess why Levi’s standing in front of him, but Moblit is not pushover, despite popular opinion.  

“Take a break, Moblit.  I’ll take that in to her.” 

“That’s very kind of you, corporal, but I’m feeling fine.”

“That wasn’t a suggestion, that was an order.”  Levi got a silent glee out of pulling rank.  He couldn’t do it to Hanji or Erwin, but he could sure as hell do it to Moblit.  

“…yes.”

“Yes, what?” 

“Yes… sir.”  Reluctantly, he hands over the tray, turning on his heel to leave while Levi starts to open the door with an all-too-smug expression on his face. 

He sees her slumped over her desk, a tuft of unwashed hair poking out from the top of piles of papers, books, bottles and flasks… the air is muggy and stifling, several different burners were set brewing about, candles flickering in assorted locations across the lab.  Under the sound of bubbling liquids and gently flickering flames, he can hear her pen rapidly scratching across the surface of parchment, her voice murmuring low and whispering ideas to herself.  He brings the tray over and sets it right on top of the paper on which she’s currently scribbling. 

“Hey!  Mob—oh!  Hey, Levi.” 

“Don’t ‘hey Levi’ me, I haven’t seen you in days.” 

“Well I’ve been busy with Tantalus.” 

“With—what?” 

“Tantalus.” 

“…you named it.” 

“Well, to be quite frank, ‘Seven meter class titan’ was getting to be a mouthful.  Also, you’re supposed to name your babies.” 

“It’s _not_ your baby.  If it is anything, it is sure as hell _not_ your baby.” 

“Don’t be such a spoilsport, you can think of him as your baby too.” 

“The word I was emphasizing was ‘ _not_ ,’ not ‘ _your_.’” 

Hanji takes the bread loaf from her tray, tearing into it with her teeth. 

“Whurr dib Mob’m go?” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you disgusting—“  is what he says, but damn it, she’s somehow still pretty cute with her cheeks stuffed full and moist crumbs flying out of her mouth.  “—I gave him a break.  You’ve been overworking yourself and your entire squadron for days.  Tonight, you’re giving your research a rest.” 

She takes a hard swallow, immediately following it with several large swigs of water to help it go down.  “You can’t order me around, Levi.  It’s also _barely_ within your jurisdiction to order around _my_ men.  There’s important work that needs doing here, or have you forgotten our mission?” 

Levi leans in close, as close as he could stomach given the lovely aroma of five days of unwashed filth caked onto her body. 

“Have you forgotten that human beings need sleep?  Hell, even titans seem to need sleep.  I know it seems beyond your comprehension that people own things like mirrors, but if you took a good look at yourself—“

“I look fine!  And more importantly, I feel fine.” 

“Your eyes look bloodshot, there are massive bags under them, you look like you’ve lost weight even.  You might think you feel fine, but that’s your crazy brain going into overdrive; your body needs a fucking rest.” 

“Are you sure you aren’t just bored because I’m busy and Erwin’s gone?” 

She stuffs the rest of her roll into her mouth while Levi glowers, crossing his arms like a petulant child.  After inhaling the bread and taking a sip of her coffee, she assuages,

“You could just say you missed me.” 

“Fine.  I fucking missed waking up to you lying in my bed with your filthy glasses on my bedside table and snoring up a storm.”

Hanji laughs, a sound Levi hasn’t heard in days, and as much as he tries to hold onto his irritation, he finds he just can’t. 

“You’re such a whiny man-child.”  He’s about to take her soup and pour it straight over her head but she leans back in her chair with a smirk that usually means good things for him.  “I guess I _could_ use a bath.”  

“Shower first.  Don’t soak in a tub of your own filth.” 

“Okay, shower first.  Then a nice, loooong, hot soak…” she undoes her ponytail, her auburn hair cascading down her neck and tumbling in messy, crinkled waves. 

Levi swallows hard.  He can’t wait to get that bird’s nest of a head clean so that he can run his hands through that hair and not get sludge between his fingers. 

“Nanaba has these scented oils—probably how ze attracted Mike in the first place—maybe I could borrow some of those…”  she undoes the belt across her chest lazily, looking vaguely upwards toward the ceiling, and Levi bites his lip.  

“I bet I could ask Moblit for a massage once I’m all clean~” she adds with a bare-toothed grin, running her tongue sharply over her upper canines, and she can swear she saw a vein in Levi’s temple twitch. 

Before she can continue, the world turns upside down as she’s hoisted over Levi’s shoulder and carried away, her laughter ringing down the halls. 

 

* * *

 

“Mmm… that _does_ feel nice…” 

After a rigorous and thorough shower, in which Levi scrubbed her skin raw and raked his fingers through her scalp repeatedly with copious amounts of shampoo— _You’re so damn filthy the soap isn’t even foaming!—_ she is finally lounging in a tub of steaming hot water with a slightly happier Levi combing through her hair outside of the tub. 

“I shampooed this shit four times, how is it still so tangled?”  He snarls at the knotted mess, but his hands are still gentle, and he’s still in a better mood than an hour before no matter what he says. 

“Maybe it’s tangling because you scrubbed out all of my natural oils.” 

“Trust me, those oils were _not_ natural.”  

She shifts in the tub, and the water sloshes and splashes about as she crosses her legs, the wet skin of her bare thighs gleaming in the soft light.

“Personally, I think cleaning so much that you scrub off surface layers is pretty unnatural in itself.  Nature goes about her business just fine without smelling like bleach.”  

“How much do you include titans in your definition of ‘nature?’  I wouldn’t exactly call those monsters natural either.”  he pulls the comb through a knot just a tad more harshly than the others. 

“Nor would I.”  The comb pauses.  “Everything about them is unnatural, don’t you think?” 

He kisses her shoulder.  He doesn’t like it when she gets too serious.  He’d rather have her ranting and raving about Tatum-moose, drooling over his sparkling eyes and whatever else.

“Everything about _you_ is unnatural, that’s for sure.” 

“Are you trying to be charming?”  she leans her shoulder into his lips, tilting her head back and looking up at him with a tired smile.  The weariness is sinking into her bones.  When she’s given too much time to reflect upon her work without pressing excitement, when she’s all alone, her team gone, and she’s left with only her notes and books in the dark, terror tries to creep in.  Fear tries to pervade her thoughts and remind her of her smallness compared to the monsters that plague them. 

“I’m always charming, shithead.” 

She giggles, parting her lips and closing her eyes.  Levi’s lips meet hers upside-down.  It’s a gentle kiss in which he tries to coax out her burdens and weariness, replace them with the knowledge that she is precious to him. 

“You should join me in the bath.” she whispers when their lips part. 

“You look exhausted.  How about we just get you washed up and into bed?” 

“You come to me whining that I haven’t paid attention to you in almost a week; now you have me naked and wet—in more ways than one—in the tub, and you’re telling me you don’t honestly want to fuck?” 

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to.  But let’s reiterate… I’ve been ignored for almost a week.  I don’t think you could handle what I want to do to you right now.”

Her eyes flash at the challenge.

“So I’d rather wait until you’re well rested and can take me on properly… Zoe.”  he practically purrs her name, and she replies with a breathy sigh. 

“Fine.”  She sits up slightly in the tub and turns her head forward again.  “Then you could at least treat me to a massage since you won’t let Moblit give me one.” 

“His hands are going nowhere near your body, whether naked or clothed.”  Levi growls as his rough fingers begin kneading at the muscles—correction, rocks—under Hanji’s skin. 

“Usually when mmph… Moblit touches me, he’s saving my life.”  she squirms, it’s not the most comfortable massage, but her body is as hard as bricks, and the only way to rebuild brick is to break it down first. 

“Yeah well, at least he’s useful for something then.” 

His hands stop and Hanji gives a small whine of protest. 

“…what do you mean, ‘usually?’” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know~” 

Her smirk is short-lived as Levi grabs her by the top of her hair, dunking her under the water for a nice soak. 

“You shitty—“

“Joke!”  she sputters, spraying water everywhere not in the tub. 

“And what part of that is supposed to be funny?” 

“I don’t know, your face?”  she splashes him with the tub water to punctuate her last word. 

Scowling at the water now dripping into his eyes from his drenched hair, he lunges for her bare sides, tickling them furiously. 

“So you think my face is funny, do you, let’s—let’s have a good look at yours then!” 

“Ahahah!  Hah!  No, Lev—stop!  Hahahaha!!"

She’s thrashing about, hands on his wrist in vain to try and stop his onslaught.  The sounds of their skirmish echo off the tiled walls, and soon, Levi’s drenched from head to toe, still fully clothed.  The bath is more than half empty, as its contents have spilled out onto the bathroom floor.  Levi pulls at his sopping cravat, and Hanji laughs at him, knees drawn up to her chest in the tub. 

“I said you should have joined me.  Especially since you were going to get wet anyway.” 

His response is to throw a towel at her head,

“Just dry yourself off, crazy woman.” 

The cravat is peeled off with an unhappy grunt and wrung out before he grabs a second towel and runs it over his head. 

“I’ll grab you a change of clothes, so wait here.” 

Grumbling, he stomps down the hall to his room first, removing the distastefully wet clothes and changing into a pair of light cotton pants and a loosely fitting shirt.  Then he laid out his clothes to dry near his hamper—even if they were going to be washed anyway, he wasn’t content to just let them get wrinkled while wet—before heading to Hanji’s room. 

He’s only just opened a drawer to dig for something to throw on her when the door to the room opens behind him and there she stands, unabashedly naked save for a towel on her head and notably _not_ on her body. 

“You were taking too long,” she remarks casually as he runs past her to slam shut the door. 

“Did you—“

“Walk back to my room?  Obviously, I have legs.” 

“You can’t just strut down the halls of these barracks naked!” 

“Why not?  I think that soldiers are all aware of what a naked body looks like, given the titans we fight.”

Levi doesn’t have nearly enough palms or forehead space to facepalm as much as he wants to. 

“Then again, I’ve noted that most titans don’t have nipples.  How fascinating would it be if they actually had visible genitalia?!” 

Her eyes light up and Levi is trying with all of his might to fight the image of house-sized titan junk waving about in the wind as his soldiers die screaming. 

“I want to assume that they wouldn’t stand erect all the time, because that would be so averse to the human physiology we know about, but it’s not impossible—“

“—shut up.” 

“I’m pretty sure an erect titan penis would still be taller than y—“

He tackles her into the bed, hand clamped over her mouth, ears burning. 

“Seriously, shut the hell up!” 

Her breath tickles his palm as she laughs, the muffled sound ringing in his blood-filled ears.  He rests his forehead against the back of the hand covering her mouth, sighing into her neck. 

“Did anyone see you?” 

“Hmm?”  he lifts his hand so she can speak. 

“Did anyone see you walk from the bath to your room?” 

“I don't think so.” 

“…good.”

“You know a lot of people have seen me naked, Levi.  Especially among the female soldiers.”

“I know—“

“Of course, most of them are dead now.” 

He settles in to lie beside her, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck and vaguely cursing that he isn’t tall enough for their positions to be comfortably reversed.  Wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her still-naked body close to his, he sighs,

“You know, you’re a real mood killer sometimes.” 

Her lips brush against the coarse hair on the top of his head as his fingers tickle the edge of a scar on her side. 

“I could tell you about Tantalus.”

“Go the fuck to sleep.” 

 

* * *

 

Just as the sun is rising up past the roofs of the barracks in the early morning, three riders return to the headquarters of the scouting legion, their horses weary from the long journey, champing at their bits.  Erwin dismounts, passing the reins of his horse to Henning.  His back is aching from the days of riding to the inner wall and back, his thighs chafed from the saddle, his ass sore from metaphorically bending over for the brass.  But the news of their first captured titan was well received and ample funding had been secured for the next few expeditions.  

Across the courtyard, Erwin sees Mike approaching with a casual wave. 

“I see that headquarters is still intact.” 

“Just barely.  Though not for Hanji’s lack of trying.” 

“How’s her research going?” 

“It’s funny you should ask that.” 

“Oh no.” 

Mike leads Erwin through the courtyard, past the administrative offices, around the mess hall to an open area where a couple of squadrons are gathered about, fidgeting nervously while two commanding officers bicker at each other loudly. 

“—overreacting, as usual—“

“You can include your entire fucking squad as overreacting then since they were all screaming at you to back the fuck off—“

“Don’t try to share blame here, they didn’t kill my research specimen!”

“Blame?  For saving your ass?’ 

“I see my officers are as lively as ever!”  The two manage to catch a breath as they hear Erwin’s voice drown out their own, and Hanji runs over, still pouting. 

“Erwin, you need to keep Levi away from my titans, because this 3D-Gear-happy midget is going to kill them all before I can—“

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to kill them if you stood to be a little more careful in how you go about your stupid—“

“Don’t you dare call my research, stupid you puny—“

“Shitty—“ 

“Enough!  Both of you!”  Waving to the soldiers who were still standing about unsure of what to do, he dismissed them.  There was absolutely no need for them to witness their commanding officers squabbling like children. 

“So how was your trip then?” Levi mumbles out first after the other soldiers clear out. 

“Better than previous ones, but never pleasant.  Oh, Hanji.  I met a woman from the Wall Garrison, Rico Brzenska.  She sends her regards.” 

“Oh!  Rico!” 

“Who?”  Levi hates not knowing things.  Especially when the other two do. 

“She was in my training squadron.  We had a thing going for a while, but then she joined the Wall Garrison, and I joined the Scouting Legion.  I’m guessing she’s worked her way up the ranks?” 

“Squad Leader of the 1st Division Elite Force of the Garrison.” 

“That’s just like her.”  she smiles fondly, and Levi interrupts.

“Wait, you had a _thing_?” 

Mike is sniggering, and Levi elbows him in the side.

“She was super hot.  And smart.  And strong.”  Hanji bites down on her lip as she wistfully remembers Rico’s… assets, and Levi and Erwin share a mutual look that Mike read as retroactive jealousy with a hint of disappointment that they didn’t witness it firsthand. 

“Hanji, woman of science,” Mike chuckles.  “Observe the impact of your words.” 

Her eyes dart to both Erwin’s crotch and Levi’s before smirking at Mike. 

“Not worth taking notes on, I’d say.” 

And just as she and Mike start guffawing, Levi grabs her by the wrist and starts dragging her away in the direction of the barracks, grumbling,

“I’ll give you something to take fucking notes on…” 

Erwin stands with Mike, who’s giving him inappropriate eyebrow action, and is about to excuse himself before Levi’s voice calls back,

“Erwin, are you fucking coming or not!?” 

“Yes Erwin, are you fucking going to come?”  Mike is never afraid to seize an opportunity to make innuendos. 

But between his exhaustion and quickly growing indifference to social decorum, Erwin can finally return the serves thrown his way. 

“All over the both of them.”  He sighs in resignation before following after them. 

Mike laughs aloud as he watches Erwin go. 

“Touché, _Commander_.” 

 

* * *

  

Erwin wasn’t too far behind them, but by the time he’s reached the door of Hanji’s bedroom, the two of them have already cluttered the floor with their 3D gear, boots, jackets (though Levi’s is hanging neatly on her chair), and there’s a small trail of leather belts leading up to the bed, where Levi is busying himself between Hanji’s legs undoing the straps on her thighs.  Quietly, he closes the door behind him, making eye contact with Hanji as she bites her lip and groans at Levi’s forceful tugging.

She loves the moment when the belts squeeze tighter against her body as he works to undo them, and she makes a mental note that it would be worth it to try leaving them on at some point.  Mike’s already advised her against it, but it wouldn’t have to be the whole harness, just… Levi’s hands are now tugging at the waistband of her pants, having loosened the belts while she was distracted.  She grabs his wrists, nodding in Erwin’s direction.  Levi turns to see Erwin, standing smugly in the doorway, arms crossed. 

“Are you gonna join us, or just stand there and watch like a perverted old man?” 

Thin fingers coil around Levi’s chin, turning him gently back around to face her, and she presses her chest against him, guiding his lips to her neck, whispering,

“Let him watch.  We’ll give him a dirty show while he takes off his belts.” 

Levi’s teeth nibble and bite around the flesh of her neck as his fingers pop open the buttons of her shirt, lifting up her bra lazily to brush against a nipple.  Her breath hitches in her throat and her eyelashes flutter, but she’s determined to not break gaze with Erwin. 

Slowly, Erwin removes his bolo, setting it down on Hanji’s desk as she feels Levi bite down on her bare shoulder as he pushes her shirt past them, guiding the fabric of the sleeves down her arm, his grip trailing and gentle.  Erwin unbuckles the belt around his chest as Levi’s lips find a nipple, and she lets out a light gasp.  The buckle around his waist is undone, leather slowly pulled through the belt loops and loosening the entire harness around his body as Levi’s hand snakes its way up her back, urging the bra upwards and over her head.  Her hands pull at his cravat, tugging it off in a flourish as Erwin unclips the fasteners that support his thigh belts.  Hanji groans as Erwin bends over to undo the belts around his thighs, and her hands fly to the belts on Levi’s thighs to remove them simultaneously. 

With each buckle Hanji and Erwin loosen, Levi kisses a different part of her exposed body. 

Left thigh buckle number one, right nipple, “Ahnn…”

Left thigh buckle number two, the edge of her collarbone, “Mm…”

Right thigh buckle number one, a teasing nibble on her right ear, “Ahh…”

Right thigh buckle number two, a hand grabs her left breast roughly and teeth scrape against her pulse, “Ah!” 

And with the blasted buckles out of the way, she haphazardly pulls open Levi’s shirt as Erwin unbuttons his and rolls up his sleeves, kicking off his boots as he finally makes his way over to the bed.  The commander is breathing heavily as he stands over his officers, lips slightly parted, his eyes never leaving Hanji’s.

“How much did that turn you on?”  she breathes. 

“Much more than I anticipated.” 

“Good.”  Levi growls as he finishes tugging off her pants from earlier, ripping them off of her ankles before tossing them aside almost angrily—how dare they get in his way? 

Pushing open her legs, his tongue presses immediately and insistently on her clit, his fingers gently pushing open the rosy folds of her flesh, eliciting a stuttering, gasping moan from her lips.  One of her hands twist the sheets in a fevered grip as the other darts out to pull on the waistband of Erwin’s pants, bringing that delectable body closer.  Tugging them down just enough to expose Erwin’s cock—and oh, it’s been a while since she’s seen that magnificent sight—she wraps her thin fingers around the base and runs her tongue along the length of it, making Erwin’s hips jolt involuntarily and a gasp escape his lips. 

Erwin’s had Hanji’s go down on him before, but never while she had another man between her legs.  The added moaning and gasping, squirming and yelping only add to the experience, really.  And it’s been so long since he’s had her, had anyone; even though it hasn’t been long, he feels about ready to burst. 

“H-Hanji.  I’m—please, slow down.”  he runs his fingers through her hair, letting her ponytail loose and pulling her away from him. 

“At your limit already, Erwin?”  Levi smirks as he slides a finger into Hanji’s warmth, forcing a long, shameless cry from her lungs. 

Erwin is about to reply when Hanji suddenly grabs Levi’s wrist and pulls his fingers out of her.  Snatching his cravat from where she had tossed it earlier, she wraps it around Levi’s neck, pulling him up off the floor, and guides him to lie down on the bed.  

Lying languidly beside him on her side, Hanji flips her hair over her shoulder before propositioning,

“Erwin, have you ever wanted to take a man’s hot cock in your mouth, make him squirm and writhe, and drink him dry?” 

Levi practically whines at Hanji’s suggestion, and he claims her lips in a heated kiss before he breathes onto her lips,

“You’re an absolutely filthy woman.” 

She moves one hand to teasingly pinch and pull at a nipple before turning her lust-filled eyes to Erwin once again. 

“Suck Levi’s cock, Erwin.  You can’t ask a man to die for you and not get him off at least once.” 

“By that logic, I’d have to service every soldier in the entire scouting legion,” he grins, but his hands do not hesitate in pulling off Levi’s pants and wrapping one firm hand around the already dripping length.  “But I’ll bite.” 

“Like… hell you will…” Levi hisses between gritted teeth, his head thrown back and taking heavy breaths laced with his keening, raspy voice. 

Calling upon every happy memory of Hanji’s exquisite oral performances, Erwin takes one long, steady lick up the shaft, tasting the beads of pre-cum when he reaches the tip.  Levi shudders under his touch, and Hanji leans in to croon in his ear.

“Mm… how does that feel?”  her hand floats over his chest, allowing for minimal contact. 

“It’s hardly fair to make him compare my work to yours, when this is my firs—“

“Back to work!” she barks suddenly at him, then brightens the command by letting the corners of her lips dance upward.  She was getting used to being an officer, after all. 

Obediently, Erwin takes Levi into his mouth, improvising as he goes what to do with his lips, his tongue… even if he’s not great at giving a blowjob, how bad could it be to have someone’s mouth on your junk?  Levi’s breathing is heavy, and Erwin can feel his ass clenching, if he can trust the signs Levi’s giving him.  Hanji is running her fingers through his hair, petting him softly a few times before she suddenly grips a fistful and pulls his head up.  Levi’s cock jerks inside Erwin’s mouth, and he looks up to see that Levi has grown very submissive indeed. 

“Erwin, did you know?”  Hanji rasps, roughly jerking Levi’s head once.  “Levi’s a pretty big nymphomaniac.  He just can’t get enough.” 

Her other hand rakes her nails across his chest, and his hips thrust forward helplessly into Erwin’s mouth, gagging him.  Coughing lightly, Erwin pulls away just a small spray of cum spurts from Levi’s length.  It was fast and sudden, and even somewhat incomplete.  His body relaxes only slightly into Hanji’s arms as she moves to gently cradle him. 

“Well that was faster than I expected,” Erwin admits.  

“Trust me, he can go for more.”  Hanji purrs before licking Levi’s earlobe.  “Go to my dresser, there’s a bottle of lubricant in there.” 

It’s a rare thing that Erwin ever follows someone else’s lead, but he’s happy to obey Hanji since he’s not quite sure what to do.  Bringing the small bottle back to the bed, he watches as she makes Levi get up off his back and turn onto his hands and knees.  Then sitting herself in front of him and spreading her legs, she runs a coaxing hand through his hair, urging him to put his mouth on her.  And so he does, and she throws her head back and cries, and she looks beautiful, so beautiful.  Erwin is captivated by her flushed cheeks, her swollen lips calling out Levi’s name, and when her long lashes flutter open and she turns her smoldering gaze toward him, he gulps. 

“Now… nnngh… pour some lube onto your—ah! Your fingers…” 

They hadn’t always needed lubrication back when it was just the two of them, Erwin remembers.  Usually, she could get quite wet enough on her own.  But for true, Erwin supposes that Levi’s ass is quite incapable of accomplishing quite the same thing. 

“You should… ahh… know what to do from—from there.  Right, Erwin?”  She takes her middle finger into her mouth, biting down on it before closing her lips around it and sucking wantonly. 

“You’re quite the teacher,” Erwin breathes as he positions himself behind Levi, spreading open those delicious cheeks and inserting one long finger. 

He can hear Levi’s muffled moans against Hanji’s skin, and experimentally he twists his finger around inside, slowly pulling it in and out.  Levi’s tight, much tighter than Hanji, but that only meant Erwin required just a little bit more patience than usual. 

Levi’s breath is hot against her, and Hanji tilts her hips upward. 

“Come now, don’t get too distracted…”  she hums. 

He gives her a mild glare before pushing two fingers into her, making her mewl and wriggle against him, her head lolling leisurely against her shoulder.  When she can feel that Levi’s established something of a rhythm, she brings her hand up to her lips, making a ‘V’ with her index and middle finger and sliding her tongue between them for Erwin to see.  Following her lead, Erwin slides in a second finger into Levi, making him scream slightly.  Erwin and Hanji share a sly smile before Erwin remarks,

“You’re even louder than Hanji.” 

“Shut—Ah!  Hah…" 

“He is though, isn’t he?”  Hanji murmurs low in her throat. 

In retaliation, Levi curls the fingers he has inside of her, and she yelps, her back arching as she spread her legs ever wider for him.    

“But your cries remain the sweetest.”  Erwin smiles, genuinely smiles at the sight of his Hanji writhing in pleasure, he adores the smile that plays on her lips, the little rattles that flutter through her chest. 

“Damn… straight…”  Levi groans out before locking his lips onto her swollen clitoris, and toying with her flushed trigger expertly with his tongue. 

“Ah—hah!  Ahhhh!!”  Hanji thrashes about, bringing her hands up to knead at her breasts, before choking out, “E-Erwin…” 

Briefly, Levi wonders how she can be screaming out Erwin’s name when it’s his mouth on her, but when he feels a third finger snaking into him from behind, he understands instantly. 

“Hngh!  Fffuuuuck…” 

Erwin leans forward, placing a tender kiss on the nape of Levi’s neck.

“Is that a request, corporal?”   

“Hah… Nngh…”  came the stifled reply.  Hanji gives them both a wicked grin.

“I think that’s a yes.” 

“Haah… ahh…” Levi whined low in his throat when he feels Erwin’s fingers leave him, his hips swaying slightly.  The whines are replaced by a small whimper when he feels the tip of Erwin’s length at his entrance, pushed in every so slightly. 

Erwin looks to Hanji, breathing heavily, waiting for her to give the call.  She grabs Levi’s hair suddenly: it’s the cue.  He begins to push in just as Hanji forces Levi’s mouth onto her lips, swallowing his cry and tasting herself on his tongue. 

Levi’s entire body is on fire, his lungs full of the delicious smoke of their lust, and he can’t keep it inside, he has to scream, he has to shout.  Erwin is pleasantly well endowed, and as much as he enjoys it when Hanji fucks him with her toys, nothing can quite beat being rammed by an actual cock.  For starters, they’re naturally warm. 

“Ha-ahn… ah.. f-fffuu—“  the sounds slip out of him uncontrollably as if his voice is not his own, he has no control over his actions in this moment; there are only the physical sensations, and he is just a wanton pervert begging for more.  

Hanji is drinking in every little note that escapes Levi’s lips, holding his face up to hers.  Hoping to coax more, she pushes at him, making him arch his back and bringing his torso more vertically off the bed.  Her lips lay claim to a nipple, and he jumps, his breath hitching in his throat as Erwin pounds in and out relentlessly. 

“Ah—ahn.. ah!  Ah-sh-shittt… I’m—gonna… ffuuck…” 

Hanji’s hand reaches down, gripping the base of Levi’s dripping length and squeezing tight, causing a stuttering, feral groan to echo throughout the room. 

“Beg me for it, Levi.” 

But he’s practically whimpering now and completely unable to form coherent words, which Hanji thinks is positively adorable. 

“Mm… listen to that sultry voice, Erwin…  Doesn’t it make you want to fuck him all day?”  

Erwin can barely moan his agreement, he’s almost at his limit, and Zoe’s authoritative voice is not helping.  Or rather, it’s helping too much. 

“Z-Zoe…” 

Erwin croaks out just as his thrusting comes to a stuttering halt, and Levi lurches forward into Hanji’s grip as he feels the hot liquid gushing into him. 

“Tsk tsk…” Hanji reprimands as Erwin pulls out and sinks into the bed, breathing hard, his forehead covered in sweat.  “But I guess it’s been a while for you, hasn’t it?” 

A rough hand abruptly pulls at her hair, and she moans into the pull.  Levi does not appreciate being forgotten, especially when her fingers are the equivalent of a cock right around him right now and he would very much like to come again. 

“Tell me you want me to fuck you,” he pants against her lips, biting down on them enough to make her jump, but not hard enough to hurt her. 

“Ask me nicely and I’ll _let_ you fuck me,” she counters saucily, and Erwin laughs from behind them. 

“You’re not gonna win that one, Levi.” 

Hanji gives a long, slow stroke along his length before gripping tight the base again, and Levi snarls in frustration. 

“Fuuck… damn it!”  he pulls back some, biting his lip before yielding.  “Can I fuck you?” 

“I don’t know, _can_ you?”  she laughs, and Levi isn’t sure if he should kiss her or punch her lights out.  Erwin, meanwhile, is sneaking around the bed to sit himself behind Hanji, pulling her slowly down onto the bed and resting her head in his lap.  She arches her back sensually down, licking her lips as she goes. 

“… _May_ I.  May I fuck you?” 

Erwin is rolling his eyes slightly at how ridiculous the request sounds, especially with the intensely crass verb.  But Hanji had warned him long ago to never ask her to ‘make love,’ or she would refuse.  Despite all her logic and rationality, she is allowed this one superstition: as soon as you admit you love someone, fate will snatch them away.  But apparently, fate doesn’t give a rat’s ass whose ass is being pounded. 

Settling her head comfortably in Erwin’s lap, she spreads her legs slowly and releases her vice-grip. 

“Mm… please do~” 

His hands seize her hips, Erwin’s grasp her breasts tight.  If any other soldiers are within a fifty-foot radius of her room, it would be easy to mistake it for a war zone.  Both Levi’s and Hanji’s voices resound in the air, screaming as his nails dig into the soft flesh of her sides.  Hanji’s hands brace against Erwin, who’s rolling her nipples roughly between his calloused fingers.  He wonders which of her cries are because of his administrations and which are because of Levi hitting so deep inside her she spasms with each thrust. 

She climaxes first, digging her nails painfully into Erwin’s skin—he’s missed that feeling—shutting her eyes tight, and Levi follows soon after, pulling out and spraying his seed all over her belly.  They’re both convulsing slightly in the slowly settling afterglow. 

“Mm…” Hanji hums between deep breaths, her bare chest heaving and her eyes still closed. 

Settling in beside her, Levi nuzzles into her neck and mumbles against her skin,

“…you need to bathe you filthy beast.” 

“As if you’re not filthy too with Erwin’s cum leaking out of your ass?” 

“I think we could all use a nice hot shower,” Erwin chides.  Could they go at least one hour without bickering?  Probably not.  They might explode from all the pent-up sarcasm and snide banter building up inside of them. 

“And then a nap!” Hanji adds. 

“You got up only a few hours ago, shit-for-brains.”  Levi grumbles. 

“Well, I think a nap sounds like just the thing I need,” Erwin admits, leaning back against the headboard of Hanji’s bed, a yawn escaping his dignified countenance. 

Within minutes they can hear the even sound of Erwin’s deep sleep breathing.  Hanji and Levi whisper quietly between themselves, trying not to wake him.

“He still needs a fucking bath.”

“Let him sleep for a little while, Levi.  He’s earned it.” 

“Fine, then I’m going to go ahead and wash.”

“Waaaiiit…” she whines.  “Let’s all take one together later.  For now, cuddles.” 

He’s about to give in, he’s wrapping his arm around her waist, but of course, he’s forgotten all about how she’s coated in—

“Nope.  Shower.  Now.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took an excessively long time to write, so I hope people are happy with it! The release of Chapter 51 really helped fuel the creative juices, but I'm basically brain dead now. This is the first time I've written a threesome, so I hope it's... I dunno... Believable, I guess.
> 
> Also I just really REALLY like dominant Hanji~


	7. The Thrill of Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it turns out that Ymir's name is really easy to turn into an acronym.
> 
> Heavy references made to Ilse Langner's journal, so spoilery to those who haven't read the manga.

Growing up inside Wall Sina within the walls of a home large enough to house a few squadrons comfortably, Erwin’s grown up with all manner of tutors: Tutors in history, crown-approved literature, arithmetic, the basic sciences, even music, though he can count on two hands the number of years since he’d last touched a piano.  Wealthy parents always wanted the best education for their children, grooming them into well-rounded, learned adults. 

But there were certain things that couldn’t be learned from textbooks or tutors or bottom-spanking-governesses.  There were certain things you could only learn from experience, or from living on the streets… or from frequenting brothels.  Going off of one’s primal urges alone certainly gets the job done, but mastery requires practice.  Erwin was quite sure that his parents never meant for him to learn how to execute proper fellatio on another man, but he _is_ the commander of the Scouting Legion.  And really, what greater disappointment was there than that?  At least what goes in and out of his mouth in the confines of his bedroom and/or office remained a private affair.

“Ah—hnnmm….” 

Well, so long as he could keep quiet and no soldiers unwittingly entered his office. 

His hand slipped and the sentence he was writing quickly devolved into an illegible scrawl as Levi proved his apparent lack of a gag reflex under Erwin’s desk.  With the pause of the gentle scratching of pen on paper came the pause of the gentle lapping of Levi’s tongue on his cock. 

“I thought I told you to take notes,” came the smirky reply from under the mahogany surface.  “Unless you have an impeccable memory for everything I’m doing to you right now.” 

“I doubt any of these notes will help me when you’re making them as indecipherable as possible.” 

“Hardly my problem,” Levi shrugged.  “Anyway, where was I?” 

“There was brief mention of suction.” 

“Right.  And where were you?”

“I was trying to talk to you about the next small expedi—mmmm…” 

Erwin’s fists curled on his desk as Levi’s soft lips landed teasingly on the tip of his length before they slowly slid open, sucking in the length steadily into the warm cavern of his mouth.  Levi held the tip captive for a little while before releasing it with an audible pop, then began stroking it up and down with his hand before teasing,

“Go on, Erwin.  Debrief me about my next mission.” 

“I’m leaving it to you and hnngh…” 

Levi’s tongue slid from Erwin’s hot skin back into his mouth before he added,

“ Hm?  Who’s that?  I haven’t met any soldiers named—“

“I should just shut you up by ramming my cock down your throat.”  Erwin grumbled. 

“Wolf in sheep’s clothing; you’re not a gentleman at all.” 

“And for a former crime lord, you sure know how to spread ass and take it in deep.” 

“Gotta start somewhere,” Levi shrugged.  “Speaking of which…” 

And then the soft wetness was on him again, and Erwin’s hips bucked slightly as Levi took him nearly all the way into his throat, gripping the base tight with his long, slim fingers.  Giving up on reports, notes, whatever he was supposed to be doing, Erwin opted instead to lean back in his chair, reaching one hand below the table to grab a fistful of Levi’s hair.  When he felt Levi’s head retract (no doubt pulling back for yet another sassy remark about ignoring his duties), Erwin immediately pushed it back down, and there was a small satisfaction in hearing Levi gag slightly.  Ah yes, that was _much_ better. 

In the end, he couldn’t say that Levi’s oral work was any better than Hanji’s.  Her technique was more refined, certainly, but Levi did have a smaller mouth, and therefore a slightly tighter fit. 

And he made a lot more noise. 

Even with a fairly well endowed cock nudged down his throat, he produced quite the symphony of desperate little moans and whimpers.  They were sounds Erwin could never quite nudge out of Zoe; not like this.  She was always in control somehow, and even when being pleasured to the hilt, her voice always had an undertone of mirth, not reckless abandon and uncontrollable desire.  It was hard to take her by surprise since the sensations were always to her expectation and not beyond. 

So when he looked down to those silvery grey eyes, and saw the edges of them moist with tears, the wrinkles between his brows digging trenches into his skin… combined with the choked moans that escaped him intermittently whenever Erwin wasn’t choking him with his length… it was enough. 

Erwin groaned from low in his gut and came without warning, shooting half of his cum down Levi’s throat before he pulled back, coughing and gasping.  The rest of it splashed onto his face and into his hair, and that earned him a frightful glare. 

“Hgggck!  You sadistic fuck!”  Levi spit onto Erwin’s gleaming boots, a semen-mixed wad of spittle. 

“I hope you’re going to polish that, Levi.” 

“Screw you, get me a tissue.” 

It might look odd to a passing soldier why Erwin was throwing his tissue box under his desk, but thankfully, they had their privacy. 

“You didn’t learn anything from that, did you?” 

“Only vaguely,” Erwin hummed as he zipped up his pants.  “Enough to know that I’m far from the proper gentleman my parents raised me to be.” 

“Can’t wait to meet ‘em.  I’ll be sure to tell them all about how their son, the glorious commander of the scouting legion, representative of humanity’s hope, is in an illicit affair with his officers and likes to throat-fuck his lance corporal beneath his desk on the job.”  He threw down used tissues onto the floor, for once not caring that they were quite far from any trash bin.  “Fuck, you even got it in my hair.” 

“As the one _being_ throat-fucked, I think you’d mostly succeed in making yourself look marginally worse.  And speaking of the job…”

“Tch.” 

“Speaking of the job,” Erwin continued.  “I need you and Hanji to take a small team out beyond the wall.  Not a huge expedition, I expect you back within the day.” 

“What’s our objective?  Picking flowers?” 

“I think Hanji would rather enjoy that.  Goodness knows, she deserves it, but no.  Recovery.” 

“It’s been over a week since we came back from the last major expedition,” Levi remarked as he scooted his way out from under Erwin’s desk, having wiped off most of the evidence, but still itching to take a shower and wash the rest of it cleanly from his hair.  “Any soldiers who haven’t made it back on their own are dead.” 

“Then you’ll recover corpses and still-functioning bits of gear.  But you _will_ salvage them.  This is about as much as we can take back from the titans for now.” 

A gentle slam of papers and a firm glare punctuated his statement, and Levi sighed through his nose as he leaned his weight onto Erwin’s desk. 

“Always this cheery after being sucked off, are you?” 

“Not usually with Hanji, but maybe she does a better job.  You should take notes from her.” 

“Or maybe I’ll get her to demonstrate while we’re out there.” 

“Levi—“  the tone was grim and stern. 

“What?  Don’t tell me you’ve never had a quick fuck while being stuck out there for days.”

Erwin was about to forbid him from doing anything of the sort when Levi smirked and added,

“Sun goes down, the soldiers set up camp, grapple into a big-ass tree using your gear, and get a quick one off the wrist?  No?  Well, maybe Hanji and I will experiment.” 

“I expect you both back before nightfall tomorrow.” 

Levi turned to leave the office, throwing back a final,

“And if we’re not back by then, then we’re probably fucking up a tree.  Or we died fucking up a tree.” 

* * *

 

“I wouldn’t peg you to be the type to enjoy sex in the outdoors.  There’s dirt and grass out here, you know.”

A handful of soldiers leading a cart of mangled corpses and retrieved 3D gear followed shortly behind them, going at a hurried pace despite the blessed lack of titans in their immediate vicinity.  Compared to the visibly nervous soldiers riding behind them, their casual conversation of sex in the wild outdoors was comically nonplussed.    

“We’ve had sex having immediately returned from expeditions, still covered in days worth of filth, grime, even blood and injuries.”  Levi countered.

“And each time, you’ve shoved us into the shower almost immediately after.  If we fucked out here, we wouldn’t be able to clean up as soon as we were finished.” 

Levi’s lips twitched as he considered the harsh realities of the scenario. 

“But you know… I wouldn’t mind experimenting with the 3D gear…” and then her lips pulled into a wicked grin that sent an uncomfortable heat to his groin, very disadvantageous for horse-riding.  But it made him acutely aware of the fact that his steed had changed pace, riding slightly slower than a few moments before. 

“Oi, the horses are getting tired.” 

Scanning the horizon, Hanji’s eyes shot in the eastward direction, and pointed. 

“From where we are, I know there’s a small forest over in that direction just a ways ahead.  We can give the horses a brief rest in that area, and we’ll have plenty of trees for cover in case of titans.” 

Tugging firmly on the reins, she led them all southeast until the trees came into view, and Hanji and Levi pulled out their swords well before they reached their destination, calling back to their squad. 

“Approaching a forest!  We’ll rest our horses briefly here, but there’s limited visibility, so draw your swords and keep your guard up!” 

If Hanji focused, she could tune out the noisy clopping of hooves upon the ground, the clatter of her gear against the flanks of her horse, the wind rustling in her ears, she could even tune out the screams of other men.  And in that muffled silence, her trained ears hunted for the sound of approaching titan footsteps.  There was nothing in the world quite like the muted thundering of a creature too large to be logical.  In a pasture, one might mistake the steps of a goat for a sheep.  On cobbled streets, a mule’s steps might sound no different from a donkey.  But there was no mistaking the sounds of a titan for anything else. 

Blissfully, she heard none.   

And so the horses rode up safely to the forest, where the soldiers dismounted, pacing the ground nervously as their animals chomped on their bits.  Their fingers were steady on the triggers on their swords, ready to fly them into the nearest tree at the soonest indication of a nearby titan. 

“These small expeditions make me nervous,” muttered a tall blond soldier, leaning slightly against his horse and eyeing the horizon with focused—but also slightly skittish—eyes. 

“Really?” came the reply of the smaller soldier beside him, her short, cropped black hair rustling slightly in the breeze.  “The big ones make me nervous.  In a group as small as we are, we’re not numerous enough to attract as many titans.” 

“Our survival rates are not high, Sora.  Assuming that 25% of soldiers are lost on any one expedition, that means at least one of us in this small group isn’t going to make it back to the wall.” 

“The death rates are considerably lower for these recovery missions.  And we have Lance Corporal Levi and Squad Leader Hanji with us on this one.  So long as we don’t do anything stupid, and so long as luck is on our side, we should all be able to make it back this time.  Every last one of us.”  Her words were more hopeful than her tone as she eyed her superior officers in the distance. 

“Let’s hope so.” 

“Don’t worry, Erd.  You’ll see your girlfriend again.” 

“She’s right,“ chimed in their third companion.  “If you think in the most pessimistic terms, you’ll just become another statistic.” 

“That’s… not really all that comforting, Gunther.”  Erd sighed. 

As the three of them chatted away, trying to keep themselves distracted from the constant tension of being outside the walls, Levi and Hanji had already sheathed their swords and had paced slightly away, continuing to actively survey the surrounding area. 

In the corner of Hanji’s eye, she saw the half-eaten, forgotten remains of a soldier.  Somberly, she walked over to them as Levi bent down to pick up a small, leather-bound notebook not too far from the body.  What little remained of a body was rotted away to a stain on the grass; even the stench had disappeared by this point.  Only the uniform had survived the test of time, and she bent down to examine the bloodstained wings of freedom nestled in the grass. 

“This is… the arm band of the members of the 34th expedition.” She muttered.

A few paces away, Levi was flipping through the pages of the journal he had found, the weatherworn pages rustling gently past his fingers as he skimmed the contents inside. 

“These wings belonged to a soldier who died a year ago.  The name was… Ilse Langner.” 

Only the surname was written, but Hanji had an impeccable memory.  There were few soldiers in the Legion now whose names she didn’t know.  She might not always have a face to put to that name, many times the legion couldn’t always put a body to it, but she knew the names, at the very least. 

They reclaimed what they could, that’s what Erwin had said.  The corpse was too far-gone to bring back, and with a little over a year since her passing… she pulled at the tattered jacket, ignoring how the moss-covered bones clattered against each other as they were disturbed. 

“We’ll bring back her jacket with us.  And we should probably get a move on soon, staying here for too long is risky.” 

Levi didn’t move nor respond to her comments.  She turned to see his back turned to her, his head inclined to the pages he was holding.

“Levi?  What is that?” 

“This is… Ilse Langner’s… legacy.” 

She walked over, tucking the jacket under her arm and was confronted with an expression she had never seen on his face before.    
“What… is it?” 

Eyes wide, hands trembling slightly, he passed the notebook into her hands, whispering,

“She wrote that she communicated… with a titan.” 

“What?!” 

She snatched it from him then, flipping hurriedly to the last pages and giving a very audible gasp as she read the words written there. 

Hands shaking, eyes quivering, she felt her heartbeat in her ears as she snapped the notebook shut, tucking it safely into her jacket.  Her eyes darted from the corpse, to Levi, to their small squadron, back in the direction of Wall Rose, back to Levi, before,

“Saddle up!  We’re riding back.” 

“Hanji—“ Levi grabbed her arm. 

“This is the most important thing we’ve discovered in decades,” she whispered.  “It’s top priority, and we need to get _this_ back to the wall above all else.  I’m not going to die out here before Erwin knows that communication with the titans _is_ possible.  Therefore,” she snatched her arm back before mounting her horse.  “we ride back.  _Now_.” 

And there was nothing more to argue after that.  She outranked him, after all. 

Once they were safely back inside the walls and riding through the streets of Trost back to headquarters, Hanji pulled the journal out from her jacket and began to read frantically.  There was a mild amount of scorn from the civilians as they rode past.  Having only been gone for half a day, they hadn’t been able to recover much, but the sneering populace couldn’t know that Hanji held in her hands information worth a dozen expeditions. 

Ilse had been cornered by a 6m titan, and here the pages in her journal become tear-stained, her handwriting shaky.  But the titan had spoken to her. 

_Ymir’s people._

_The honorable Ymir._

_How supreme._

There was a name.  Ymir.  After that, it said no more, even as Ilse probed it with questions.  But there was something here, something horrible and grand that Hanji couldn’t understand, and it frightened her.  In her distraction, she missed a low-hanging branch in their path and was knocked from her horse, though thankfully, they had slowed their pace down to a trot once they were had left Trost. 

“Hanji!”

“Squad leader!” 

A chorus of concerned shouts echoed as Levi turned his horse back around, and the soldiers behind them slowed to a stop, Sora dismounting to help Hanji off the ground.

“I’m—I’m all right.” she muttered to no one in particular, her eyes wide behind her goggles.

“You’re bleeding,” Sora corrected. 

The branch had nicked her forehead above her right brow bone, the blood trickling around the frame of her goggles.  Levi clicked his tongue disapprovingly as he dismounted beside her. 

“Tch.  Med kit—“

“Sora, sir.”  Standing abruptly, she quickly retrieved the small med kit from inside the cart and passed it to Levi. 

There wasn’t much inside, just a helpful amount of bandages, scissors, a needle and suture thread… they were all things to vaguely patch up a person in the interim that it took to hobble back to civilization and proper medical attention.  And as he knelt beside Hanji, he gestured to the others. 

“Ride back without us, and tell them we’re not far behind.  You’ve got bodies to return.” 

“Understood, sir.” 

As they re-mounted their horses and took off ahead of them, Levi took his canteen from his hip, splashing the water unceremoniously into Hanji’s face.  She sputtered and gasped, reeling back and glaring at him from behind wet lenses. 

“What was that for?”

“Get it together, Hanji.” 

He knelt in front of her, peering at the gash above her eye.  His aim with the water had been impeccable, and it had served the double purpose of cleaning her wound while also pulling her head out of her ass. 

“Well, it’s not deep.”  He began unrolling the bandages, but paused when he saw her eyes were unfocused again.  He kept losing her attention, goodness only knows to what, but in her current state, he was about to force her to ride with him on his horse. 

“Hey!” he snapped his fingers in front of her face. 

“Ymir…” came her reply.

“No, the name’s Levi.  You’re very bad at this.”  He held up three fingers.  “How many titans do you see?” 

She slapped his hand away.  “What does it mean?  Who is it talking about?” 

“If I knew, I’d be locked up in a dungeon right about now.” 

“Is it the organization in charge?  A person?  The mother of all titans?  An acryonym?”

“Your mother is repulsive.”    

“Excuse me?” she bristled. 

“Acronyms,” he replied calmly as he began wrapping the bandage around her head, struggling to keep her hair out of the wrappings.  “Y-M-I-R.” 

“I was about to punch you in the throat.” 

“I’ve never met your mother, but if she’s anything like you—“

“She’s dead.”

His hands abruptly stopped.  Foot in fucking mouth. 

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is…” she pinched his arm to urge him to finish bandaging her up.

“…is?”

“You might inhale ragweed.” 

“What?”

“Acronyms,” she grinned before grabbing him by the cravat and pulling him close for a very firm kiss.  Then she sprung up, dragging him and the horses off the beaten path and into the thicket of trees by the road. 

“Hanji, where the fuck are we going?” 

“You wanted sex up a tree.  We don’t have to be beyond the wall to have sex up a tree.”  She called back nonchalantly, leading them a fair ways off the trail.

When they reached a clearing, she tied up the horses loosely before turning her attention back to Levi and pinning him against a tree.  One leg nudged between his legs as she brought her lips down onto his, her hands fumbling with his cravat. 

“This lacks the excitement of a near-death encounter,” he murmured as she pulled her lips away. 

She paused, pulling away and removing the delightful pressure below his waist.  She turned and silently walked back to her horse, and Levi was about to call her back—to say that they didn’t need it, that he wanted her now regardless—but she turned with rope held taut in her hands and a manic gleam in her eye. 

“No,” she whispered.  “But it has the thrill of being one step closer to the truth.” 

Something in her expression told him that the best thing to do was stay put—to be still as she came close.  Sudden movements were ill advised, she would only pursue twice as hard if he gave chase.  She was the hunter; he was the prey.  Surely this was how her titans must have felt, if they could even feel anxiety. 

She quickly undid the zipper of his pants and pulled out his rapidly stiffening cock, sending a shiver up his spine as she slid the cravat from around his neck and ran the silky fabric across his heated flesh.

He vaguely heard her whisper against his lips, “The drama of discovery…” before a jolt ran through the pit of his stomach, up his chest, and into his throat, a choked moan escaping him as she wrapped his cravat tight around the base of his length. 

Tugging his body forward by the knot she had made, she slipped around behind him, tying up his hands with the rope she had brought.  As she took his earlobe between her teeth, she hissed,

“The ribaldry of revelation…”

Great, she felt like being poetic.  That was never a good sign.  When Hanji started pulling out the loftier words from her lexicon, it was the surest indication that he was in for a rough few hours.  Levi tried to consider it part of his continuing education under her tutelage. 

Her hands snaked around from behind him, crossing over his abdomen—a disgruntled whine as Levi wished he could feel her fingers against his bare skin—before pulling out his swords from his boxes.  The shriek of the steel in his ears made his cock twitch nervously, a hopeless bead of pre-cum oozing out from the tip.  Sometimes he could swear that she was more dangerous than any titan.  At least a titan would never threaten to bite off only his dick.

Kneeling, she stabbed the swords into the ground with a sharp clang, before releasing the boxes from his thighs.  Nudging his knees forward, she pressed the index finger triggers on his blade handles, launching his hip grapples up into a thick, low-hanging branch of the tree. 

“Shit—“

Levi got little warning as she then sharply pulled the levers on the handles, hauling him up off the ground.  With his hands tied behind his back and no control over the operation of his gear, Levi found himself dangling helplessly upside down from the cables.  From somewhere below—above?  Beside?  He heard Hanji giggle through her nose impishly. 

“Fuck—Hanji!  Let me down!”  He braced his bound hands against his back so that they wouldn’t dangle uselessly above his head and craned his head forward, struggling to clearly make out his surroundings.  She was pacing around him, and just as he was about to try and take a bite at her thigh or her knee, she pressed a trigger and he felt himself falling. 

“Shit!”  he gasped, steeling himself for an impact that never came.  His heart was pounding in his ears and a cold trickle of sweat ran up from his temple into his hair.  His nose was only a few inches from the ground, the long grass tickling his skin.  The musky smell of earth filled his nose as he breathed in and out hard.  He heard another light click and felt himself being slowly raised up again. 

Soft fingers grabbed his hips, and he heard her click her tongue with pity. 

“Tsk tsk tsk… I thought you’d be more excited about this, Little Levi…” 

He growled, though it could hardly be considered menacing given his current position.  He had warned her to never call it that—or rather, to never call it by anything.  It was a body part, not a titan, not a pet.

“It’s not exactly a turn-on when my skull is in danger of being smashed open,” he hissed.  “Excuse me that I can’t stay rock hard when you’ve got me strung up like a fish on a line.

“I’ll make a note of it,” she chuckled. 

“Fuck your notes, just let me d—hnnngh!” 

Her fingertips pressed down delectably into his hips as her mouth swallowed his waning erection, sucking hungrily and coaxing it back to attention.

All the blood that had rushed to his head was now flowing eagerly back to his crotch with no respect for gravity.  And really, gravity could shove it up its incorporeal ass when Hanji was exquisitely shoving it down her throat. 

When she pulled it out with an audible pop and remarked, “It’s much easier at this angle, you know,” Levi replied with a muffled groan and a plea.

“Untie it…” 

Continuing as if she’d never heard him, she trailed her fingers down his shirt to his chest and popped open a few buttons beneath the harness. 

“I’d have loved to see you bare in this harness but sadly, it would have taken much too long for you to undress completely before putting the harness back on fully.” 

Nobody could deny that the standard military uniform was something that made ladies fan themselves and men’s pants constrict.  Combined with a little bit of rain, it was always a recipe for an ill-timed arousal.  And as Hanji circled around him, she had to admit, Levi’s ass looked absolutely fantastic in their standard issue white trousers.  Even upside down.  She gave that delicious bottom a good smack, starting his body swinging slightly from the cables.

“Fuck!”  Levi’s head hissed from two feet below. 

“Not yet, Lance Corporal Hotbutt.”  she teased. 

He groaned.  The names were back.  It was a shame her mouth couldn’t keep up with her hands in terms of keeping him continuously aroused.  Having his erection be turned on and off repeatedly like a lamp wasn’t exactly what he had in mind when he had first suggested they romp in nature’s backyard.  Nor was being tied up like a prisoner in more ways than one. 

She gave his bum a squeeze and giggled as she reached around to stroke him affectionately where it counted. 

“Erwin looked like he had quite a bit of fun back here, I definitely want a go.”

“You’ve… had… several.” 

He tried to speak without moaning, he really did.  But when he was simultaneously urged to cum and then restricted from doing so, there were few other places his frustration could go except into his voice. 

“I need my riding crop,” Hanji mused, continuing to ignore him. 

“Can you least let me down?” 

He had less issues with the riding crop than he did with the blood rushing to his head.  He was pretty sure there were some physical limitations concerning the human brain drowning in blood or something along those lines. 

“I don’t suppose Erwin would be happy to hear that Humanity’s Strongest Soldier died because one of his Squad Leaders left him hanging upside down too long while she sucked him off.” 

He felt her securing ropes under his arms, around his shoulders, and across his chest in a makeshift sling.  A hiss of gas later, she was up on a low-hanging branch, pulling the rope over it before she swung back down, pulling it with her as she went and cackling maniacally.  Once back on the ground, she pulled the ends of the rope, subsequently pulling Levi’s torso upwards until his head was slightly above parallel from his waist. 

“Ugh….” Levi gave an appreciative groan as the blood stopped pooling in his skull. 

His weight was now dangling in the air supported by ropes around his shoulders and chest, and the 3D grapples from his hips. 

“Congratulations, you’ve designed the world’s most uncomfortable hammock.” 

With his hands tied still behind his back and with his cravat still tied around the base of his cock like a noose, he wasn’t exactly a picture of acrobatic grace.  Soon, the rope would start chafing in his pits. 

“I have to say… nearly getting my brains bashed in, getting woozy from blood rushing to my head, all followed by ropes digging into my armpits and having a noose around my cock isn’t exactly heightening my pleasure here, _squad leader_.” 

“Well what exactly did you have in mind when you imagined sex with 3D gear?”  she teased as she slowly untied the cravat— _oh thank heaven_ —and leaned over his head, to then blindfold him with it— _oh no_. 

He felt her fingers pull and tug at his shirt, trying to pry it open as much as possible under the harness before her teeth latched onto a nipple.  Gently she pulled with the flats of her incisors before whispering into his skin,

“What was our safe word again?” 

Swallowing hard, Levi stammered, “T-titan.” 

She gave his nipples an experimental twist, making him gasp and convulse slightly, the ropes and cables whining from his struggles.  But his tongue wasn’t anywhere close to forming that voiceless alveolar stop consonant. 

“I think I _will_ go get that riding crop then.” 

Levi could feel his pulse quickening in his throat, his panting lips falling open in anticipation.  He might have cursed, he might have thrown as many colorful insults as he could think at her, but that didn’t change the fact that he didn’t _stop_ her.  She never gagged him; he always had the power to refuse and she would listen.  But instead of interception, he bit down on his lip when he felt the leather sting against his ass from under him. 

_Shit, I’m a masochistic little slut._

The riding crop was really mostly for effect.  Her roughest motions were always done with her nails and teeth, digging and scraping into his skin and trailing it with apologetic, soft kisses.  When she whipped him, it was either on his ass, the undersides of his thighs, or on the cables to rattle him with the cracking sound.  But every touch of that damned leather made a surge of blood rush to his manhood until it was a weeping mess on his abdomen.  Still, she wouldn't touch it, not directly, and he was left weakly thrusting his hips into the air in vain. 

“Humanity’s strongest… if only the masses knew that he gets off on being tied and whipped.”  She mused as she slid the tress along his side, circling around until she was standing over his head and looking down on him with a gleaming look in her eye. 

“Humanity’s brightest… imagine if they knew how badly she gets off on being a sadistic bitch.” 

_Thwap!_

He hissed at the sting.  He couldn’t remember if she had ever hit his face before. 

“Language, Corporal.”    
“Fuck you.”

“Only if you ask me nicely.” 

One of these days, Levi thought to himself, he would stop rolling over like a compliant dog at Hanji’s every whim and instead take charge of his own pleasure.  Not that he didn’t enjoy having her in control, but he imagined it would probably be quite nice to have her begging him for a change. 

“Would you listen if I did?” 

“Oh, but you seem to be enjoying this quite a bit!” she teased as she slid the end of the crop down his exposed abs to the tip of his dripping length. 

“Yeah, it’s a fucking blast.  Doesn’t it make you want a go?” 

That made her wrist twitch slightly.  It was only for a second, but with the leather resting against his skin, Levi felt it very distinctly.  She was intrigued.  And getting her attention was the hardest fucking part. 

“Come on, Zoe,” he purred, smirking when he heard a sharp intake of air.  “Let me down.” 

She swallowed hard, inhaling a deep breath that made her chest heave upward. 

“And what if I did?” 

“Then I’d tie you to this tree and fuck you into it until the bark splinters.” 

She laughed as she pulled the riding crop off of his skin.

“Always straight to the fucking.  Where’s the build up?” 

“As if you don’t want me inside you,” he rolled his eyes, but opted for compromise.  If only so that he could relieve the undersides of his arms from the rope burns.  “How about I eat you out first?” 

“Getting better, though your poetry could use some work.” 

But he heard a click as the grapples were released, and his feet landed clumsily on the grass, his upper body still awkwardly semi-hanging from the ropes tied around another branch.  Just as he regained his footing somewhat, which was difficult given his bound hands, she had grabbed one of his swords and cut the rope supporting him, and he fell promptly onto his ass.  It was more humiliating than being bound and blindfolded. 

She untied the cravat from behind his head, letting it slip down to hang loosely around his neck before kneeling to untie his wrists, stealing a brief nuzzle into his neck in the process.  As he felt the knot getting looser, he growled.

“You have three seconds.” 

“That’s a lot of time.” she hummed as she pulled free the knot. 

“Three.” 

And then he all but tackled her down into the grass, pinning her shoulders with his hands and resting his weight on her hips as he sat atop her.  Before she could argue, his lips were crashing down onto hers, desperately attempting to wrestle back the control he had earlier relinquished.  But the taste of his eagerness was divine, and far more convincing than his horrible diction to let him have his way with her now. 

“You cheater,” she rasped when his lips pulled away. 

“All’s fair,” as he grabbed the rope, pulling her to her feet and pressing her back against the tree.  “…in love…” He tied up one wrist firmly before walking around the back of the tree trunk to tie her other wrist, binding them wide apart and at shoulder level.  “…and war.” 

“We’re not in love,” she sighed as his fingers unbuttoned her shirt, opening and untucking it where he could around her harness.  

As his hands tightly grasped fistfuls of her breasts, she moaned and arched her back off the tree, bringing one leg up to wrap it around his waist and pull him closer. 

“You keep telling yourself that,” Levi murmured before bringing his lips to an already erect nipple, pinching and rolling it between his lips and teeth. 

Her moans and gasps were delightful, and he was eager to coax out volumes more.  Unfortunately, getting into her pants was far more complicated than getting into his.  It took several minutes to remove her boots and unbuckle key areas of her harness enough so that he could successfully pull off her pants—why the hell wasn’t she wearing panties—and get full access to—

“How the hell do you take a piss?”  he questioned as he knelt between her legs, bringing one up to rest atop his shoulder for support. 

“I can’t believe that you’d asking me a question about pissing just as you’re about to—ah!” 

So long as she didn’t actually take a leak on him, it was a perfectly relevant question, Levi thought to himself as he suckled lightly on her clit.  She couldn’t just whip out a penis to take a whiz, she actually had to remove her pants, which involved undoing the harness at least partially, and these were the important questions he had never thought about given his privileged position. 

And anyway, she didn’t taste of ammonia; just sweat and excitement. 

His fingers found her entrance already slick.  It was a brilliant indication that she probably liked being dominated more than she cared to admit. 

“Look which shithead is more wet than usual.” 

“Hnnngh—ah…” she moaned, thrusting her hips against his fingers as best she could.  “Ymir…”

Did she just—

Not that Levi knew anything about jealousy, the green in his eyes was purely from the green of nature all around them… but for Maria’s sake, he was getting _really_ tired of hearing her moan things that weren’t his name during sex.  So Ymir was on her mind, was it?  Fine, he’d give her an acronym to think about. 

“Your mouth is ready,” he grunted.  To make clear which mouth he was referring to, he curled his fingers inside her and pulled. 

Her screams were muffled by the foliage, and thank goodness for that.  He wouldn’t want them to be interrupted by travelers on the road overhearing the commotion and coming to investigate, thinking her to be a helpless woman being raped by a burglar.  He scoffed at the thought.  If there was one word that Hanji Zoe did not know the definition of, it was _helpless_. 

Pulling her other leg up onto his shoulder, Levi began to stand, pulling her weight off of her feet as he pushed her back against the tree for support.  Her hands balled into fists, pulling on her restraints.  He’d kiss the rope burns on her wrists later.  For now…

He slowly pushed into her, inch by inch. 

She couldn’t thrash about as much as she was usually accustomed to doing, though he could feel her trying to lift her hips of her own accord by impressively pulling up her weight.  Vertical sex against a wall was usually fun as the challenge of gravity added a few new sensations and a few extra millimeters of reach inside.  But when this was combined with neither of her feet being on the ground and her hands tied so that she couldn’t lean forward to balance off of his shoulders, it felt like Levi’s cock had grown an extra inch with how deep he could get inside her.  And that made her as raucous as a pub filled to the brim with soldiers and whores. 

She knew better than anyone how to scream like a soldier. 

Levi felt her clench around him in uneven spasms, pulling him insistently further in, and in a rare moment of ecstasy, he lost control of himself.  He came half inside her before he pulled out, spilling the rest of his cum between the roots of the tree and the grass. 

“Ah—shit…” he groaned, struggling to support her weight with his own in the aftermath. 

He fell forward, resting his head between her heaving breasts as he slowly let her shaking legs down. 

“Gosh, you made a mess.”  She crooned.  It didn’t matter all that much.  It was a safe time in her cycle, and she kept steady doses of silphium in her drawers just in case.  But it was always fun to tease. 

“I’ll take full responsibility,” he murmured into her skin.  Cleaning was what he meant, of course.  Nothing more. 

By the time they made it back to headquarters, considerably later than they really should have been, the sun had already set, but nobody dared to question why.  There was something about the slight limp in their gaits, their tussled hair, the grass stains on their pants, Levi’s crooked cravat… all of the signs pointed to a glaring warning to all that they really ought to mind their own business.  They were humanity’s strongest and humanity’s brightest.  All the masses needed to know was that everything they did was for the sake of mankind’s future… which may or may not have included 3D gear sex against a tree.   And all Erwin needed to know was that their mission had been a success in many ways, and that he was welcome to join in next time.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, let's face it, this chapter was mostly just an excuse to try and wrap my head around how 3D gear sex would work. The final conclusion is: with great difficulty. If you could guys could even vaguely visualize what was going on here, I'll consider that a passing grade, albeit maybe not with flying colors. 
> 
> Many thanks to Skye and Amanda for providing encouragement and motivation as I tried my best to write this hot mess of a chapter.


	8. Charm and Finesse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does one charm a woman like Hanji Zoe?

In the wake of the journal discovery, the entire legion was abuzz with activity.  Shortly after Hanji received approval for more titan captures, headquarters was on constant alert.  Four titans required more or less constant supervision—even the night guard couldn’t get complacent—unless they wanted to risk rampaging titans inside of Wall Rose.  Four titans also meant that a certain bespectacled squad leader was absolutely impossible to get ahold of, and when one did manage to catch her attention for more than two seconds, it was never the sort of attention one wanted…. unless one desperately wanted to be lectured for hours and hours about the exact contents of a titan’s insides. 

But this wasn’t all horrible news.  Hanji’s absence meant that Erwin and Levi had plenty of time (and then some) to coordinate their next plan of attack when next she took any time away from her precious test subjects.  The details had been nicely hammered away between the two within a few nights of regular rendezvous between their respective duties, none of which kept them anywhere near as preoccupied as her.  And then there was waiting for Hanji to have a free moment. 

They tried waiting for her in the mess hall, but her meals were brought to her by Moblit and she ate in her lab, next to her titans, in her office… they tried a forceful summons to Erwin’s office, but she had sent Moblit in her stead to retrieve the bureaucratic nonsense she didn’t have time for _(“Not when there are live titans to study!”)._   They tried waiting for her in her room, but it turned out she could go days and days without sleep.  That or she slept next to the titans, the idea of which wasn’t at all farfetched. 

If ever they were going to enact their surprise, it was obvious it wasn’t going to happen while the titans were alive and biting. 

“Erwin should never have given his approval for that titan capture,” Levi grumbled into his tea, sitting in the mess hall with a sour look on his face.   

“As Commander, he did what was best for humanity,” came a nonplussed reply from above him.  “Unlike the lot of us, Hanji remains useful both inside and outside the walls.” 

Mike pulled up a chair next to Levi, warily sniffing the air exactly twice. 

“Have I ever told you how unnerving it is that you do that?” Unsubtly, Levi scooted his chair away from the giant of a squad leader. 

“Probably because you associate it with my detecting nearby titans.” 

“Ugh, don't say the ‘t’ word.” 

“Why, because they’re charming away your girlfriend?” 

 “Tch.” 

Everyone was a comedian, and Levi was all out of laughs to give.  He appreciated that Mike treated him with familiarity in place of awe and adoration, but apparently, he had been taking notes from Hanji as to exactly what that meant. 

And speaking of that filthy woman, he hadn’t seen her in over a week now.  He knew he shouldn’t interrupt her research (it’s important for humanity’s future or something), but those titans were taking an awfully long time to die, and his blades were itching to help them along.  Not to mention that minus her presence, his sex life was a tad more monotonous and taking its toll on his backside.  Not that he’d seen all that much of Erwin either.  Barely getting anal and sorely missing a wet pussy to fuck. 

“Is humanity’s strongest soldier feeling a touch of cabin fever?” 

The epithet Levi had earned for himself had a certain ring to it he never enjoyed.  But when the words came from Mike, they held a hint of something that no other context could provide: empathy. 

“Do those words leave a bitter taste in your mouth?” 

“I think I prefer saying them to hearing them, if that’s what you’re implying.”  Mike wasn’t at all ashamed to have been knocked down to second rank.  And he knew that Levi understood full well just how little the title meant in the grand scheme of things. 

“Maybe I’ll have that privilege someday,” Levi muttered, only half in jest. 

“You just might.  Erwin made me go look at the 104th training squadron that are graduating later this year.  The top student has talent seen in one out of a million soldiers.  If she joins the Legion, she just might kick you down to size.”  Mike tried hard not to chuckle, he really did.  But he also really couldn’t help it. 

“If that’s the best you can do, then #2 is a gross exaggeration.”

“It’s not, but I’m saving my better height jokes for later.”     

“Is there a reason you’re tormenting me?”  Had he known he’d be blessed with such attention, he’d have opted for coffee instead of tea.  The extra caffeine would only have been an ally. 

“Just thought you might like some company.” 

“Your sort of company I could do without.” 

Levi stood to leave, but was pressed forcefully back down into his seat by a large hand on his shoulder. 

“Sit tight, napkin neck.”

“Nap—it’s a cravat.” 

“And we all know you wear it to hide the hickeys on your neck.” 

A hand defensively went up to adjust it, puffing up the fabric slightly. 

“Though speaking of hickeys—“

“I’m not going to talk about this with you.” Levi stated flatly. 

“Well no wonder you can’t get her attention.” 

“Excuse me?”  Levi bristled. 

“Hanji’s a go-getter.  You and Erwin have been spoon-fed her attention because when she wanted you, she went and took you.  So now when the tables are turned, you have no idea how to charm _her_ into _your_ arms.  As if calling in her for ‘an officer meeting’ would really work.”   

Levi’s took a moment of silence to formulate a few vague ideas in his head of what it took to usually charm a woman.  Flowers?  She was more likely to eat them than accept them as an invitation into his bed.  Chocolates?  In her current state, she was more likely to feed them to the titans or hand them over to Moblit.  Poetry?  Except that she was the one who taught him how to read and write and he had no idea how to wax poetic other than to compliment her on her shits. 

“And how, exactly, does one _charm_ Hanji Zoe?” 

“Beats me,” Mike shrugged before sipping contentedly from his own cup of tea.  “Your best bet was titans, and she already went and got a few of those.”  

“So the reason for your grandiose consultation was what—to prove your own uselessness?” 

“And yours.”  He smirked.  “Nothing like being knocked down a few pegs to provide some much-needed motivation.” 

Scooting out his chair and standing to leave, Mike took a calculating sniff of the air before commenting,

“Ooh, I think I smell humility.” 

If Levi didn’t have trace amounts of decorum (as obviously evidenced by his puffed cravat), he might have gone and taken a shit in Mike’s room so that he could smell _that_ instead. 

But as much as he hated to admit it, he had a point.  It was time to try another angle.  Instead of waiting around for Hanji to take a break, it was time to make her take one.  The second part, which he hated to admit even more, was that he would need Moblit’s cooperation to do it.   

* * *

 

Honestly, the fuss.  Fifteen hours of sleep in eight days was plenty given enough caffeine and excitement, and Hanji had had an excess of both!  But Moblit was positively insistent that now it was high time for her to take some actual rest in her bed and leave the titans be for one night.  He’d brought her food, a calming tea, and had practically drawn her bath, even requesting that Mike take command.  And he had agreed to do it so enthusiastically that Hanji was nothing but suspicious as she trudged her way to her room in her slippers and robe. 

As she neared the end of the hallway, her suspicions were confirmed as she heard the eager, keening cries of a certain cravat-wearing officer from behind her door.  From the sounds, however, she could hypothesize that he wasn’t necessarily wearing his cravat at the moment.  At least, not around his neck. 

When she opened the door, the sight of Levi spread open in Erwin’s lap—his cock quivering with poise and almost waving—greeted her.  Well now she could understand Moblit and Mike’s meddling.  She had always said to people who misunderstood: she never valued titans over humans.  And she certainly didn’t value them over naked ones.  Naked ones moaning in her bed with rippling muscles, covered in sweat and pre-cum and—oh, when had her fingers gotten there? 

Smirking at the spectacle in front of her, she leaned against her door, locking it with a flick of her fingers while she still had the cognizance to do so. 

“Am I interrupting something?” 

“Hng—nno—ah!” 

She smiled fondly at Levi’s determination to answer her question despite being pounded into.  Surely Erwin was in a sliiightly better position to provide an uninterrupted reply.  But his flushed face and swollen lips were delightful to see on such full, shameless display, and she pushed her fingers into her own warmth, letting out a low groan. 

Having gotten started without her, the boys took their climax early, groaning and heaving on the edge of her mattress and shoving her books and research carelessly onto the floor.  But really, she shouldn’t be keeping those on the bed anyway.  And they were already covered with dirt and grime, what was a little extra sweat and man juice? 

To accompany the papers scattering to the ground, she let her robe slip off her shoulders and fall in a puddle around her feet while she let the other two catch their breath.  Her mind had been racing with questions about titans and experiment ideas not too long ago, but now all thoughts of titans had gone, and she thought only of how she could make the two men in front of her cum again.  Preferably harder.  Screaming her name. 

“Zoe…” Erwin called out longingly, his baritone voice all but caressing her ears.  It was a welcome change to the past week, where soldiers had rushed screaming about her on all sides, shouting her name and begging her to stay out of reach, out of danger.  She closed her eyes, letting the tone ring in her mind and brought a hand to her breast, smiling. 

She heard him rise from the bed, heavy steps approaching, and she licked her lips in anticipation.  She reached out with her hands, eyes still closed, letting her fingers experience him first.  She wanted touch, not vision.  They landed first on his firm pectorals, and as he came closer, she slid her arms slowly up his scarred shoulders and around his neck, the fingers of her right hand grazing up his soft blond hair with frayed, splitting ends.  She lifted her chin, expecting to feel his lips on hers when she felt one strong arm wrap around her shoulders, but was soon swept off her feet when the other arm dipped to catch her behind the knees.  Opening her eyes with a pout, she whined,

“You could have at least kissed me first.” 

“You’ll get plenty soon enough,” came a quiet reply from the bed, and she turned to see Levi glowering at her from the bed with a wicked smirk. 

“Somehow, I feel like I’ve been bought and sold.”  Her arms tightened around Erwin’s neck, and he gave a not-so-innocent chuckle. 

“Think of it, instead, like being a bride carried over the threshold.” 

“Oh Maria, that’s worse.” She crinkled her nose in distaste. 

“Gee, thanks,” came Levi’s miffed tone.    
“Don't take it too personally, Levi,” Erwin said as he placed her onto the bed.  “She’d never marry, not even someone like me.” 

“Double thanks,” and now he sounded positively scorned. 

“I hear married people have less fun, anyway,” Hanji shrugged as she pecked Levi on the cheek in consolation. 

“In any case,” Erwin interrupted, pulling Hanji’s back onto his chest and letting his hands wander over her toned abs, lingering on the long scar that trailed up her side.  “We thought it was high time you gave those titans a rest.”    
“So that I could pay attention to you two instead?”  
“No,” Levi replied firmly as he spread open her legs.  “So that we could pay some attention to _you_.” 

And then his tongue was on her and she was throwing her head back into Erwin’s shoulder, any and all protests and rebuttals devolving into moans and toe curls and grabbing fistfuls of the sheets between her fingers.  Erwin nuzzled her ear, savoring her cries and speaking softly,

“We had an idea we wanted to run by you, Squad Leader.” 

“Hmmnnnngh…”  was the best she could manage toward an upward intonation as Levi’s tongue swirled around her clitoris. 

“In the name of science…”

Her back arched against him—who knew that one word would have such a strong effect?

“…how loud can we make you scream if we both take you… simultaneously?”  Erwin slid a finger down between the crevice of her cheeks, pressing slightly against her back entrance to clarify his suggestion. 

“Hah—ahhh…” she moaned, bucking her hips forward into Levi’s tongue.  “Can’t… mm… measure… sound.” 

She felt Levi’s tongue pause in his ministrations.

“At least, not quantitatively.”  She finished. 

Erwin gave Levi a disapproving look, as if to accuse him of slacking off, because if she could string together three words without moaning or gasping—especially if they were multisyllabic—then a certain man positioned between her legs wasn’t doing enough with his mouth to keep her preoccupied. 

But she grabbed the small vial of lubricant and placed it firmly in Erwin’s hand to give her approval before running her hands through Levi’s hair to encourage him to continue.  He bit the inside of her thigh before slowly inserting the tip of his finger into her warmth—it was all he had to do, really.  After the initial push, he could feel her muscles working to take him in the rest of the way, her body craving his entry as much as he. 

“How about how many times we can make you climax?” Levi whispered against her skin. 

“Might be difficult to arrange a control group for comparison.” She grinned. 

“I’m starting to think we should gag you.” 

“Is that how you would treat your bride?” 

He was silent for ever-so-slightly a moment longer than appropriate, his eyes falling soft for a second, too soft, too affectionate… no, she hadn’t meant—

It didn’t matter what she meant.  His swift rebuttal was to curl his finger inside of her, his breath hot on her folds as Erwin placed a cool, lubricated finger against her ass.  After over a week of celibacy, she might have been biting off more than she could chew here, but the heartbeat in her head pounded out rationality and encouraged instead all manner of debauchery.  So she bit down on her lip and resolved to give in to the revelry, and relinquished command to the two beings in the world by whom she’d have no qualms to being eaten up… in the most lecherous senses of the phrase. 

Erwin slowly pushed one finger in, pushing her hips forward to meet Levi’s tongue, turning his wrist and nibbling on her ear.

“How does that feel?”

“Hngh… mm… hmmm…” 

Levi felt her legs shuddering against his shoulders and pulled his head back momentarily to remark,

“I think that translates to: keep going.” 

For all the men that she’d ever pegged with a strap-on, Hanji had never experienced anal for herself.  It was a remarkable testament, perhaps, to just how much command she could muster in bed.  Or it was a measure of how everyone wanted to be dominated, at least in some small part.  Even men of the military with all of their strength and training… when removed from polite society, they too could beg and moan like whores. 

To that end, so could she.  Erwin’s digit inside her had undoubtedly felt strange and foreign at first, but after a few minutes, she had grown accustomed to it being inside her.  And when Erwin and Levi simultaneously twisted their fingers from behind and from the front, she moaned louder than she had in all her life—though, of course, she couldn’t say that with any quantitative proof. 

And all the while, Erwin was gently whispering encouragements in her ear and rolling a nipple between his fingers to try and ease any discomfort.  Levi was doing his part to make sure she stayed amply wet, working his tongue and fingers with extra diligence between her legs.  Had it not been for the mild discomfort from behind, she might have come once or twice by now.  When she had grown accustomed to one finger, which she indicated by swaying her hips forward and attempting to take control of her own pleasure, Erwin slowly pushed in a second, and once again her body stilled.  Her spine tingled and raised goose bumps on her skin.  Her mind had lost most of its focus, her eyes trailed from Levi’s hair, to his gorgeously sculpted bum, to her bedposts, to the grime on the walls, to the dimming light on the ceiling… a small part was trying to rationalize the events.  Naturally, Erwin would have to insert at least a third finger before she was ready—he was delectably well-endowed.  Once she was ready, she was curious about the angle of entry, and how she would balance her weight between the two—and there was the third. 

A hiss of pain prompted Levi to suck on the swollen bud above her folds and pull his finger upwards like he knew she liked. 

“Nearly there…” Erwin whispered into her ear, nuzzling it gently before placing a tender kiss just behind it. 

“And then we’ll fill you up to the brim,” Levi promised quietly, sliding his hands from under her knees down the insides of her thighs, brushing the hairs on her legs lightly. 

Her snarky comebacks were gone.  All of her usual wit and cheek replaced by uneven breathing, uncontrollable moaning, and lewd demands for more.  More of what, she wasn’t even sure, she just wanted more. 

When it was finally time, Levi pulled away from her first, scooting further up the bed, his fingers interlaced with Hanji’s, pulling her head slowly down and forward.  With her body lying face-down atop the mattress, Erwin pulled up on her hips, positioning them upward and urging her to arch her back. 

“You’ve been a bad girl, Zoe.”  Erwin purred against the skin of her lower back, smacking her bottom hard with one hand. 

The slap reverberated throughout her already too-sensitive body, and she groaned loudly, clamping down on Levi’s fingers with her own. 

“Disregarding officer meetings…”

Another slap.  “Ah!” 

“Skipping meals…”

A slap on the other cheek.  “Ahnnn~” 

“Mostly neglecting us in favor of titans,” Levi added, placing the tip of his cock against her lips. 

When Erwin smacked both cheeks, making her gasp, Levi thrust it into the warmth of her mouth, groaning low.  Hanji moaned against him, her throat vibrating against his length.  Behind her, Erwin was pouring copious amounts of lubrication onto his own length, smearing more against her entrance even as it dripped onto the sheets.  Then spreading her cheeks with his hands, he slowly pushed in—just the tip—and watched keenly as Levi threw his head back to the reactionary moan she gave. 

After taking a moment to relish the sensation of her muffled scream against his length, he pulled out to see if she needed to voice any concerns.  Erwin’s hands were low on her back, kneading and attempting to soothe any pain.  Her moans weren’t without discomfort, but she attempted to push back against him anyway, willing to force her body a little bit further. 

“Shhh… there’s no rush…” Erwin whispered, stilling her hips with a strong grip. 

She might have argued.  She might have asserted, no pain, no gain, as that had been the credo of her very first sexual encounter, but no.  She might as well enjoy the long-deserved break of hers.  Not to mention she wouldn’t necessarily be rewarded by just shoving the rest of it in, it’s not like she had a magic button tucked away in there like the boys did. 

So she slowly swayed her hips from side to side, bringing them up as she lowered her chest and arching her back as best she could.  Inhaling through her nose, she took slow, deep breaths, little giggles and moans escaping as she felt her body relax around him. 

“Good girl,” Erwin breathed.  “I think now’s a good time, wouldn’t you say, Levi?” 

Oh, these wicked, _wicked_ boys. 

She soon heard the sound of chains dragging on the hardwood floor beneath her bed as Levi retrieved a pair of iron shackles. 

“Where—“

“A gift from the Military Police.”  Erwin answered.

“These were once used to shackle me,” Levi added. 

“You looked good in chains.”

“Fuck you.” 

“Busy fucking Zoe at the moment.” 

She wasn’t sure if she was turned on at the idea of being chained, or at the mental image of Levi chained and bound in a mangy prison cell while Erwin rode him hard from behind against the bars.  The latter was likely contributing a higher proportion. 

As the cold steel clicked into place on her wrists, binding her arms in place behind her back, Erwin slid the rest of his way inside.  Hanji smiled at the thought of how sore she would be in the morning.

“Oh, don’t think it stops there.” Levi chided. 

She felt Erwin’s strong hands wrap around her middle and lift her whole weight up off the bed.  They shifted until Erwin’s pelvis was beneath her, and she was reverse straddling him.  He was counterbalancing by pulling on the chain of her cuffs.  The fingers around her abdomen danced lightly around her scars with rough, calloused steps before tapping their way upwards, brushing past a nipple, then cupping her face.  He turned her head with a flick of his wrist and she saw Levi pull out from one of her drawers—who knows how long he had been hiding them in there—two small clamps. 

Wicked, clever boys…

She flashed a fanged smile and clacked her teeth together, growling playfully as if she would devour Levi whole—which she might do, later.  Playing subservient didn’t quite suit her, but she could certainly be a beast. 

“Erwin, if you’d oblige.”  Levi smirked, as he sat across from her. 

“My pleasure, Levi.” 

He grasped her left breast firmly, kneading it before pinching the nipple to a rousing point.  Levi brought the clamp close and Hanji felt her breath quicken, her chest heaving.  Gently, he set it in place, kissing her breast around it. 

She moaned and rocked her hips, making Erwin to hiss and bite his lip.  Ohh, when this was over, she was going to wreck his ass in kind and he was going to love it.  She promised herself that much. 

Then they repeated the process—a bit more harshly—to her other breast, and she let out a long sigh. 

“First… you call it a consultat—aah…. Consultation…” she breathed.  Every movement rippled through her body and ended at her tits.  It was a delicious sort of pain.  “…and now it’s… mmm… discipline.” She purred the last word as she locked eyes with Levi in front of her, daring him to come close. 

“Recreation,” Erwin corrected as he took a slow, experimental thrust.  She was tight, tighter than Levi, squeezing around him like a warm vice, and if they didn’t shut her up soon, she would make him lose it just from speaking.  She knew he had an ear for bedroom talk.  “We play hard in the scouting legion.”

The clamps bobbed and pulled, the chains rattled, and Hanji choked back a groan. 

“I’m sure Hanji would make a lovely poster girl for the Legion,” Levi chuckled, flicking at a clamp with his finger and making her release that groan.  “Kill titans and fuck beautiful women.” 

“Or get fucked by them.  Both are quite…” a faster thrust now.  “…divine.” 

Well if there was one thing she hadn’t planned on, it was their being charming.  Were they suddenly inside the innermost wall? 

“Shut up and make good use of that cock,” she gritted.  Her words had been directed at Erwin, but Levi suddenly came closer, pushing her legs open wide and whispering huskily against her lips,

“Oh, I intend to.” 

And then he was pushing into her, and Erwin was already buried inside her, and she could feel her body coiling and uncoiling, the heat within pulsating low and bubbling up in waves.  They had promised to fill her to the brim, and by the walls, they were doing just that. 

She tried to take deep, even breaths.  But then Erwin moved behind her, and Levi moved in front to match, and soon they were rhythmically wrecking her insides from both ends and she couldn’t hold it in.  She screamed, she howled, she moaned, and cried; she pulled on her shackles and bit into Levi’s shoulder to muffle the din, but it wasn’t much use, they were sure half of base had heard her.  But if anything, that would only give them more reason to be intimidated by them all.  And at the end of the day, what had they to be ashamed of?  Giving a woman pleasure?  Being pleasured to within an inch of her life? 

The first time she was about to come, Levi pulled out and Erwin swiftly followed, leaving her hips hopelessly thrusting at air and her body feeling dreadfully empty. 

“Nooo… Levi… Erwin… please…” she whined. 

But Levi pulled on the clamps in response, teasing,

“Isn’t there a procedure for this sort of thing, Erwin?”

“Standard protocol, of course: Fill out the necessary paperwork for all formal requests.” 

“Erwin, you—“

“Though I could make an exception for you, _squad leader_.” 

Oh, he had turned into a right old bastard, all right.  Playing at titles, she knew he loved them. 

“Commander~” she purred. 

“Yes, 2nd squad leader, Hanji Zoe?” 

“Might I formally request that I be unchained and fuck you both until you beg me for mercy?” 

That earned her an orgasm devoid of any cock, and while it left her loose and limp, it by no means left her feeling satisfied. 

Levi wanted her to beg for it like she always made him beg, but when she bat those eyelashes at him and cooed his name, he lost his resolve.  Erwin or no, he loved behind inside her, and denying her pleasure was denying his also, and he was just about done playing games. 

“There’s no finesse to either of you,” Erwin chuckled as Hanji took Levi inside of her, straddling him on the bed. 

“Screw finesse,” Levi murmured.  “Now get your inner wall prick over here.” 

Hanji bent forward, the clamps brushing against Levi’s chest and making her tremble.  With her hands chained behind her, she spread her ass with them before growling,

“We’re all beasts, Erwin.  Fuck me like one.” 

And really, who could argue with logic like that. 

She reached her peak first between them, a silent scream to accompany her curling toes and tensing body.  Towards the end of her high, she could feel Levi’s shot spilling on her abdomen and breasts, and Erwin’s hips stuttering to a halt against hers. 

They were all letting out involuntary, pleased spasms in the wake of their ‘play,’ Hanji, in particular, was feeling thoroughly ruined, and she loved it. 

“Mm… now _tha_ t is how you charm a woman.”  Hanji lolled as the shackles were removed.   

“A certain kind of woman,” Erwin mused. 

“Oooh—ssst!” she hissed as she removed the clamps.  “What other kind of woman is there that would join the scouting legion?” 

“And play around in the bowels of a titan?” Levi added.  “Only you.” 

He lay beside her and lay apologetic kisses around her swollen nipples until she batted him away— _they’re sensitive, and that’s not helping_ —before realizing,

“Hang on.  Charm—Mike told you, didn’t he?” 

“You two were being obvious anyway, I had a hunch even before he said anything to me.”  She yawned, stretching on the mattress and grinning sloppily as she felt Erwin’s seed trickle down her ass and thighs.  Ignoring it and burying her face into the pillows, she asked,

“So did you flip a coin to see who got which hole?” 

They might have answered, they might have even told her the truth, had she not replied to her own question with a soft snore seconds after she posed it.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that slowly and almost assuredly, this fic is turning into episodic sex. Basically, I get into a mood to write Erurihan smut and I fit it into this fic because it already exists and is somehow less effort than writing a one-shot. At some point it'll catch up to canon. Can't say it'll get any less smutty though.


	9. Convalescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world spins ever faster out of their control and in the wake of tragedy, two soldiers take what comfort they can.

Levi had done an inordinate amount of pacing since he had been removed from active duty. By the time Erwin and Hanji returned, limbless and burned respectively, his limp was gone and most of the swelling in his ankle had subsided.   _Not that a proper gait would be able to help anyone right now anyway_ . He used his good foot to kick at a rubbish bin in the hallway.   _Useless._

Since the graduation of the 104th cadets, it seemed that every time he turned his head, the world as they knew it was crumbling around them, and someone else was gone or hurt. There was still no word of Mike or Nanaba and their squadrons, the entire scouting legion was in disarray and being held in custody by the military police for unspecified crimes, Erwin had been sleeping for days, struggling with fever and blood loss, and Hanji was…

…missing. 

He had opened the door to her hospital room to find she was absent from her bed, which had been transformed into a war zone in her wake. As far as he was aware, she wasn’t in any condition to be discharged from the hospital just yet. Many of her burns were still oozing with pus under her bandages and at great risk for infection.

_Maybe she’s gone to the bathroom for a shit._

He had resigned himself to waiting when Moblit strode in behind him.

“C-corporal!” 

Moblit’s recovery had been one of the faster ones, since his injuries hadn’t been as severe.  But even in uniform, he was still forced to wear his bandages, and Levi could smell how he was drenched in aloe and other medicines. 

“Making a visit to your squad leader?”

“N-no I…”  his eyes found the robe draped over the foot of the bed.  “I thought I’d bring her her robe.” 

Levi felt his jaw tensing as he took a deep breath in through his nose. 

“Moblit, you better not tell me she’s trying to go back to work.” 

Between them all, Levi was the one most ready to go back into action, and he still had a sprain. 

“No!  Oh, nothing like that.”  Moblit took a step back, his hands raised in compliance. 

“Where is she, Moblit?” 

“She went to the Commander’s room.”

“To Erwin?  Is he awake?” 

“N-no.  She just wanted to see his condition.” 

“Ah.”  It would be too much to hope that Erwin could have recovered so quickly given his condition the night before.  “Thank you, Moblit. I’ll take it to her.”

“Right.  Of course.  I’ll… leave it to you.”

“Moblit,” Levi stopped him. 

“Yes?” 

“What happened out there?” 

Levi had received the official reports from the Wall Garrison, and had spent long hours with Rico to discuss what she had seen when she went to recover the bodies.  But Rico hadn’t been there in the thick of the action and the children were all still frazzled from what they had experienced.  They had enough to think about. 

“You’ve read the reports, haven’t you?”

“Five years I’ve gone with them beyond the wall, Moblit.  And in five years, I’ve never seen them return in such a shitty state.” 

Moblit bit his lip at that truth. He too, had been beside Hanji’s side for years watching her poke and prod her way around titans’ mouths and hands and putting herself quite literally into the jaws of death, but he had always seen her prance away unscathed.  Of course, he worried for her safety and couldn’t restrain himself from asking—no, _begging_ —for a modicum of restraint. But no amount of begging or honed reflexes could have shifted the outcome of this particular encounter to a better one. 

“Things are different.  We were up against the colossal and armored titans. Only… well, they’re not just titans. They’re humans too, just like us and—“

“And?”

“…and they’re willing to die for their cause just as much as we are for ours.”  Moblit felt the weight of his wings more than ever.  Recently, he had spent a great deal of time wondering who would be next. If he were lucky, he would die before he saw any of his fellow squad members get eaten.  And if his true nature were that of a good man, he’d die in service to his squad leader and prolong her life in place of his own.

“Only, those bastards are a lot harder to kill.”

On top of which, they weren’t wanted dead. They were wanted as prisoners, to provide valuable information for humanity.  But it was infinitely harder to try and take them alive rather than dead. Annie had proven as much.

“Rest assured, I’ll work even harder from here on out to keep her safe, corporal.” 

Levi almost wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his job. _She’s sleeping with_ me, _it’s my job to keep that shithead safe._   But whether he said it or not, Moblit would never relent in that particular duty. He had a rather odd tenacity in that one area of his life.  Levi tried his best to respect him for it rather than give in to petty jealous tendencies. Playing nursemaid to Hanji Zoe took a lot of balls. 

“Watch out for yourself too, Moblit.”

“Yes, sir.”  Moblit gave him a brief salute before excusing himself.

Levi grabbed the robe before making his way to Erwin’s quarters, glaring murderously at all the primped military police personnel that lined the halls.  And an especial _fuck you_ scowl for Nile Dawk, who stood guarding Erwin’s door. 

“Erwin’s a popular man today, it seems.”

“Step aside, Nile.”

“How much conversation are you going to get out of a comatose man?” 

“It’d still be better than any amount of conversation with you.” 

Nile narrowed his eyes before stepping begrudgingly to one side. 

Inside, Levi found Hanji sitting at the foot of Erwin’s bed, knees drawn up to her chest and eyes transfixed on Erwin’s sleeping expression.  She gave no sign that she had heard him enter.  He walked quietly over, gently draping the robe over her shoulders before pulling up a chair and sitting beside the bed. 

They sat together in silence for several minutes listening to Erwin’s slow, deep breaths before Hanji finally broke.

“You know I have a really good visual memory,” she murmured. 

Levi nodded in silent reply. 

“I think I know just about every scar on his body.” She lifted one thin finger to point at his lower abdomen.  “The one on his side, lower left… was from smashing into a branch that came up in his blind spot. The gash that goes down his upper back? Someone’s sword that went flying by after they were eaten.  That nick on his right shoulder was from a bit of flying shrapnel that got embedded for a little while.  Had to remove that bit and stitch it up while we were out in the field.” 

Levi listened in silence, his eyes unmoving from the flatness of the bed sheets where Erwin’s right arm should be.

“I’ve seen him get pretty screwed up in his younger years,” Hanji joked, trying to muster a smile.  “But he—“ she sniffed.  “I’ve never—“

In an instant she felt Levi’s arms envelop her softly, gently cradling her body against his chest while she struggled to choke down the sobs.  She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she had cried actual tears.  It was uncomfortable and physically painful; it was no wonder she had avoided it for so long.

“I should’ve—“

“Done what?” Levi stopped her. “Told him not to go? Gone with him and gotten yourself fucked up beyond repair for camaraderie’s sake?” 

“I should’ve been there.” 

“The only difference is you would have witnessed it firsthand and possibly followed it up with something stupid.” He gently wiped at her tears with his thumb.  “You did what you could, you’re doing what you can.  We all are.  Nobody blames you for anything.” 

His words hit harder than either of them would have preferred, but the hopelessness and futility of their situation had to be accepted and endured.  She had done so for nearly a decade at this point.  She could endure at least a little more. 

“Sorry we did that to you,” she whispered after managing to catch her breath a little.  “Come home all busted and beaten, I mean.” 

“You came home alive,” he kissed the top of her unkempt, unwashed hair.  “That’s the most I could ever ask of either of you.” 

“Have we heard about Mike or Nanaba yet?”

“…no.” 

“Fuck!” 

She didn’t want to imagine that anything serious could have happened to them.  Mike was the second strongest soldier in the Legion after Levi, and that had to count for something, didn’t it?  Except that they had all been traveling through titan-infested territory without realizing it because—

“Connie!” she started. 

“Springer?  He’s fine—“  
“He wanted to see me.”

“He can wait.” 

“Something about why titans were inside Wall Rose…”

“Hanji!”  Levi grabbed her shoulders, shaking her more than a little roughly. “Look at you, you’re in no condition to go chasing after the kids and go back into the field.”

“But… Connie—and… we should be looking for Mike and Nanaba… and I need to talk to Nick—“

“Later,” Levi insisted.

“But—“

He silenced her with a kiss.  Feebly, she protested for a few moments before giving in and desperately clinging onto Levi’s arms. 

 “Later,” his tone was final when their lips parted. 

“Okay,” she relented, pressing her forehead to his.

Her eyes flickered back to Erwin.

“He’ll pull through, won’t he?”

“He’s a stubborn bastard.  He’s already made it through about two fevers.”

“I doubt he’d be able to do much commanding with only one arm.”

“He still has both of his eyebrows.” Levi shrugged.

She couldn't help herself.  She chortled.  Then choked. Then devolved into a raucous laughter, clutching her sides and gasping for air while Levi laughed beside her. It was horrible! It was so inappropriate, so malapropos, but it felt so fucking good to feel her lungs tickled by laughter and to feel her mouth curved up into a smile.  Even if it would only be for a short moment, she felt like herself again.

“You’re awful,” she giggled upon catching her breath.

“And you _look_ awful.” 

He ran his hand gently over her bandaged hands, before bringing her thin fingers up to his lips. 

“Are you kissing them to make them better?”

“Yes,” he murmured before kissing the inside of her wrist, then leaning forward to kiss her shoulder, her cheek, and the sensitive spot behind her ear.  When his hands moved to unbutton her shirt, her hands moved to meet them, stopping him.

“Should we be doing this?” she whispered.

“Now more than ever.” He murmured against her lips.

“Now?  On Erwin’s hospital bed?” 

“If he woke up now, I don’t think he’d mind.”

“Levi, I’m sore,” she whined.

“We don’t have to go all out,” his hands gently squeezed her shoulders.  “I’ve just missed your stupid face.” 

“Ever the charmer.” 

Quietly, gently, they reacquainted themselves with one another’s bodies.  Levi’s fingers flittered over her bandages, learning where her new scars would be, and fondly remembering how her hard curves felt against his palms. His lips found hers again and again, satisfied just to feel them on his own.  There was no fiery hunger, no building lust; it was only that it felt right their lips be pressed together, wrong for them to be apart.

He’s missed the warmth of her body in the recent cold nights.  She huddled herself close to him, wanting to feel enveloped, cocooned and safe in his arms. The trouble was she couldn’t. Nothing made her feel safe anymore. The danger now was so very real, so frighteningly close.  But even so, it was enough just to hold him, to touch his balmy flesh and know that he was alive. 

_We’re here._

_We’re alive._

_We’ll still fight._

_We can still win._

Soft kisses.  Tender caresses.  Pressing their bodies close and breathing in the smell of the other.  It’s the most delicate they’ve ever been. In the wordless silence, Levi wants to tell her how much he loves her.  But she’d never let him say it aloud, and he knows too well how much she’d hate to hear it. 

They stay, holding each other silently until the setting sun casts a red glow into the room. 

“I’m going to talk to Connie tomorrow,” she says at last.  “I’m going to go talk to Nick, find Mike, and go see what’s in Connie’s village.” 

“I’ll come with you.” 

“No,” she presses a kiss into the palm of his hand. “You stay here and be here when Erwin wakes up.  We’re in the inner wall surrounded by Military Police, I don’t want him left alone.”

“Are you acting commander while Erwin’s unconscious?”

She stiffened in his arms. 

“I don’t think—“

“I think you’re the best one for the job. And I think that if Erwin were to entrust the future of the scouting legion to anyone, he’d choose you.”

“Don’t put him in the grave already,” she stared at his unkempt face, quickly growing stubble and looking years older than she remembered.  She recalled how Shadis had retired, broken and demoralized, a shell of the man he had formerly been. Erwin hadn’t gotten to that point yet. And until he did, or until he died, the command of the scouting legion was his and his alone. “Just keep an eye on him.”

“Okay.” 

When Levi woke up the next morning, she had already gone, and he found himself alone once again, useless, and resumed pacing.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to catch this story up to canon somehow. This is just a transition chapter.


	10. Offer up your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's easy enough to hold it together during the day. It's holding it in at night that becomes difficult.

Typically, dinner with the members of Hanji’s squadron tended to be more lively.  While it was true that the scouting legion housed some of humanity’s most eccentric, most bizarre-minded people, the members of Hanji Zoe’s squadron of science enthusiasts consolidated several of the most extreme examples into a sub-house of that house, like a hamster wheel clanging around the inside of a bird cage—too energetic for any other inhabitant of the coop, and just a little bit funny smelling. 

Eager to learn more about the true nature of titans and ready to follow their squad leaders into the literal jaws of danger, they were usually never short of conversation topics. 

_That 7m class was incredible!_

_One of these days, I’m going to ask if I can name one of our captured titans._

_If only it were easier to capture an abnormal… I bet we could learn so much from even just one of those!_

But tonight, they had the stomach for neither conversation nor food.  A somber visit to Ragako had failed to turn up anything as to the whereabouts of squad leaders Mike and Nanaba… but had turned up a rather disturbing hypothesis about the true nature of the titans they faced.    
“I know that we’ve been searching for the truth for a long time now,” Nifa was the first to break the silence.  “But I didn’t think it would be so horrible.” 

“On some level, I think we must have all suspected… if we critically evaluate Eren’s existence.”  Keiji added his thoughts. 

“The Trost reports stated that when he first transformed, he tried to kill Mikasa.  And it took him some time to regain control.  All the titans are just like him, they’re all just… people… who can’t remember that they used to be human.”  Nifa ran her fork repeatedly into her mashed potatoes, creating an array of evenly spaced pits in the white mush.  “I thought we were killing monsters—“

“Not—“

“—people.” 

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

“Moblit, where’s Ms. Hanji?” 

“Huh?  Oh. Uhh… in her room, I think.” He met his reflection in his tea. “She’s… not in the best of moods.”

 “It’s probably hitting her harder,” Keiji surmised.  “Given her past of experimenting on them.” 

“She did what she had to!”

“For knowledge.”

“For humanity.” 

“Guys, if we can’t blame her for everything she’s done, then we have nothing to blame ourselves for either,” Nifa declared, stabbing her fork into her food.  “Gun to my head, I’d do everything over again given the chance, and I’m still going to stand by the Scouting Legion, and… and… and especially our squad leader!”

“I want to say the same, and I do feel the same way you do, Nifa, but…” Keiji wrung his hands.  “But I can’t get rid of this sinking feeling in my stomach.”

“It’s going to take time.  For her, and for all of us.” Moblit sighed.

“The problem is, time is what we don’t have.”

“Moblit, how are _you_ feeling right now?” 

“Me?”  he found his reflection in his tea.  “If I’m going to be completely honest, I just feel really… small. Ever since my first fight with a titan, I’ve felt like a completely insignificant, tiny little being, in a world that’s much larger than I could ever understand.  When I saw Eren fighting the armored titan… how could you not feel like an insect watching them?  What in the world can I do; what difference can I make in this fight between giants?”

“I know I asked, but I didn’t think you’d answer so truthfully,” Keiji grimaced. 

“Sorry,” Moblit proffered an apologetic smile. “I’m not very good at making people feel better.” 

“We’re sitting here moaning about and feeling sorry for ourselves but… I can’t imagine what Connie’s feeling right now,” Nifa added.  “And we still don’t know about Squad Leader Zacharias—“

“Or Nanaba.” Moblit finished.

“Past experience says that they have to be dead by now.”  Keiji sighed.

“But Mike was— _is_ the second strongest solder after Corporal Levi!”

“Yes, but objectively speaking, all the former members of Corporal Levi’s squadron were also ranked higher than all of us in combat. And they’re all dead while we’re… not.” Moblit added gravely.

“Because of the female titan.”

“Maybe they found something worse.”

“Worse than the shifters?” 

“We can’t rule out that possibility. A few months ago, we would never have believed that titan shifters even existed, remember?” Nifa resumed poking her mashed potatoes.

“Maybe they’ve been turned into titans and we killed them.” 

All heads slowly turned toward a glowing pair of goggles.

“Well thank you.  Really, thank you for that, Goggles, _that_ is definitely going to make us all feel so much better!”

And with a heaving sigh of exasperation, they all pulled away from the table, and away from their bespectacled comrade in one synchronized motion. 

“Okay, well I’m going to go… take over the watch,” Keiji said, scratching at his head.  “I mean, it’s not like I’ll be able to sleep anyway, so…”

“I’m gonna go for a walk.  Maybe check in on Connie,” Nifa added.

“I’m… going to go check in on Ms. Hanji.” Moblit stammered.

“Do a better job at making her feel better than us, got it, Moblit?”  Nifa teased.

“R-right.  I’ll… try.” 

But such cheer was much easier said than done. Any and all pow-wow phrases and inspirational platitudes fell by the wayside when he walked into her quarters to find her fully dressed, boots and cloak included, and sitting in fetal position on her bed. 

“Squad leader…” 

“Oh… Moblit…” she looked at him with dazed eyes that screamed, _Hanji Zoe is unavailable at the moment._ “What’s up? Any word on Mike and Nanaba?”

“N-no,” he replied and her shoulders slumped noticeably further. “We didn’t see you at dinner.”

“I wasn’t hungry.” 

“Squad leader, please.  You have to keep up your strength.” 

It was bad enough she could barely be convinced to eat or sleep when she was in the midst of titan research, but cooping herself up in her quarters out of depression seemed far worse. _I should have brought her some food, or a drink at least._

“I can go get something for you, if you’d like.”

“Whiskey,” her answer was almost immediate. “Please.”  And she very rarely said ‘please.’  “Oh, and Moblit?” she stopped him as he made his way out. “Drink with me.”

“…yes, ma’am.” 

She was surprised he would facilitate the drinks, even more surprised that he’d take her up on her invitation, but was most surprised when he returned with whiskey, water, glasses, and the other three members of her squadron. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I invited the others,” Moblit stammered nervously.  “But they—we…”

“We all wanted to be with you, Miss Hanji,” Nifa took a seat at the foot of her bed, pouring the first glass of the night and passing it into her hands.  When everyone else had also settled and arranged themselves, glass in hand, she raised hers high. “Cheers.”

“It’s been a long time since we all last sat around like this, drinking,” Keiji noted.  “Last time was when… Nifa joined us, wasn’t it?” 

Nobody was assigned to Hanji’s research squadron; she could only take volunteers given the nature of their responsibilities. Between them, they were prepared for late nights conducting experiments, long days in the lab, and frequently dealing with titans even inside the walls.  Moblit had been the first to sign up, in order to repay the debt on his life, and it had taken a considerably long while before the research division grew to contain its current membership.  Hanji could not have asked for a more loyal group of people, more focused, more dedicated to the cause of knowledge. 

“I remember when I joined the research division,” Keiji laughed around his whiskey.  “Back when it was pretty much just Moblit and Miss Hanji.  I remember the first time we netted those five titans against Wall Rose.  When we had to get around to getting them off of the wall and restrained on the ground, I got pretty nervous.  What if they escaped, or what if after we’d succeeded in netting them without any casualties, we’d lose somebody trying to tie them down?  But everything was so carefully planned, I was so impressed!” He leaned back on his arms. “I thought to myself, this is the strength of the scouting legion, it must be.” 

“When I was little,” piped a pair of goggles beside him.  “I read all the books I could legally get my hands on, and then my grandfather gave me some state-banned literature.  And, by the walls, _that’s_ the good stuff. ‘Know thy enemy, know thyself, _that_ is the surest path to victory!’”

“Most of us were rebels from the time we were born, probably,” Moblit laughed. 

And soon they were all laughing. They laughed until their faces grew red from lack of air as much as the whiskey.  Because when one lived in times of drought, one seized whatever possible to hydrate the parchedness. 

“When I was about eight or nine years old,” Hanji began in a quiet voice as the laughter died down.  All eyes turned to the sound of her voice. “I took a shovel to the walls, trying to dig my way out so that I could see the world.” 

“Well that sounds about right.”

“Hahaha, squad leader, you got an early start there!”

“I was stopped, of course, by some officers of the MP. Telling me that I was being foolish and stupid, treasonous even, and threatening to arrest me for trying to damage the walls… I threw my shovel at them and knocked one in the head pretty badly as I made my escape.” She smirked at the memory of the officer’s simpering face.  “I knew even then that I would never ever align myself with the likes of the military police.” She downed a fierce swig of her drink, grimacing at the burn in her throat.  “I was always meant to wear these wings, I’ve always known!”

The truth was that she couldn’t imagine any other life for herself and had been unable to do so ever since she was a child. Though thick and thin, she was always meant for the scouting legion, always meant to strive for the impossible, and always meant to die for the sake of its ideal.  Yes, the truth was horrible.  But they had found it, when no one had ever believed that they could. She couldn’t turn back now.

“But for the rest of you…” she looked to each of their faces in turn, feeling the weight of their lives in her hands. “Everything is going to get so much more complicated from here on out.  As dangerous as our lives have been up to this point, it’s going to get even worse, because we now know the enemy is _inside_ the walls.  I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I won’t ask you to follow.  From now on, everything will be even stranger, even more confusing, and I will understand if you take this chance to turn back.” She was prepared to lose them to titans, not to assassins in human form wearing priest’s robes or MP uniforms.

“Squad leader, haven’t you been listening?” Nifa smiled. 

“We’ve all been rebels since we were born.” Moblit repeated. 

“We weren’t meant to be normal civilians.”

“We’re going to see this through and follow you to the end.” 

She could never have asked for better subor—comrades. With a hard smile, she raised her glass.

“Cheers.”

* * *

 

The next few days passed by in a blur. They had reported their notes from their findings in Ragako to Erwin and Pixis, she and Levi found a suitable alternative for Eren, Historia, and the rest of the 104th, she stopped by to pay silent respects at a private funeral for Nick, and together, the three of them had solemnly submitted the paperwork to mark Mike and Nanaba as killed in action.  With no time to grieve their passing and much still to be done, she had expected—but was nonetheless exhausted for—Levi coming to her quarters in the middle of the night to throw her coat into her face and drag her to Erwin’s room.

Tomorrow morning they were scheduled to leave the inner wall and take Eren and Historia away from the MP and to a safe location. Erwin would be staying behind.

Everything made Hanji sick to her stomach and so tense that Levi pulled his hand out of hers within minutes, grumbling,

“You’re cutting off circulation to my fingers.”

“Oh… sorry.” 

“Have you been constipated lately, or what?”

“Yeah… probably…” she sighed, her tone much too serious for Levi’s liking.  

When they reached Erwin’s room, they knocked twice on the door and once on the frame.  They heard the bolt unlock before the door was opened only a few inches for Erwin to see who it was.  It was the first time she had seen him on his feet since the accident, and as soon as he opened the door all the way, she barreled straight into his chest, wrapping her arms tight around his waist.  She felt how he had lost weight, grown weak, and the hollow pit in her stomach only deepened when he reciprocated the embrace clumsily with his left arm. Only his left arm.

“Hanji, we don’t have much time,” Erwin began but her fingers closed over his mouth and her lips followed soon after that.

Her steady push toward the bed argued that they had time enough at least for this, and when his reluctant grip on her arm argued that there were more important matters to discuss, Levi’s additional pull argued that Hanji was right, and that they had one night before all hell broke loose. 

Where a few days before she had been hesitant and afraid, now she was nothing but heat and gasping sighs, desperate moans and eager wetness.  Her kisses made their mark down the length of Erwin’s neck and she bucked her hips when she felt Levi’s fingers press against the fabric of her trousers to nudge at the bundle of nerves between her legs. 

“I think I could cope with the loss of my arm if it weren’t for…” Erwin gently cradled her cheek in his good hand. “…well, the obvious.” He wasn’t much of a soldier with only one arm, but he could live with that.  A commander wasn’t always necessary at the front lines, though it screamed of cowardice.  And an early retirement wasn’t unheard of in the lineage of scouting legion commanders. But to hold a lover in your arms… _That_ was significantly hindered, and he felt there was more loss to be mourned. 

Hanji closed her eyes and leaned into his touch briefly before turning to kiss the soft flesh of his palm.

_My Erwin… my poor, broken commander…_

No longer whole, but still alive, and somehow more determined than ever.  It was nigh impossible to break his spirit, it seemed, and that thought only made her wetter. Her hands quickly did away with the cumbersome fabric between her mouth and his cock, and she was pleased to find it as hard as ever. 

 _He’s still whole where it counts_. 

She took his length into her mouth just as Levi pulled down her pants behind her, rubbing two fingers steadily between her entrance and her clitoris.  He didn’t have to do very much to make her wet, she was already quite needy, and he was growing harder by the second as he listened to Erwin’s groans intermixed with the lewd sounds of her lips sucking eagerly against his flesh. 

It was all Erwin could do to keep upright with his one arm as her lips slid up and down his cock, tongue swirling around the tip when she came up, and pressing the head against the back of her throat when she went down, taking him in as much as she dared.    
“Ngh… mmmf…” 

Levi pressed his arousal questioningly behind her, rubbing the soft, moist folds of her labia against him, his eyes fixed on the steady rise and fall of Erwin’s chest and the way he bit his lip to keep his volume down.  They weren’t in the scouting legion headquarters, after all. 

Hanji arched her back slowly, baring more of her warmth toward Levi, and he took his cue to slide slowly in, pushing himself in as far as he could before leaning forward and grasping Erwin’s chin with one hand, pulling him close for a sloppy, broken kiss.  If Levi was going to be completely honest, he had wanted to be fucked quite exhaustively on this night.  But since Hanji had claimed Erwin’s cock for her own, and because the man really wasn’t in the best condition for fucking… Levi made sure to taste what he could of Erwin’s mouth, unused to the stubble that prickled against him.

Erwin came fast and hard; He had spent nearly a week being comatose, then another several days confined to his bed. What dull, throbbing pain remained in his arm served to heighten his sensitivity everywhere else, and his body felt it had been subjected to a marathon after nearly two weeks of static confinement. He possessed neither the endurance nor the stamina.  Levi felt his lips stutter against his own, heard his voice wane as his entire body tensed and spasmed, a blissful haze fogging his eyes.  Erwin could feel the familiar tingles of aftershock prickle down his spine and for a brief moment, he could swear there had been sensation even in his missing arm.  Hanji swallowed what she could between her own moans and gasps, her muscles growing taut and riding the waves of her own pleasure as Levi fucked her fiercely against her commander.

She was nothing if not astute; even in the throes of her own gratification, she could feel his thrusts growing sloppy as they picked up speed, and she could hear his voice pitching upward between even sloppier kisses with Erwin.  He was close. Time; she wanted more time. She wasn’t ready to cum yet, she wasn’t ready to leave yet!  But there wasn’t time.  Not anymore.

Her fingers pushed against her clitoris as she hurried herself to what climax she could manage; it served its purpose but was hardly satisfying.  Soon after, Levi pulled out and spilled his orgasm between the sheets and her ass with shallow, uneven breaths. 

It had been brief and perfunctory, more stress relief than joyful sexual exploration.  Excepting a few open zippers and wrinkled shirts, even their clothing had mostly stayed on, the haste robbing them of the chance to feel the warmth of each other’s skin in tight embrace.  It didn’t take long for any of them to catch their breath again. 

“You two should leave tonight,” Erwin declared as soon as they were dressed. 

“What?” 

“Go into hiding.  Take your squads, and go tonight, in cover of darkness.”

“You’re still intent on staying here then?” Levi assessed Erwin’s condition, from his gaunt cheeks to his pallor. Travel would be hard on him in his current state, but he wasn’t keen on leaving him behind either.

“Yes, I’ll stay, handle damage control, paperwork, I’ll speak with Pixis… I’ll figure out where our allies are and whom we can trust within these walls.” 

“No, Erwin, you can’t!” Hanji grasped Erwin’s hand with clammy fingers.  “You can’t stay here, it’s… it’s more dangerous in here than out there. They’ll kill you, I know it!” with each word her breath grew shakier, her voice more agitated. She had been against the idea from the start, but it was too late to change his mind. 

“Hanji,” he whispered calmly, pulling his wrist out of her grip and laying his hand tenderly on her cheek.  “Shh… listen to me, this is how we have to play our cards right now.” 

“I won’t do it, don’t ask me to leave you behind. This is wrong—I… Levi!  Back me up here, you know he can’t stay here!  These bastards will hunt us down for Eren and Historia, why wouldn’t they come after you? You might go _conveniently_ missing, you’re such an easy target here—“

“We’ve lost Mike and Nanaba.  She’s right, it’s riskier splitting up,” Levi voiced his concern, but in his gut, he knew what Erwin would say. 

“I miss Mike too, but we can’t let his death throw us off this badly,” there was only a murmur of frustration to his tone, but the bulk was a tune of resolution.  “You two _have_ to leave. Tonight.” 

“If you stay,” she choked.  “You’ll die.” 

“I’m prepared to offer up my heart for humanity.” He lay one last kiss on her forehead before softly ordering, “Now go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very nearly caught up to canon at this point. Thanks to everyone who's still reading this crap and let's all hope our babies make it out of the next chapter alive!


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